I want to help my sister but I don't know what to do

[StuckForIdeas]

My younger sister is trying to split from the father of their child (2;7) who is seriously damaged.

Back story: about 6 years ago she was in an abusive relationship. She used to come home covered in bruises etc but would always lie her way out of it to our parents: until the day we had a call from the hospital.

This guy was sent to prison for GBH, having caused multiple injuries including a broken jaw.

She has a rather large scar on her face and so is reminded of all this daily I imagine.

She was then single for about 3 years and eventually met the father of her child.

This guy is not capable of looking after himself, does not contribute, and will not accept that things are over between them. He uses the excuse of wanting to see their child to get to my sister.

I know this is only an excuse sadly, as I talked with him for an hour yesterday and set up a meeting today at his mother's house with their child. He did not show up. When she called him, he was firstly: cooking breakfast, going for a run, sleeping. In that order. He had a "rough" night apparently.

My sister (and her child) still live with our mother, who has had to call the police on several occasions due to his verbal abuse.

I could write an essay on this but I think that is enough detail to get started.

Knowing all of the above, my question is this: what would you do to help??

I want to help her, she needs help, but I don't know where to start.

Does your sister want your help though?

She asked me to speak to him yesterday, yes.

(And how could I sit back and watch her self-destruct again?)

So what you seem to be saying is 'how do I convince her to stay away from your child's father because he's a loser'.

I'm not sure you should. By all means encourage her to get access sorted officially - he may not turn up, and that's fine because he's a flake and no-one should pretend otherwise.

Your sister needs to sort her head out though - what's her plan for the next few years, is she studying/working etc. She needs to raise her aspirations a bit. You can help by taking care of her child while she does this, encouraging her etc.

The rest will sort itself hopefully, if she gets inspired to do more and think of herself as having a future (pref. without flakey bloke).

She absolutely does need to sort out her head. But how?

I posted on here, because I hoped someone might have had experience of a) setting up access officially b) could recommend low-cost counselling.

She absolutely does need to raise her aspirations.

She is working part-time but not one with any kind of future.

She bummed out of school with no qualifications so she would need to start from scratch.

I just feel like what she needs is a life coach but I don't have the time to give that she needs. I want to at least point her the right direction.

look at the Women's Aid wesbite

I have a feeling that they might offer a course / counselling for women who are / have been the victims of domestic violence aiming to rebuild self-esteem and stopping patterns of negative behaviour

thank you becky!