I am a mum with an SMI (severe mental illness) (bipolar disorder) AMA

[Ama09797]

I am a mum to my 2 DC. DS 6 and DD 3

I have a diagnosis of PTSD and bipolar disorder. I'd quite like to break down some of the stigma so please AMA

Just wanted to say you sound like a good mum. 👏

@dabdab thank you very much 😊

It cheers me up no end to hear someone out there is getting the support they need to thrive whilst managing an SMI. So many people seem only able to access crisis support or discharged so quickly they relapse. Good for you prioritising your children and working in collaboration with services. So impressive! xx

@Ama09797
How was your childhood?

Because for me and my siblings it was chaos and trauma... we were collateral damage.

Does your mother have a relationship with your kids?

@WhichBigToe thank you, I engage with everything offered so I can be the best mum I can be

@SalmonOnFinnCrisp yes, it was similar for me. It was chaos. And left lasting damage for me. My mother rarely sees us now. Unfortunately she didn't accept help nor medication etc and I think thats why I'm so diligent with it, my worst fear is becoming my mother

Thank you. I'm so sorry to hear you had serious ED. I also have been hospitalised and sectioned for anorexia so I know it's awful. I know it's very very hard as an MI to fully recover from.

I'm really pleased you have children as some people with ED aren't able to. I'm sure you're a great mum. I wish you the best and hope you're as well as you can be x

The non-compliance is the thing is very hard and so noncompliance is so high...

I remember crying as a teenager and begging and crying along the lines of "if I had one wish and i could have anything it wouldnt be to be a millionaire or be the thinnest / most beautiful girl in the world... it would be for you to take your meds..."
I look back and just...I dont know... feel pity for my childhood self? and also eye roll and think how pathetic / idiotic i was..because nothing i did or said was going to fix anything...

My parent has never been allowed contact.

Good luck with it. It's a hard road....

Are you worried your children are going to have the same illness? I have a friend with severe Bipolar and they decided against becoming a parent. Sensibly imo.

Good question

Did you husband express concerns before you chose to have children?

I suppose that’s why she hasn’t answered.

Id hate anyone to think that getting a diagnosis means expecting that level of support as it’s just not realistic, nor is it necessary for the majority of parents with bipolar disorder.

Once on appropriate medication and stable, most people with be discharged back to their GP.

My daughter was diagnosed with bi polar affective disorder at 15. Later PTSD was added to the diagnosis. She is currently going through anxiety and depression and been unwell for 3 months. This has put enormous strain on her relationship with boyfriend.

My questions how did your husband cope the first time he saw you in crisis?
How was pregnancy, labour and delivery? How were you post natal.

Mood stabilisers & neuroleptics (anti-psychotics) are always decided on by the psychiatrist (although GPs carry on prescribing it) so that's why someone with Bipolar always has a consultant even if they see them only once a year.

Also depending on which part of the UK you live in mental health support can be brilliant or extremely patchy or almost non existent.

I have bipolar, ptsd & suspected adhd (on an extremely long waiting list for that) & I have a professional job & DC.
I also had regular appts with my Pych Consultant & a CPN.
The health authority I came under at the time) found that seeing patients little & often might cost more in the beginning but in the long term saved millions.
However when I moved to another part of the country it was just a locum Psych consultant that changed every 6 months & nothing else.
Luckily I've now moved back to my original area.
I'm also lucky that I have family & friends support too

excuse my slight hijack of your thread @Ama09797 & you're doing brilliant!

It’s not true that people always have a consultant. I’ve been diagnosed for 9 years. Once on medication I was discharged to GP. This is the same for others I know with bipolar disorder.

Even if you become unwell again you dont see a psychiatrist easily again, you get sent to a medic (GP) from the mental health team that sorts out medication.

Edit: Just wanted to add that I don’t mean my posts to come across in a way that sounds like I’m trying to get at you, OP. There’s nothing wrong with needing the support you do and it’s good that you’re accessing it. It’s just not really the norm.

I'd like to add to this question if I may.

How far away is your husband's workplace and could he get home quickly if you were struggling with the kids?

I know you said you'd ring 111 or your MH team but I know sometimes they can be a nightmare when busy.

Why would you presume?

Given the extensive and highly regular professional involvement from multiple psychiatric services, indicating very serious mental health incidents that have involved urgent involvement in the past - yes, I would argue it was fairly reasonable to presume someone in this situation with primary day to day responsibility for very young children would have SS involvement.

The OP has clarified my presumption was wrong.

Looks like we won’t get clarity

It's not fair to assume that @Ama09797 has had parenting difficulties as it really depends on the health authority you are under.
Some are better than others. And I can vouch that those health authorities with hardly any support are crap.
I was under South Leicestershire before I moved & they were brilliant then when I moved I came under Lincolnshire & they were bloody atrocious

Whether or not someone has had parenting difficulties doesn’t “depend on the health authority you are under”!

I can see why my post doesn't make sense as I missed a bit out & wrote it incorrectly.
What I meant to say is that it is wrong to assume that just because the OP has lots of support it means that her parenting is below par or that there have been incidents in the past.

Regarding the support she gets for her bipolar etc really depends on where you live, as some health authorities have good SMI provision & facilities, other health authorities are absolutely crap with SMI provision.

Therefore just to reiterate just because you may get lots of support doesn't actually mean rubbish parenting.

@Ama09797 are you happy with the level of support that you get? Is there anything more that services could offer?

If you have bipolar 1, it means you've had at least one manic episode, that is categorised by symptoms including risk taking behaviour. If you have care for a vulnerable person, and you have a diagnosis that involves the potential of such behaviour, then extra safeguarding measures should be taken for the sake of the vulnerable person.

The fact remains that in the relatively rare occasions that things go really wrong, some form of SMI diagnosis comes into play. Very often, the investigations found that according to current screening methods, the people concerned were deemed not to be at risk of causing or receiving such harm. They feel it was unpredictable.

There is also the reality of many people who were emotionally and developmentally harmed by a parent with an SMI who was either never assessed or deemed to be a good enough parent early on and never had the input of services that could have identified and even helped the child avoid that harm.

Bipolar 1 is in a different ballpark to the other forms.

We disagree. Someone with primary responsibility for two very young children and receiving the level of critical, extensive and ongoing support that the Op is receiving from multiple mental health professionals - well I think entirely reasonable and safe presumption that parenting is also supported by SS or another third party agency.

Thank you

So it was a reasonable presumption

and the OP’s unwillingness to be open about what precipitated this level of extensive and ongoing professional involvement would indicate that there have been manic episodes that have involved a critical response from third parties

No it doesnt say that unless the OP specified they have Bipolar 1. Because having that diagnosis means there has been an episode one could categorise as manic with things like risk seeking behaviours.

Bipolar 2 and I think there are one or two other official forms do not necessarily mean there has been that history of any mania. In fact, these were introduced because you could only get a bipolar diagnosis if you had those classic "Jean from Eastenders" types of behaviour documented. So it worked in getting more people a correct diagnosis for sure. But it also downplayed Bipolar type 1 to some degree and yeah, that has meant people have slipped through the cracks.

If you are socially privileged, this is even more likely to happen. People see you as benign. That is why we are then shocked when we hear the tragic news story when things go badly. We never imagined it to be those mums. But you'll find after that SMI was a feature.

Private mental health care is also problematic in this sense IMO. You can spend significant time as an inpatient and it never make your NHS records for people in such services to readily see their entire mental health history.