I have Body Dysmorphic Disorder AMA

[BodyDys]

I was diagnosed with Body Dysmorphic Disorder in my twenties (now in my forties).
I think there are a lot of misconceptions around it so I thought I’d do an AMA if anyone is interested.
I will be here on and off all day and will try to answer any questions when I can.
Have been on MN around ten years but have name changed for this for obvious reasons.

Hello OP. How does your condition manifest itself? Do you suffer from eating disorders?

What kind of impact does the disorder have on your life?

Do people always see themselves as overweight? Is it possible that an obese person who looks in a mirror and sees a slim person has this?

Yes, it can absolutely be both ways.

I think a majority of people find it difficult to frame how they present visually, because it’s tied up in so many other frameworks (comparison to your youth, social status, self esteem etc) in combination with not having a visual perception of ourselves that’s ‘true’ I.e not a video/photograph or a mirror angle.

Hi,
Probably binge eating disorder, but not diagnosed.
I am overweight but it doesn’t bother me too much.

A massive impact.
It’s actually sort of so interwoven into my life, it is just a part of it really.

Those are to do with eating disorders. BD is completely separate but you can absolutely have both.
It is obsessive concern with perceived flaws and compulsive rituals to alleviate the associated distress. Doesn’t have to be related to weight at all.

I'm sorry to hear that. Do the scales tell you you are overweight, or is seeing yourself as overweight part of your dysmorphia?

Body Dysmorphia is like a form of OCD.
It involves obsessive worrying and rituals.
The most common areas people with it tend to focus on are the skin and facial features.

No, I am for sure overweight 😅
I have never been under eleven stone in adult life and usually quite a lot more.
The medication I’m on is notorious for weight gain plus I’m not a huge fan of going outside so quite sedentary.
This genuinely doesn’t bother me though.
If I could get healthier without getting too much smaller I’d take that option as I actually don’t like how my face looks when I lose a lot of weight. Although that could actually be the BDD talking tbh.

Love the username btw 😂

I suffer from anorexia (on and off but hospitalised once on section) but in recovery now, and I think I must have BDD.

Is it possible to be anorexic without having it? And always think I can't have it because I really do have a horrible body so it's true rather than it being a misconception caused by illness. Like I don't really believe I have anorexia.

Is this something you can relate to?

I hope it doesn't effect your life too badly x

So sorry to hear that.

I was on a ward in a psychiatric hospital when I was a teen that was about half girls/ women with eating disorders and my heart always goes out to people who suffer. It is such a horrible illness.

When they diagnose Body Dysmorphia one of the criteria is that an Eating Disorder mustn’t better explain the symptoms. If the symptoms of body dysmorphia really stand out, you can have both.

I think what you are describing is part of your anorexia. There’s a name for it. I can remember but I’ll find out and come back and tell you.

Other than your weight is there any aspect of your appearance you hyper focus on?

Thank you. I guess that's why they never diagnose you if the overriding diagnosis is ana.

Yeah I do only really have it about weight. I have a deviated septum through DV which I'm not keen on but I'm very unkeen on makeup, beauty, etc. Don't even wear it. So you're right in that if it's only weight related it must just be ana.

I'm so sorry you were on a psych ward. I was sectioned to a ortho ward as I broke my hip. They had no beds at psych ward and I also refused to go to it. So I had RMN 121 instead. I'm lucky in many ways as I was with elderly ladies who broke their hip. Not severely malnourished ED sufferers.

Thank you for your response and I wish you the best of health and happiness x

I think what you were describing is Body Image Distortion/ Disturbance or Perceptive Body Image Distortion which is a feature of anorexia.

I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been through all of that. I hope that things have improved for you and will continue to do so.

Thanks x

Thanks @ItsOnlyHobnobs I guess that makes sense.

Thanks for the explanations on the thread @BodyDys and apologies for my misapprehension. I'd understood it to be almost solely weight related but don't know what I'd thought people with an extreme dislike of say facial features would be suffering from.

I don’t think I’ve ever actually talked to anyone about it irl, but I have noticed on here that a lot of people seem to think it is connected to eating disorders and that’s why I wanted to do the AMA.

I’ve also noticed that some posters tend to mix up the word dysmorphia with the word dysphoria and they are obviously different words with different meanings and completely separate.

I think body dysmorphic disorder is generally very poorly understood and I also think it is on the rise so I think it is good for people to have a better understanding of it.

Thanks for your question 🙂

What is it you focus on about your body

Do you think the urge to ‘change gender’ is body dysmorphia?

I just realised that I didn’t really answer this.

I think body image is a very complex thing.
I don’t think people literally see something different from reality in the mirror. It’s not like a delusion.
It is more how much you focus on the things you dislike about your appearance, the intensity of those feelings and how they impact on your overall wellbeing, self esteem and daily life.
If someone is obese, and don’t see it as an issue or minimise it (as I probably do tbh) it’s much more likely that this is just denial. When people eat for comfort, to boost their mood etc, they don’t want to give this up so they fool themselves a bit. You might for example kid yourself that you’re a clothes size or two smaller than you actually are or you’re big boned or something, but nobody is a size twenty and truly believes they’re actually a size ten. This is not a thing.

Thank you. That's really kind. And thanks for explaining the name of it! Wishing you the best x

It has changed over the years.
So, when I was young, I realised one day at school when someone teased me about it that my ears are not formed properly. They fold over at the top. It’s genetic. I knew they were different but I didn’t think much of til that day. The girls in the class were very silly about it. They screamed and said they felt sick looking at my ears. I remember going home and asking my parents about it. I very clearly remember thinking, if they hid this from me and I didn’t notice it, what else could be wrong with me that I haven’t noticed.
Then I started to look at myself very critically.
Shortly after that I hit puberty and the focus became on my skin mainly because I had breakouts.
I started wearing makeup and that actually probably caused skin problems but I wouldn’t be seen without it. Particularly concealer.
I started to avoid activities where the makeup might come off like swimming.
At some point I started to really hate my nose, which got bigger in puberty and that stayed the main focus for a long time.
Currently, it’s the shape of my head and my hair mainly.

I think there are parallels between the two as in both things are a deep unhappiness and dissatisfaction with a very fundamental part of yourself. They both involve idealisation and the belief that physically altering yourself can lead to happiness/ relief. They are both very consuming and can take over your life.
But I don’t feel I can comment because I have no experience of gender dysphoria. I am very comfortable being a female and always have been.

What causes it?