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Original poster

Partner has a pornography addiction, ask me anything

36 replies

Endo33 · 08/04/2026 19:25

My partner has a porn addiction. AMA. I guess I'm sorting of using this page to help me order my thoughts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Endo33 · 08/04/2026 22:59

Ilovelurchers · 08/04/2026 22:48

Have you spoken to him about the fact that many women involved in the sex industry are trafficked, and that he may well be wanking to a scene of rape?

For me this is what would anger me most - if somebody comprehended this and still continued to consume porn in vast quantities.

If you discuss the ethics of porn, what does he say?

I haven't. I didn't know much about porn before and have only just comprehended that myself, and am too scared to bring it up in case he then watches it again as I would see red...

OP posts:
FoxLoxInSox · 08/04/2026 23:10

There are very simple ways of concealing his undoubtedly progressively extreme porn use: incognito browsing is something even I know to use when searching up things I wouldn’t want loved ones to know.

Trust me, this isn’t just a porn addiction. It’s a sex addiction. And because he’s now primed to seek dopamine hits it’s also morphed into a the YouTube Shorts addiction (which has been shown in brain MRI imaging to stimulate the same dopamine receptors as sex / porn / drug addictions.

He’s chasing constant hits of dopamine. No amount of exploring why he likes porn will undo this. He needs an alternative source of dopamine hit: if he took up running / training for a triathlon that would give him constant dopamine hits plus distract him and use his time elsewhere - with a much healthier outcome. Even if you became a cycling widow that would be preferable.

Original poster
Endo33 · 09/04/2026 04:27

FoxLoxInSox · 08/04/2026 23:10

There are very simple ways of concealing his undoubtedly progressively extreme porn use: incognito browsing is something even I know to use when searching up things I wouldn’t want loved ones to know.

Trust me, this isn’t just a porn addiction. It’s a sex addiction. And because he’s now primed to seek dopamine hits it’s also morphed into a the YouTube Shorts addiction (which has been shown in brain MRI imaging to stimulate the same dopamine receptors as sex / porn / drug addictions.

He’s chasing constant hits of dopamine. No amount of exploring why he likes porn will undo this. He needs an alternative source of dopamine hit: if he took up running / training for a triathlon that would give him constant dopamine hits plus distract him and use his time elsewhere - with a much healthier outcome. Even if you became a cycling widow that would be preferable.

Yeh that's the thing, he's chasing dopamine and its having the same impact of not thinking clearly when he's not getting it.

I do wonder why he didn't use incognito or delete his browsing history. Perhaps he wanted to get caught. Or perhaps he wants me to only see the tame stuff.

Yes if he took up something healthier than would be better although at this point in time I feel a bit sick at the idea of there being any chemical gap in his brain that causes him to behave as he does so easily

OP posts:
FoxLoxInSox · 09/04/2026 08:38

Endo33 · 09/04/2026 04:27

Yeh that's the thing, he's chasing dopamine and its having the same impact of not thinking clearly when he's not getting it.

I do wonder why he didn't use incognito or delete his browsing history. Perhaps he wanted to get caught. Or perhaps he wants me to only see the tame stuff.

Yes if he took up something healthier than would be better although at this point in time I feel a bit sick at the idea of there being any chemical gap in his brain that causes him to behave as he does so easily

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But the dopamine issue is the issue, whether it makes you feel uncomfortable or not. That’s the whole mechanism of addiction. People become reliant on whatever it is, through a period of use and reinforcement. It can happen to anyone with prolonged use of either porn, alcohol, YouTube, nicotine, TikTok etc. All human brains are wired to enjoy dopamine. Your DP has looked at porn to the extent that his brain receptors have become wired to need it. I’m not justifying his behaviour - just explaining the mechanism of it.

Beachtastic · 09/04/2026 09:07

Endo33 · 08/04/2026 20:58

Also a lot of responses when I have told people IRL are "wear something pretty", "do you share a bed", "men are just like that", so whilst I don't feel responsible for his addiction I am trying to avoid doing something which will invite more of those sorts of opinions.

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OMG OP, your DP is the least of your problems. You are surrounded by wankers, and not just him!

I have a lot of wise people around me who talk about forgiveness, that no relationship is perfect, that we do have good times and we need to just make sure we're in therapy etc and all will work out okay etc so I take their advice and try.

These are NOT wise people.

I hope you find the energy and self-belief to get out of this shitshow. 💐💐💐

frecklejuice · 09/04/2026 10:53

Endo33 · 08/04/2026 20:58

Also a lot of responses when I have told people IRL are "wear something pretty", "do you share a bed", "men are just like that", so whilst I don't feel responsible for his addiction I am trying to avoid doing something which will invite more of those sorts of opinions.

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This has made me feel really sad for you and these people are not “wise” and I really don’t think they are friends. Whether you wear something pretty or share a bed or give him more attention shouldn’t make a difference to him neglecting his family to watch porn, get dodgy massages and sign up to dating sites.

I don’t dress “pretty” you’ll find me in jeans and a t-shirt most days and I also don’t share a bed with my husband most night because of his snoring BUT he doesn’t check out of our relationship to watch porn and go on dating sites. We have a great relationship and we respect and love each other which is how it should be.

Your husband doesn’t respect you and he isn’t trying hard enough, I think you need to look after yourself and your son. Then one day he’ll realise that he’s just a sad lonely man sitting at home with nothing but porn and a microwave dinner for one. You however can get out now and have a good life without him in it, teach your son what a healthy relationship should look like.

Alphavilla · 09/04/2026 13:59

My masseuse does not offer ‘extras’. She is good at tackling the knots in my back. Which is why I go. If your DH has gone for a massage where ‘extras ‘ are on offer then clearly he has had the ‘extras’ because that’s what he went there for.

tnorfotkcab · 09/04/2026 16:32

Just leave him. He's not worth all this.

toomanybiscoffeastereggs · 09/04/2026 19:49

Alphavilla · 09/04/2026 13:59

My masseuse does not offer ‘extras’. She is good at tackling the knots in my back. Which is why I go. If your DH has gone for a massage where ‘extras ‘ are on offer then clearly he has had the ‘extras’ because that’s what he went there for.

Exactly this!! Only a certain type of masseuses offer extras! And absolutely not the majority!

tnorfotkcab · 09/04/2026 19:54

Endo33 · 08/04/2026 20:58

Also a lot of responses when I have told people IRL are "wear something pretty", "do you share a bed", "men are just like that", so whilst I don't feel responsible for his addiction I am trying to avoid doing something which will invite more of those sorts of opinions.

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There's an easy way to do that....and that's get rid of him.

Beachtastic · 28/04/2026 21:51

Endo33 · 08/04/2026 20:58

Also a lot of responses when I have told people IRL are "wear something pretty", "do you share a bed", "men are just like that", so whilst I don't feel responsible for his addiction I am trying to avoid doing something which will invite more of those sorts of opinions.

Show quote history

These people are idiots, OP. Please don't listen to them.

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