Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AMA

Finally told my children I'm HIV Pos

12 replies

Sunriseoverthemeadow · 20/05/2025 09:23

Hi, I was diagnosed HIV Pos when I was 4 months pregnant with my youngest whos now 17, I also have an older child both live with me.When I was diagnosed my CD4 count was only 55 and I was told I most of had it for over 10 years without knowing, my viral load thankfully wasn't that high as I had 12,000 copies. my now ex stood by me(and I later found out it was my old boyfriend before I met my childrens father), My childrens father tested negative thankfully..we split 3 years ago. Also Thank god neither of my children have this(as my eldest was tested when small, and my youngest also had a couple of tests..last one when he turned 18 months old. I kept it to myself all these years, as I was fearful of others reactions and because of the stigma. swore I'd never tell my children as I was worried they would be scared or look at me differently. well last night I had a few drinks and finally told them. they both surprised me and were very supportive. I explained that they were both negative and I was undetectable and that there is no risk to them. that they couldn't catch it from my cooking or sharing the same cups etc. my eldest was more concerned about my health and asked me to take better care of myself. and they both told me they loved me no matter what. all these years I've fretted about them finding out, I always tore off my labels of my medication and would hide them in case one of them found them and googled what they were for. I'd lie why I went up the hospital and say it was for a scan or to check my liver and kidneys..which in a way is partly true as they do check liver and kidney function. Looking back I wonder if I should of told them sooner? or perhaps last night was finally the right time for me. I did wake in the night with some dread, but remembering how supportive and loving they both were to me has made me realize it was the right thing to do..no more secrets..no more hiding..and no more shame. I'm still me.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 20/05/2025 09:27

It's so sad you w been carrying this heavy burden with you. I have several hiv + friends. It's not the awful stigma that it was and it's so easily controlled now. Don't forget your children have grown up within it all those scary 90s Ads and stigma. They know they aren't going to catch it from you I'm glad you told them

Karatema · 20/05/2025 09:37

💐 Sometimes, it’s just the right time. Your DC love you and you are their Mum. Nothing can change that. 💐
As this is AMA - May I ask, did you have to tell your DH or did a health professional do it with you or was he with you when you were told?

Sunriseoverthemeadow · 20/05/2025 09:54

Hi, when I was told it was at an antenatal appointment, I had a feeling something was wrong as there was also a specialist nurse in the room, I thought there was something wrong with my baby, they then told me while my ex was in the waiting room with my eldest, I broke down pretty badly and asked them to bring him in and they told him. he was just as shocked as I was and wanted to know if the baby would be okay, they assured us both our child would be fine. he then was tested but thankfully was negative and said he would stand by me. he did until our marriage finally broke down 3 years ago. just so relieved my children have been so supportive and loving towards me.

OP posts:
humptydumptyfelloff · 20/05/2025 09:56

Ah op you’ve carried this for that many years you must feel like a massive weight has been lifted.

they are right though you need to take good care of your health.

you’ve clearly brought your children up well

take a big deep breath and enjoy the lifted weight feeling.

GreenSedan · 20/05/2025 09:58

No questions from me but sending love ❤️❤️❤️ I'm really pleased you're in good health and have been able to lift this burden from yourself.

Catlord · 20/05/2025 10:01

Bless you, and your wonderful kids for their support. I hope it's a weight off xx 💐

Sunriseoverthemeadow · 20/05/2025 10:02

Thank you everyone, and yes, I def feel so much more lighter.

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 20/05/2025 10:19

You say ‘all this time’ but their reaction could have been very different year’s ago. You chose the right time.

BumpyWinds · 20/05/2025 11:07

It sounds to me like you chose the perfect time to tell them. They've obviously very good hearted, well brought up children and you should be proud of them and yourself for your part in that.

Those of us over 40 particularly are of the generation where HIV was terrifying. In this day and age there has been so much progress, as you know, in terms of treatments that for most people it is no longer the death sentence it was in the 80s and 90s.

Your DC weren't around for the fear of that time, so it's understandable that they're less worried about it than you are.

Well done OP - you must be so relieved!

Hif · 20/05/2025 11:14

Sounds like you did everything right OP

OrlandointheWilderness · 20/05/2025 11:48

Ah it sounds like it was the right time! Maybe if the children have a good relationship with their father it would be an idea to give him a heads up in case they need to talk about it to someone else?

TheGander · 07/08/2025 17:00

Just seen this, not sure if you are still
around OP. I used to work in HIV services and the level of secrecy about diagnosis even within families was stunning. So glad you have been able to be open with your kids. I think in families we “ know “ even when we don’t acknowledge it, that something is amiss. Thank God for science and modern anti retro virals. You will have a normal lifespan and your kids won’t have to deal with the stress of being HIV positive.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page