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Falling out with a mum from school

9 replies

iheartcheese · 05/08/2010 10:33

So I am rubbish with dealing with conflict, and I don't know how to handle this one. All advice welcome!

DC is in a class with another child whose mum is from my NCT group. We have known each other for a good few years, and though not great mates, have always got on okay. We have seen each other regularly as part of the group, I have babysat for her and took her dinner when she had another DC last year.

Our kids teacher was leaving on maternity and another mum asked me if I wanted to buy a little something (wipes, nappies, teddy, blanket or whatever), that she would ask everyone, then pop them all together in a basket to give to the teacher. I said lovely, that would allow people to buy as big or little as they wanted etc.

A few days later the first mentioned mum turned up outside school with a massive board asking for contributions for a gift she was going to buy for the teacher, and clipboards to record who had given how much for each year. As I had already talked about this with the other mum, I didn't give anything, meaning to discuss it at a later moment.

That evening I got a text from the clipboard mum saying she was disappointed that not many people had given money, and then said "don't forget to bring yours tomorrow". I didn't really like the presumption so replied thank you, but I may be doing something else for the teacher. Well, then she went mad, texting me horrible things about how I was selfish, how I was more interested in what I wanted rather than the teacher, how my buying something separate was pointless, how the teacher would have to smile and pretend she was happy when she didn't really want it. I tried to call her at that point, and she ranted down the phone at me. I was actually quite shocked and scared as she literally screamed at me, I couldn't understand a word she said, then she hung up. When I tried to call back she didn't pick up.

This went on for a week, me getting texts at all hours of the day and night, which in the end became personal, about my Christian faith, how I was self-obsessed, how everyone pretended to like me when it wasn't really the case, and that this was the icing on the cake after a lot of things I've supposedly done. And always saying I wasn't the sort of person she wanted as a friend and that I owed her an apology, though I don't know what for. I didn't reply to any of these messages. In the end I had my number changed because I dreaded getting anymore.

As all this happened about two weeks before the end of term, I decided to just try and remain calm and dignified and to not respond. We have just been ignoring each other. Our kids are not in the same class next year but we will see each other at the school gate, plus we have the difficulty of the NCT group, and mutual friends.

I don't know if I should just leave it, or try and patch things up or what. WWYD?

OP posts:
GypsyMoth · 05/08/2010 10:36

leave it.....

Lynli · 05/08/2010 10:39

I would leave it. It doesn't seem that she will respond well to anything you say. Her reaction was completely over the top and she should calm down and apologise.

If she hasn't had the good sense to realise this by next term then I would keep well away.

If you find her behaviour completely out of character, then you could risk trying to talk to her, to see if there are mitigating circumstances.

Wanderingsheep · 05/08/2010 10:41

She sounds like a complete fruit loop! Not really got any advice but I would probably want to patch things up just so that I didn't feel awkward at the school gate. Just to keep the peace TBH, whether I knew I was in the right or not.

She sounds really scary though! Not someone I would want to be friends with. I really feel for you as it sounds like she could make things really awkward if that's how she behaves!

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LimaCharlie · 05/08/2010 10:41

Leave well alone - sounds like she has ishooooooos

pinkgrapefruitjuice · 05/08/2010 10:48

she sounds unhinged. avoid her!

cocolepew · 05/08/2010 10:50

"Patch things up" Why?!

Run away.

iheartcheese · 05/08/2010 10:50

Thanks all.

Yes, wanderingsheep, that's my concern too, that she'll make things difficult.

I hate stuff like this. It just plays on my mind and I find it sooooo hard to let go of!

Thanks for the support though, appreciated.

OP posts:
LittleSilver · 05/08/2010 21:48

How odd! I'd leave it too.

Lavitabellissima · 05/08/2010 21:54

She sounds like my friend who has bipolar

I would say if she is not a close friend stay well away. It is way too complicated for a semi outsider to get involved. If you are family or a close friend then you need to be supportive and helpful, but it is very hard to deal with irrational people

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