I was addicted to cocaine - AMA

[sinuer]

I used heavily for around 7 years, I’ve been clean almost 4 years with one relapse.

Did it make you aggressive? A friend who is struggling with both alcohol and cocaine has become a totally different person. Very aggressive, displaying risky behaviour and making lots of bad choices. Will lie through her teeth to get the cash for her next fix and has lost her job.

She would totally go off on you if you suggest she's got an addiction problem. Would prefer to make her dealer rich instead of herself and absolutely won't engage with services. Has lost almost everything and her family are absolutely heartbroken.

That's so sad @ElevensesKing.

I also had a friend who was a coke fiend and became like that. He used to be lovely. Turned on and became nasty to everyone. They all washed their hands of him, including me.
One night he phoned at 3 a.m. screaming at me. While me and my son needed to be at work/school at 9 a.m.

He developed a brain disease - the coke I'm sure - and died in his 40's.

I did try it a couple of times as a teenager but it's what it's cut with -no idea! -that put me off.

I’m really sorry that you are all going through this. I think a lot of addicts are in denial about it and unable to accept that they have a problem. This is true of the users I know anyway.

I’d approach it from a place of kindness, avoid speaking about the drugs or alcohol at all to start with. I’d wonder whether the cocaine was to satisfy something on a deeper level. If you’re willing and able to meet her, I’d take her for a walk and ask how she was doing in general, most of the time there will be a reason they are using in such an unmanageable way. You can always say you’ve noticed a difference in her behaviour and you wanted to check in. Of course I’m not advocating for this if it’s something that’ll affect you negatively, I personally wouldn’t judge you for putting distance between you and her. Ultimately she’ll need to accept that she has an addiction.

I guess it’d also depend on what her usage and habits were like? I was able to hold down a job for the majority of my using. I very quickly veered from recreational use & going a bit too far of a weekend to an addiction/binge level of drug use.

I think it’s true of a lot of addicts that there is a particular point that you hit rock bottom. Many won’t accept help until they’ve come to the realisation themselves.

To answer your question, I can’t say I was ever overly aggressive. I’d get into arguments sometimes but I was around people that were also using. Is she aggressive whilst using or all of the time? Is she using all of the time?

Well done to you too. I particularly liked being able to drink more on it. I think that’s how it started for me, I’d have a line to sober myself up but by the end of the night I’d be doing more gear and then drinking to keep up with it if you see what I mean.

I don't want you to answer this here, but do you know why you hurt so much you reached for addiction?

I’m glad your family member is now clean. No damage that I’m aware of. I’d suffer with nosebleeds, blood clots, scabs in my nostrils, sores around my nose. Also I’d have trouble with my palate too.

I do drink now but I didn’t for a long time. When you use cocaine and alcohol together, your brain tends to form a habitual relationship from associating the two. It’s impossible to do one without the other.

I’d be able now to get very pissed without wanting to get on it. I probably wouldn’t get very pissed around people I knew were taking it though because I’d be too tempted to partake.

I wouldn’t have been able to stop without giving up drinking entirely. The time I lapsed, I was out drinking with people I used to get on it with. It’s very easy to fall back into old habits. The first few of times I had more than a couple of glasses of wine, the temptation was definitely there but it’s not something that crosses my mind now.

Yeah you and me sound like we had a very similar relationship with it. X

Thanks for this, it's interesting to say you got clean (well done you) by moving away as I have a mum friend with a serious coke addiction who has come close to moving away a couple of times for this reason but her DH will never agree and it seems hopeless.

She's a serious addict - bleeding nostrils, a constant chemical cold, either morose in bed for days or high as a kite literally bouncing around. She's become a bit of a laughing stock due to her behaviour.

She reached rock bottom last year, she was extremely underweight and couldn't stop itching her hands is the only way I can describe it, lost her job. A few of us tried to stage an invention but she closed ranks with her DH and that was that. I'm close to walking away to be honest.

Wishing you all the best in your new life OP. You've done so well.

Thank you for your response, it's been really difficult for all of us to see her changing. She's a really dear friend and it's so sad to see her like this. Her family can't stage an intervention unless she consents and she's not ready to accept that she has a problem.

Thank you for your response, it's been really difficult for all of us to see her changing. She's a really dear friend and it's so sad to see her like this. Her family can't stage an intervention unless she consents and she's not ready to accept that she has a problem.

Is this a serious question??

She said that she was using for three days straight, so yes, one might think this was addictive behaviour.

Well done OP. Cocaine is a terrible drug and misunderstood by many. Having had personal experience of addiction in the family I can say well done and congratulations - it's an hell of a drug to beat. Good luck with your continuing recovery.

I have had to distance myself from an old friend due to their behaviour on coke binges. He is now mid 40s and has been using it since he was mid 20s. I worry he'll have a massive heart attack at some point.

I would like to ask- in your opinion, why do you think you did it? what I mean is, of course its an addicting substance but what emotional void was it filling for you? because I feel he is just so sad and coke distracts him from that.

Thank you, and much respect for your honesty and for getting clean

Thank you.

@sinuer what attracted you to cocaine in the first place and are you receiving any help now to prevent a relapse?

Nothing to add really, other than well done OP. Good luck for the future.

Did you never feel any guilt about the child trafficking and abuse involved in the cocaine (and any other drug) trade?
It's interesting how it's as a middle class aspirational drug for people who buy organic have all sorts of liberal beliefs yet close their eyes to this

Cocaine addicts are past all of that, sadly. If there was a smidgeon of self control left then they might be thinking of the human cost (at home ie in their own home, as well as abroad. It's an addiction not a take it or leave it situation. I am not being mean, it's just that people who have not lived with it or witnessed it just don't get it.