I'm a marriage and relationship coach.

[marriagecoach]

I work mostly with women to help heal relationships where couples really want to stay together but simply don't know how.

AMA

I find it so frustrating. I really wish the industry was more regulated so that clients could be confident that they were getting a baseline standard of quality treatment.

I trained for three years and had to submit a research thesis in order to gain my qualifications. It is concerning to say the least that someone can do an online course and set themselves up as a relationship coach, charging people a lot of money.

I think there’s a mix-up here, what I do isn’t therapy, and I don’t position it as such. I'm just repeating this again to clarify in one place. I believe therapy is designed to treat mental health conditions and has a clinical basis and is regulated for that reason.

I completely respect the need for regulation in therapy, but coaching sits in a different space.

What I do is coaching, I help (mainly) women understand relationship dynamics and use practical tools to change patterns in their marriage.

And if someone needs clinical support, I’d always point them in that direction.

If anyone has questions around my role as a marriage coach I'm happy to answer.

But I won't be answering questions that compare what I do to therapy or holding coaching up to the same standards as it is a different specialty.

From what you have seen, how would you rank marriage problems that actually cause the end of a marriage. Which one is at the very top and so forth.. What would you say is the hierarchy? Also, I wanted to ask, do you think think that people can go through what other people would say the unforgivible ( not domestic abuse) and come out okay at the end if both parties put in the effort? Can a marriage come out stronger then before from problems and actually last

I also wanted to ask if there is a couple that you never thought would make it when they came, but they worked very hard to restore what went wrong. What kind of growth did you see between them

Hi. When you say "unforgivable" I immediately think of something like cheating. If you heard a couple broke up because of cheating, most people would understand how that would cause the end of a marriage/relationship.

I have successfully worked with women who have been determined to work through it and have regained trust and a flourishing relationship.

In terms of ranking marriage problems that I help with, giving up or a lack of belief/willpower in making it work. Assuming that there was nothing "unforgivable" that occurred, life happens and the relationship gets lost in the day to day things. Stress in outside circumstances like work, housework, family etc strain a relationship that is barely there. Relationships that last a long time have two individuals that go through many seasons of life, I help to find how the season they're in can be brought back together. Who have to keep finding ways to love eachother through the changes.

In terms of the top thing, communication is often the first thing that disappears, real communication, trusting your partner with your needs and feelings and having faith in them to be able to understand. A couple can say words and manage a timetable or to do list together, but a couple thats struggling is often a couple that doesn't believe they can keep sharing what's within them.

I'm hoping this answers your question.

Let me start by saying that I usually work with one individual at a time, so not both people in a couple at once.

I think for me, I think of a couple that had multiple occasions of cheating. I was hesitant as the person I worked with initially wasn't trying to work out how to get back together but only how to carry on pretending for the sake of the society they were in. But after digging a little deeper she had a secret hope to truly reconcile and that's what we worked on very gently. They are still together and I love the little updates I get from her from time to time.

Growth: first self confidence, learning that being independent doesn't mean you can't lean on your partner. Learning that it takes strength to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Having feelings isn't weak, sharing them can be powerful.

I just realised I missed this one yesterday.

Communicate, things like "common sense" are derived from experiences and life lived and the circles and society and culture around us. There's a lot of things that people do differently, not everything holds the same importance to everyone.

If something is important to you, say so.
If you have a preference on how certain things are done, say that.
Set each other up to succeed.

Often, when things are bad, it feels important to win the argument. Try to remember what the conversation was supposed to be about.

Most of all, remember all the reasons why you chose your partner in the first place. That trust, hope, love, care it's all within them, try to remember that and create a space where you can grow towards each other.