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Essex girl jokes

8 replies

bubblerock · 23/08/2005 17:38

Dunno how old these are but I've only just heard them

An Essex girl walks into the local dry cleaners. She places a garment on the counter.
"I'll be back tomorrow afternoon to pick up my dress." she says.

"Come again?" says the clerk, cupping his ear.

"No" she replies "This time it's mayonnaise."

------------

Essex Girl enters a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."
She says "I'll take the red one."
The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher,love".

OP posts:
Mytwopenceworth · 23/08/2005 17:46

good luck fending off the irate essex mums!!

bubblerock · 23/08/2005 22:14

Looks like I got away with it MTW

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Mytwopenceworth · 23/08/2005 23:07

That's probably because they are all on their way over to your place with pitchforks!!

ErogenousJones · 24/08/2005 21:13

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

ErogenousJones · 24/08/2005 21:19

Three guys, an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub.

They all suffer from a severe stutter. "What"s it to be?" asks the stunningly beautiful landlady.

"Th th th th th th three pi pi pi pi................." says the Englishman.

Up steps the Irishman..

"Threeee p pints of of of of gui gui gui gui....."

Then the Scotsman tries..

"Th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th........"

"Oh bugger this!" says the beautiful landlady, and walks away to serve someone else. She returns ten minutes later and asks if they are now ready to order.

"Th th th th th th three pi pi pi pi pi......" stutters the Englishman "Three pints of gui gui gui gui...." tries Paddy.

And then Scotty starts.. "Th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th ......"

"Look" says the beautiful landlady, who loves a chat. "If any one of you can tell me where you live without stuttering, I"ll let you make love to me".

Quite confident that nobody will win, she turns to the Englishman. "Where do you live?" "M M M M M M M M Man Man Man Man Manch Manch Manch, Manch..." "No, you lose" says the beautiful landlady. Turning to the Scotsman, she asks, "Where do you live Scotty?" trying not to laugh.

"E E E E E E Ed Ed Ed Edin Edin Edin Edin Edin Edin Edinb....." "Sorry, you lose" says the gorgeous woman. "And Paddy, where do you live?" she purrs at the Irishman.

"London" blurts out the Irishman. "Oh %ugger!" says the landlady.

A great cheer goes up in the pub and the landlady reluctantly takes him by the hand and leads him upstairs. Once in the bedroom she strips to her underwear, next she takes off her bra - exposing a fantastic pair of jugs. Finally she slides off her panties and then climbs into bed. Paddy, with concentration furrowing his brow, climbs on and goes for glory and then, right at the climaxing stoke, he suddenly screams out....

"............... D D D D D D D Derry!"

Dior · 24/08/2005 21:35

Message withdrawn

greenbean · 25/08/2005 11:14

Two blondes walked into a bar.
You would of thought one of them would have missed it.

bubblerock · 25/08/2005 11:19
Grin
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