AMA: living in a country at war

[israelilefty]

I'm a Jewish Israeli mum (to a 6yo). I see a lot of threads on Mumsnet either talking about the war in the Middle East, or wildly speculating about whether the war will expand to other parts of the world, but a lot of the perspectives (and the news reporting) seem very far from what it's actually like on the ground, so I'm taking a deep breath and starting an AMA.

Background: I grew up in a different country but have lived and worked most of my adult life here. I live in a small town in northern Israel. I'm on the left of the political spectrum (no, I didn't vote for the current government), and have everyday contact with people from quite a range of different perspectives. If you want to know more about where I'm coming from politically, search for my previous AMA.

Feel free to AMA, just remember you're asking a real person, not a government or military spokesman :) I'll try to answer from my personal standpoint. as long as it's asked in good faith.

Can you tell us more about what is going on ,on the ground please and how you feel about what Trump and Netanyahu are doing in Iran?

Just putting my nosy following post here.

Not related to the war but given the age of your child, how is it like raising an only child in israel. Do you fear something happening to him/her? I know that only children are generally excluded from combat roles but what if your child wants a combat role and asks for your permission?

Fellow jewish mum (of an only son) here. I am comfortable having an only child here but feel like i might be more insecure in israel and would go for ivf in my 40s in israel (given its free for first 2 kids). As i am 33 with a 8 month old, it would be closer to an only child situation.

Is there anything which ordinary Israeli citizens can do to effectively protest against the war, should they want to? Do any such protests/actions have any effect on the government?

On the ground in what way?

About the war itself: Like most people I know, I don't have a good simple answer. That's for a lot of reasons: because most of us are using most of our bandwidth for other things at the moment, and also because there isn't really a way to get an overall view of what's going on. It's easy to focus on the here and now of impacts here or there, but there are very broad regional and international implications - and we are also in the middle of a rapidly changing situation. I feel that we will only really understand the dynamics a decade from now.

In general I am very pro non-violent conflict resolution. But I'm also not naive about the Iranian regime's extremely negative impact on the region, and not only on Israel. I am suspicious of easy answers, and I generally try to seek better knowledge rather than come to fixed opinions, especially as my personal opinion won't make a difference anyway.

No, I don't fear something happening to him. I hope to educate my child with my values. There are many years until he will join the army, obviously I'd prefer him not to have a combat role, but I would prefer that to come from his values not my decision.

Yes, there are protests against the war (not just this war), and no they don't have an impact. The protests are mainly small but in any case large gatherings are prohibited (and dangerous because people wouldn't be able to get to shelter in time).

Just wanted to wish you and your child all the best. Am Israel Chai (from a non-Jew whose an ally).

Do you have a safe room in your home ?

I find it very sad that people have a need for safe rooms, I cannot imagine living life like that.

This is very interesting. I have a bright, energetic, smart, friend currently basically living in her safe room with her DH and their children in Haifa.

She's still all of those things, but now she's also really stressed, anxious, depressed, and frankly exhausted.

What can I do, from the UK, to support her?

My SIL's safe room was a fortified bedroom.they used it as a master bedroom so just needed to pick up toddler and dog when the sirens rang. In singaporw which doesnf have war it is a legal requirement to have a bomb shelter in a flat. It is however so small that its usually used as a storeroom.

In a sense the israeli way is far more functional because the bomb shelter can be used everyday. Not everyone has such a set up as many people only have access to a communal bomb shelter or in the case of other SIL had to shelter under a staircase but such a setup is ideal.

Yes we do. It's just a normal room in our house (normally spare room/tv room). But it has extra thick walls, and a metal shade you can pull across the window, plus a door that seals tightly. We only really close it if we do in during a siren.

In this war it's really lucky to have a protected room in the house, as other people have a shared shelter in their basement or even a public shelter outside the house, which is a real pain in the night especially. My kid sleeps in there at the moment so he doesn't even need to move if there's a siren at night.

Is there another way to feel safe enough say when the current gov is out that you can envisage?

Would the things in place for defence feel robust enough

I saw a clip of people doing reformer pilates in the bomb shelter complete with instructer and bouncy music!

Are you planning to leave Israel?
Stay safe.

What do you think about Lebanon as a neighbour?
And... what do you think the best outcome of this war could be for Israel?

Exhausted and overwhelmed is the name of the game at the moment, especially for parents. It's always nice when friends from overseas write messages that they are thinking of you. But also practically - if you wanted to be really nice, maybe offer to send them a takeaway to take the cooking out of their hands for an evening? That's probably what I'd wish for as with all the stress of the war and kids at home it seems to constantly be time to cook again!

I always teach my kid that peace treaties are stronger than missiles... I hope that the move towards peace and normalisation that started with moderate countries in the region in the Abraham Accords will continue.

I remember your previous posts @israelilefty
I have no questions as I am kept up to date by family near Haifa but want to take this opportunity to wish you and your son much love and an early end to this war with peace as a result.

It's not uncommon to find someone playing music or doing some kind of activity in the public shelters. But also some of the public shelters are used for other activities not during wartime - for example there is a synagogue that meets in one of our local ones.

No.

Thanks for the various people who sent good wishes :)

There's even another practical reason why new apartment buildings are required to have reinforced rooms and many old buildings are retrofitted: we are on a tectonic fault line overdue for a large earthquake. Reinforced rooms stabilise the building, so there are government plans which incentivise developers to update older buildings which would otherwise be at risk of collapse in an earthquake.

Oops missed this one. Dreaming into the future, I think Lebanon could potentially be an amazing neighbour if there would be a peace treaty and no Hezbollah on the northern border. Palestinian citizens of Israel in the Galilee are very connected to Lebanon, both in terms of culture and often family connections. Also even many Jewish Israelis are into Lebanese music. I can also see people travelling between the Tel Aviv and Beirut party scenes. But it will take some time to get to that point.

Best possible outcome = not having another war with Iran a few months from now.