I practised extended breastfeeding. AMA

[Whatnameisif]

I decided to breastfeed my child until they grew out of it. This turned out to be just before they turned five. AMA!

Did you know the last feed was the last feed, or did they just stop one day?

Did you find you suffered with low mood post weaning? I'm wondering if it's less of a thing the longer you feed.

I didn't know it was the last, but I suspected. They had wanted to breastfeed less and less frequently and a few times they'd commented that there was no milk, and I thought it was the end. But then a few days later they'd ask again and apparently the milk was back. So there were maybe five times I thought "is this the last?" before it actually was.

I had started wondering if they'd ever want to stop by themselves. But they went from regularly breastfeeding morning and evening, which we'd done for years, to stopping within about a month, which felt quite sudden. I thought they'd be more upset about it, but just seemed to lose interest.

I didn't really suffer low mood. We have other rituals at bedtime now, and they often sneak in to our bed for hugs. I'm sad that their preschool years are over though as I loved it all!

Did your child speak to peers about it and if so, what was their reaction? Was your child aware it was unusual?

A friend’s child started school last year and there’s a child in their class who still breastfeeds and I’m aware of some comments from parents, and I wonder how that affects the child. To be clear I disagree with commenting on it and I don’t think it’s any sort of big deal, but I’m just curious about how one would navigate that with a child.

As far as I know they didn't mention it to friends at reception. I don't think they really thought about it when I wasn't there. It's more likely it was mentioned at preschool but if it was it never got back to me.

There were times they'd hurt themselves or be upset in public and ask for boobie. I would say OK until they were about three, after which I said it's something we just do at home and they accepted it. I also told them that different children breastfeed for different amounts of time or are bottle fed so they were aware that different people do different things. If it came up in conversation I think I'd just emphasise that again.

I don't think they realised how unusual it was to continue as long as we did. They knew it is mostly impossible to breastfeed after someone loses their milk teeth.

I actually never received negative comments about it. I did get approached by a few strangers who told me they were doing extended breastfeeding too and it was nice to know they weren't alone!

Did you get fed up with it at all ? I bf for over 3 yrs and I was so over it at the end.

Did you miss it once you stopped? Did it take a while to remember you weren’t feeding anymore? If you have a partner were they supportive of your choices?

I was pregnant or feeding for over 7 years, my younger one stopped a few months ago and I still sometimes forget I don’t need to worry about things you’re not meant to do while feeding.

Did you have women around you who were also doing full term breastfeeding? I bf my two daughters until they naturally weaned when they were three years old. I had lots of support from my local La Leche League group.

Generally no. Although I stopped DC breastfeeding at night for the last month because it became painful. I suspect because there wasn't much milk left. It didn't seem to be a problem in the morning. I liked the closeness and moments of peace together.

I miss it because it's a sign of the preschool years being over and I loved them. Breastfeeding was always easy and lovely for me too, which I am grateful for. But I don't really miss physically breastfeeding if that makes sense. As the frequency and length of breastfeeding declined over time I think I came to terms with it ending gradually too. If I'd have had to stop suddenly when my child was newborn I'd have been devastated and I remember tearing up at the idea of it being over when DC was 2 or 3. But when it came to it, I was ready for it to stop.

I never forgot I wasn't breastfeeding anymore, I guess because for years I'd been waiting for DC to suggest it rather than offering it. So when they stopped requesting it that was it.

I'm tee-total anyway so there wasn't really anything I couldn't do when breastfeeding that I wish I could do.

DH was supportive. I think he thought it was a bit weird after two years and he didn't encourage it, but didn't try to stop me either. He mostly didn't comment - it just became the morning and evening routine. He usually wouldn't be there for the evening feed anyway as he washes up whilst I put to bed.

Were you concerned they would remember it? And not feeling comfortable? Was there a reason you left it to your child to pull away rather than you being on control?

My sibling breastfed both her kids for three years. I have at least four close friends who I know did over two years. I only found that out after I'd already decided to naturally wean though, so it didn't really influence my decision consciously. I didn't discuss extended breastfeeding much.

My sibling and I both found breastfeeding really easy so I think that was a bigger factor.

Do you think there would ever have come a point where you have put an end to it yourself or was it always your plan to let them self-wean regardless of what age that was?

A colleague of mine told me last week that she breastfed her children until they were 9 (and she only stopped because they self-weaned) and I was quite taken aback.

No. If they do remember it I hope it would be a pleasant memory.

I left it to my child because they obviously were taking comfort from it and since I liked it too, why not? It was often an easy way for me to help them calm down or comfort them when they were sad or hurt. For a long time it also helped us both sleep.

I also wondered if it helped DC's immune system. They hardly caught any illnesses when they started preschool. Maybe we were just lucky but I thought it was worth trying.

I saw nothing to gain by arbitrarily picking a day to stop and enforcing that for no particular reason, given we were both wanting to continue.

I started to think about this once they'd started school! I had always had 7 as a hard cut off in my mind, mainly due to the research I'd read that suggested 7 was an upper age limit for natural weaning. But I'd read other stuff that suggested natural weaning can occur when you lose your milk teeth and in our family that tends to be quite late.

Tbh I was hoping it would end before 7. Although breastfeeding a nearly 5 year old didn't seem weird so I guess if it had come to it 7 wouldn't either.

I allowed my children to self-wean, both were 6+ when they stopped. It’s not extended breastfeeding, it’s natural term. ‘Extended’ implies it’s abnormal or extreme, but allowing a child to self wean is the biological norm.

One of my children remembers breastfeeding, the other doesn’t. Both times it slowed down until it was several days or a week between them asking, night feeds stopped around 2-3 years old and with one the morning feed was the last to go, the other it was at bedtime. I had 6 months mat leave so went back at work and both children attended nursery, pre-school and mainstream school. The hardest thing about it was the assumptions and misconceptions from others, so threads like this are great.