MNHQ here: AMA with Corinne Low, author of FEMONOMICS: What Data Tells Us About Women’s Lives and How To Get The Most Out of Yours, Weds 24th September at 6pm

[RhiannonEMumsnet]

Hi there,

We’re pleased to announce that Corinne Low, author of FEMONOMICS: What Data Tells Us About Women’s Lives and How To Get The Most Out Of Yours will be joining us for an AMA on Wednesday evening at 6pm.

To be a woman today is to be overwhelmed from every angle. The data proves that the odds are still stacked against us - biologically, culturally, economically. But that same data can empower us to make choices that will reclaim our time, energy and help us find joy.

In Femonomics, economist Corinne Low explodes the myths about what makes women successful and happy such as:
- What if flexible working isn't the answer, and we actually need more boundaries?
- What if the gender happiness gap was as important as the gender pay gap?
- What if you had the power to prioritise things you actually value, rather than the things that other people value?
- What if being more 'successful' actually meant putting family before work?

Femonomics gives you the tools to design the life you want. It will teach you how to turn your time into money, how to work out what you value, how to invest in the right partner, how to plan your career at every stage, how to organise your family life - and ultimately how to make the world work for you.

Corinne will be answering your questions on Wednesday evening - please post them below in advance or join her live at 6pm on Wednesday.

Thanks,
MNHQ

Hi Corinne, I read your interview in the Times at the weekend and thought it was absolutely fascinating. It's really clear from reading conversations on Mumsnet that although there's a general rule that women in straight relationships do more of the domestic work, the amount that men do and how present they are for kids etc, really does very dramatically between couples - what do you think explains that variation from an economist perspective?

Oooh interesting. I love a good data book. Hi Corinne. You talk about ‘investing in the right partner’, which is such an interesting way of putting it. Lots of us on here spend ages chatting about what really makes a good partner long-term (beyond the obvious chemistry at the start, blah blah). From the data, what actually matters most in a partner if you want long-term happiness and are there any things women often over- or under-estimate when they’re choosing who to build a life with?

Hi Corinne. Your book sounds great, and your CV is very impressive!

I’ve noticed that a lot of articles about you and your work use the terms “gender economics” and/ or “economics of gender”. May I ask why “gender” is used instead of “sex”?

Hey there, Corrine. Thanks for the AMA. You’ve said flexible working might not actually be the magic fix we think it is. A lot of us including me rely on flex to juggle work and family so what would better ‘boundaries’ look like in real life? Curious to know as I don't envisage a better solution given the way life is for me right now - always juggling, chasing and stressed and exhausted with the mental load.

Hi Corinne, I'm a mum of boys and one of the things I'm really conscious of is raising them in a way that tries to counteract the kind of gender norms that you talk about. Do you have any data driven advice about how to do that?

Hi Corrine - looking forward to reading your book. Do you think the problems facing women are that they are adopting the wrong strategies or that there is systemic discrimination. - Do you worry that actions that may be privately optimal for a given women may actually serve to embed discrimination? - I teach economics by the way!

Hi Corinne, I really like this data driven approach - but as a single person with no kids (and no particular desire to find a boyfriend) are there elements I can apply to my own life?

Hi Corinne. I would love to always put family before work but we require two incomes. So how would data help me figure that out? thanks.

Young men are spending a lot of time online listening to manosphere influencers. They're telling them that women have all the advantages / no structural barriers /no pay gap / no barriers related to biology (eg no 'mummy track' or menopause issues in work. Basically women have it made! So how do we push back against this narrative? Where can we source the data we need to challenge this trend?

People are profoundly underestimating how widespread and pernicious this ideology is. Boys aged 12 plus are absorbing it uncritically through You Tube, Discord groups etc. How do we make governments take this seriously and the impact it is having?

Hi Corinne

I'm looking forward to reading your book. What are the most important things we need to teach our daughters now, to help them avoid some of the systemic biases?

I saw your piece in the guardian and was struck by what you said about needing to recognise we are ‘the protagonists in our own lives’. If you could give one piece of advice or suggestion to women about how they can make sure they recognise that and act on it, what would it be?

I think the most important thing we can teach our daughters is that they get to define what success looks like for them. I think we get a lot of unhelpful messages that we have to be perfect in every domain, and as an economist I know everyone's utility function - what brings them happiness and meaning - is different!
I'd also teach them that there's no evidence that men's traits are more productive than women's in the workplace (more on that in the book).
Finally, I want them to interview a potential partner as a co-CEO of the household--think about the life they want, and find someone invested in and capable of building that!

think the most important thing we can teach our daughters is that they get to define what success looks like for them. I think we get a lot of unhelpful messages that we have to be perfect in every domain, and as an economist I know everyone's utility function, what brings them happiness and meaning, is different!
I'd also teach them that there's no evidence that men's traits are more productive than women's in the workplace (more on that in the book).
Finally, I want them to interview a potential partner as a co-CEO of the household--think about the life they want, and find someone invested in and capable of building that!

why call it the gender pay gap when it’s the sex pay gap? And do you agree good data analysis rests on good data collection e.g. collecting sex in surveys instead of gender?

I would say, remember you're a member of the household. We think so much about whether things are working for all our household members, but we forget ourselves in that equation. It was a huge mistake I made in my marriage--I said yes to so many things that made things work for everyone else, but didn't work for me. If it doesn't work for you, it doesn't work for the family. Period.

I'm a boy mom too and love this question. I think 1) by actively engaging them in the work of living. If they want to talk to you about the latest video game or football or whatever, let them do it while you make beds together, fold clothes, or put in the wash. Let them chop with you and help prepare dinner, and teach them your favorite recipes to make their future partners. Encourage them to think about the needs of other people in the household, not just their own. Help them see that having and caring for a family is equally important in a rich life as individual career ambition. But 2) Set limits for yourself and aim for an equitable relationship with your partner. If we model for our kids that it's ok for us to be exhausted, depleted, never getting the last bite or the best piece, never getting a moment to rest, then they might re-enact those dynamics in their relationships. We have to model that we are whole humans who love them dearly but also have lives outside of them and our household.

Yes, the book talks about averages, and of course there's situations where that doesn't apply. But, often I find that it's still the case that although our individual situations are different, a man might do less than a woman would in that same situation. So, for example, I have a friend who is a stay-at-home dad, and he acknowledges that his wife still picks up more pieces than the husband's of stay-at-home moms. Other than that, I think it can come down to preferences, role models, and gender roles. Preferences because some men really care about the housework or about cooking or about parenting, and others don't. And I call this "weaponized indifference," because if he says, "I don't care what they eat, so if you want them to have healthy food, you make it" it can really add to mom's load. So, finding someone with shared values around healthy food, connected and attentive parenting, and a tidy home can really help, because then men want to step up naturally. But gender roles are also so important, because we see in the data some men do these things on their own when they're unmarried, but once they're married, they fall into gendered patterns.

Thanks Corinne - and sorry, cheeky second question - is there a way to apply it in the workplace as well?

I think about this all the time as a mom of an 8yo about to be exposed to those influences. I really think we need new influences for men, because I think men will be happier if they can learn to show up as full partners. I think men feel a bit displaced by the fact that it used to be enough for them to earn a paycheck, and now women are bringing their own paychecks to the table, and so are looking for more from their partners. And one reaction to that is to get bitter and angry, and another is to say, ok, we need to evolve, we need to bring more to the table. And so I hope we start to see more messages teaching men how to do that. Until then, I think we have to really carefully monitor digital influences for our boys, and I really like the work of Jonathan Haidt on this, regarding getting phones out of schools, going back to landlines, etc.

Hi Corinne! After having kids I started working 4 days a week in an attempt at balance but it still feels like I'm failing on all fronts. What would you suggest might be the best way to navigate these crunchy early years while not taking a huge hit financially/in my career, and also not losing my mind?!

I think this is the economic reality for many. But, my book isn't about putting family before work or vice versa, it's about how to get what you need from both, and say no to what's extraneous. So, I would ask what boundaries you can set with work so that you can get the family time you crave - for example, can you block out dinner time on your calendar and make sure that's a time work doesn't intrude on? Then, can you make that time you do have as high quality as possible by focusing on what your kids really need, and not what's making you crazy but that doesn't actually give you connection (for example, do they need homemade baby food? Do they need 5 week-night activities? Or can you play a board game together instead?). And finally, are there shifts you can make to remove constraints and make it easier to balance both - moving closer to your job? Carpooling? It might be that none of these solutions are a fit, because your values and constraints are unique to you, but the book takes you through the process of mapping these things out in your own life so you can find your own solutions.

Totally! I think you still have to figure out what you're maximizing in life. Economists talk about a utility function, which is the sum total of your joy, happiness, and meaning over a lifetime. Everyone's utility function is different. To help you figure out yours, picture a life without constraints. If money were no object, if you were independently wealthy, what would life look like? How would you spend your time? If you picture a lot of fancy gadgets and expensive trips, that tells you money is important to you, and career can help you get it. If you picture reading books or time with friends, it tells you that your time is crucially important, so you have to make sure your career doesn't eat into that too much. Anyone can think about their happiness like an economist and get more from their life! The book also has lots of great strategies for careers as a woman.

Great question! I say in the intro I think that women are optimizing subject to constraints, and there are many constraints. I don't want to gaslight them about systemic issues in my book. AND I think if you acknowledge the constraints and barriers, there's still strategies we can use to "get a better deal" given all that. In fact, acknowledging the constraints gives us permission to do just that, to try to make things add up for us rather than just leaning in to a system that isn't working. I'll also give an example where I think taking the advice from my book individually could help lead to broader change. I show there's no evidence that male-typical work styles are more productive than female-typical work styles, and so I encourage women to stop listening to all the voices telling them they need to act like men to get ahead. I think if we collectively do that, we'll start to push back on the image of what success looks like, and we'll eventually see greater economic returns to some of these more female-typical styles.

in one of your answers above you mention the influence of smartphones and social media on kids - I’d be really interested to hear what you think about how they’ve hindered and/or helped with the difficulty of finding a balance as women and mums? It feels to me like they’ve made some element easier eg online shopping but then there’s also the feeling that we’re always ‘on’ and contactable - whether for work reasons or for a partner who can’t figure out what the kids want for dinner…