Child neglect? Should I report it?

[Toffeefudgecake]

Have twice met a little girl (7) on her own in a local playground attached to some flats. The first time she was with her four-year-old sister. The second time she was on her own. On neither occasion did she or her sister have an adult with her. She became very attached to me and my son (4) and we spent a long time with her. She was cold so I lent her my cardigan to wear. She told me that she was allowed to play out alone till 9pm.

On the first time, I left her and her little sister playing alone in the playground, which went against all my instincts. On the second occasion (when she was alone), I walked her back to her flat because she said she was frightened of going up the stairs on her own. I heard her mother greet her as she walked in. However, as I walked away, I saw her come out again.

She was a sweet little thing and I felt very protective of her and worried that she was vulnerable. I think she knows a lot of people in the flats, but even so she did seem very exposed. Also, she attached herself very quickly to me and even sat on my lap. Obviously, I am no risk, but someone else might be.

I don't know what to do. I don't think she is the only child allowed to play out alone at such a young age in this environment. I don't agree with it myself, but lots of parents around there seem to do it. I don't want to mess up her family life, but I don't want a child to be so vulnerable either.

What would you do? And if there are any social workers or other childcare professionals out there, what would you advise? I know which school she goes to, incidentally, so I was wondering if I should approach them.

The fact is, that if you report it, someone who is trained to spot signs of abuse or neglect will (hopefully) look into the situation and make a decision based on their professional and experienced opinion.

As many posters have said, each situation is different and needs to be looked at on its own merits, SWers etc. are trained to know if the situation is dangerous for the child, we're not. Therefore, it's not our call to make, it's up to someone who knows what they're doing, and the only way to get someone who knows what they're doing to look at it is to report it.

Lovely - lets all wish for a harmonious, safe community in which to bring up our children, where people care about them and the environment that they grow up in but god forbid we actually take some individual responsibility.

Nope best just call the police, shut your door and forget about it.

I agree, Squonk. However, I would never call SW without some serious consideration of the situation first.

Nancy - I don't understand what you are so cross about. Surely I am taking individual responsibility by being concerned about these two girls. Nobody is calling the police, shutting the door and forgetting about it. I have already said that if the mother was available, I would have spoken to her, but I am not barging in uninvited into someone's home, when I don't know who I am going to meet and I have my own two children with me. I think you are being incredibly naive to think that the mother will invite me in for a cup of tea. Also, if I do introduce myself and she tells me to f* off, she will have a pretty good idea who has reported her, if that is the next step I take.

It wasn't just the fact that a seven-year old was out alone that bothered me. I wouldn't have considered reporting that. It is the combination of signs that rang warning bells - seven-year old out alone with four-year-old sister, no shoes on her feet (may not have mentioned this before), cold, eager for affection... It is this combination that concerns me.

It's good that people keep an eye on other people's children, isn't it? Surely that is what prevents tragedies happening? Isn't that what leads to the harmonious, safe environment you describe? I know I would want people to look out for the safety of my children if I wasn't around to do it.

Toffee I am not angry in the slightest. I do find the situation sad.

In your OP you say you walked the girl upstairs and heard the mother greet her - in what way was the mother "not available"? You clearly didn't make any attempt to speak to her or even be present when the door was opened.

And I don't think I am being naive in the slightest by suggesting she might invite you in for a cup of tea. That is what I would do if someone knocked on my door and spoke to me as I suggested, at the very least I would engage them in polite conversation.

But you've already decided that this woman is some sort of undesirable: on benefits, struggling and the type to shout and swear at her kids despite thefact that you have never met her. Nice judging.

Nancy - I don't judge people on benefits or who are struggling, but I do judge people who shout and swear at their kids or who let their children out alone, unchecked, without shoes and cold. As I said in an earlier post, we have only recently come off benefits ourselves and we are very much struggling at the moment, so I am hardly in a position to judge those on benefits, nor would I ever want to. I'm not really the sort of person who would ever call someone an 'undesirable'! I do have prejudices, of course, but we all do, don't we? Don't we constantly have to challenge ourselves not to make assumptions about people? I am aware of what the mother may be like and I am equally aware that she may not be like that at all.

The door was wide open, by the way, and the mother did not come out. I would have had to follow the little girl right into her flat in order to meet the mother, which did not seem at all appropriate.

If the door was wide open doesn't seem like the girl was shut outside all day ..

'i think the thing that would concern me in this case is that the child was sent straight back out again even though she was cold and wanted to go home.' - Do you actually own a child swallowedafly?

Dd1 is in and out constantly because she is cold/hungry/tired etc but she is always straight back out within minutes sometimes with food/extra clothes sometimes not.

My door was always on the latch ..they would be in and out all the time ...

This is a tricky one-when I was a small child,in the late 60's,we all played outside much of the time,in nearby fields,or in the road,but there were far fewer cars,and lots and lots of other children.I was either within sight of my mother,or with my older brother/big group of other children,until I was about seven I would say.But times have changed,and if she was out with only her four year old sister,or all alone in the early evening,then that is more worrying.My neighbours DDs are seven and nine and they go to the shop together now,unaccompanied,but that is a recent thing and we live in a village.Although there is no more or less reason why a child might be preyed on by a paedophile in a city or a village,in fact I sometimes think big cities are safer for children as there are more people around.I am not sure what I would do,maybe talk to the little girl more? Maybe chat to her mother if you see her? I would consider calling the police if I saw her out late alone,or out looking distressed/cold/hungry etc alone or with a small sibling.

OK, was fed up with the differences of opinions on here, so did what I should have done in the first place and contacted the NSPCC to ask for their advice. They said:

'Thank you for your email regarding your concerns for two children aged 4 and 7 years old. While every parent does have a different idea of appropriate supervision, your information suggests there may be indicators of neglect, such as the little girl having inappropriate clothing. I would like to pass your concerns to Children's Services so they can look into it further.'

I'm pleased that you have Toffee, would always rather err on the side of safety.

Who knows the ltlle girl may thank you for it one day.

Toffee interesting that the one thing that the NSPCC specified (inappropraiate clothing) was not mentioned in full by you until three days into this thread.

I think most people would find the idea of a child without shoes in the cold more of a worry than their being unsupervised. Interesting that the NSPCC appear to also.

" She was cold so I lent her my cardigan to wear. She told me that she was allowed to play out alone till 9pm."

In the first paragraph

If her mother had been supervising her she would have realized that the little girl was cold. Supervision is more than just sitting and watching, it's about recognizing childrens needs. Food, shelter AND safety.

Well done Toffee, you did the right thing.

I cant believe some of the comments on here.

Hopefully this little girl isnt being neglected but, you dont know and neither does anyone else, so let SS do their job.

And the argument that you 50% of cases referred to SS turn out to be no neglect-SO WHAT?? Thats like saying X % of people taking their DC to Drs or A and E are wasting their time cos actually the DC have nothing seriously wrong. Its still best to check, as the Dr always says.

Alouiseg I was referring to the more serious of the inappropriately clothed claims i.e. that the girl had no shoes on that the OP mentioned at 10:54 today.

Having no cardigan in the middle of an August day doesn't scream neglect to me, frankly I'd be suprised of it did to anyone.

Having no shoes on (provided that they weren't just kicked off so she could go down the slide) is more worrying given she is outside the home and I strongly suspect is also what the NSPCC were concerned about when they referred to the girl's inappropriate clothing.

Anyway I have a feeling that this is going to be one of those threads where tomorrow it is announced that she was also so hungry she ate all DD's snacks/I could tell her hair was crawling with nits/her clothes were nowt but rags so i am bowing out.

Well KerryMumbles, if these children wondering around your estate at midnight are young and unsupervised, I would blooming well phone SS.

I went away and thought about this more,and as you have just said OP,it was the combination of things that has been preying on my mind,rather than the fact of a young child out alone at 7p.m. The fact she was so keen for affection in particular worried me,and that she was cold.I think you have done the right thing in contacting the authorities.

It's sad that what should have been a healthy debate and exchange of views on this thread has been marred by attacks on other posters. We are very unlikely to agree on everything, but there's surely no need for the prickliness and aggression.

At 3 my sister was allowed to play at the local park where one afternoon in broad daylight she was sexually assaulted. I was 7, playing near by utterly oblivious to the situation.
I think you've done the right thing in reporting this "mother" who clearly needs a slap upside the head and to be told to pull her finger out, sorry I mean helped