My mum had cancer when I was 5 - AMA

[Carrotsurprise]

My mum was diagnosed with bowel cancer when I was 5 and my sister was 9. She is thankfully now still with us in her 70s but there were many years of hospital stays and mum being ill. I'm reflecting on this now as my own DD turns 5 and imagining her having to deal with what I did. Ask me anything!

I'm sorry you all bad to go through that. I have a chronic illness, which on the whole is well managed and no one would know. When ai do have flare ups it can result in a hospital stay or..I'm a little out of action at home. My dc seem to take it on the chin, it is what it is kind of thing. Can.you recall what it felt like for you at the time?

I had breast cancer in 2018 and my daughter's were 4 and 8 so I will read with interest. I tried my best to shield them from the worst of the effects of chemo, but I lost my hair and did look very unwell for some time. They seem to have coped with everything remarkably well, did you realise the seriousness of your mum's diagnosis at the time?
I am glad your mum is still around and is in her 70's now, that also gives me hope too, I still often think any niggle is cancer somehow, rather than the more obvious reason (eg a headache could be a brain tumour)
My initial thoughts on diagnosis was that I need to get them to adulthood as my ex is an alcoholic and very difficult. It has made me get my will and wishes in order too. I feel very lucky to still be here and seeing my daughter's grow up into lovely young women.

@Humanswarm yes I can relate to "it is what it is", I think at the time I was too young to realise it wasn't just normal for your mum to be in hospital all the time! I think it was harder on my sister because it was always her who had to sort things out when nobody else was home. I remember my mum got suddenly very ill once and was on all fours moaning with pain, and my sister was trying to look after her and get through to the doctor's surgery, trying to get through to grandparents on the phone etc. A lot of responsibility for her. I was upset by seeing my mum in pain, but I had no concept of cancer or the gravity of the situation, until I was older. So from those early days I mostly remember a lot of being babysat by various people, and visiting her in hospital every evening. And genuinely I have good memories of going to the hospital! We always found the fun in it, sitting on her bed all evening instead of sitting on the sofa at home, was just our routine. Even when she was always in bed at home, I remember doing things with her like saying what type of food each one of her pills was, and feeding them to her in order like a 3 course meal!

@noodles44 I'm so sorry you've had to go through this yourself, but it's wonderful you've been able to see your daughters grow up and that they've coped well with it. I understand you being left with health anxiety from it. I have quite serious health anxiety myself which probably has its roots in my mum's cancer. I didn't even find out she'd had cancer until I was quite a bit older, everyone had referred vaguely to a "tumour". But by the time I was a teenager nobody was talking about it anymore and my mum never wanted to talk about it. She pretty much dismissed the possibility of there being a genetic link when I wanted to find out about that, so I had to get tested on my own without her involvement. It turns out I do have genetic condition that causes bowel polyps and I have to get them removed every year. But my mum insists she can't possibly have the same thing and I must have got it from my dad! Basically I think it's really important to talk openly about these things so that your kids don't have to bottle everything up!
Aside from all that though, my mum was incredible. She did everything she could to make it easier on us. She always came up with fun things for us to do in hospital no matter how bad she was feeling. I remember the time she was coming round from a general anaesthetic and couldn't speak but she drew me a little self portrait with a funny message in shaky writing, I have it in a frame.

@Carrotsurprise she sounds wonderful.

I have been as age appropriate honest as possible, I was lucky as knew early on that mine was curative, so was easier to get my head around that this was (hopefully) a temporary thing.
I was fortunate as my parents are retired and came to stay for the first week of chemo and took the girls out. I was fortunate too that I had critical illness cover, which meant I could take time from work to recuperate fully and still send the girls for horse riding days at the local stables if I was tired and tried to make it as fun as possible. I usually had a good week in the chemo cycle. My youngest didn't like me being bald out of the house and I used to have to put my wig/beanie hat on for the school run. School were lovely too and put in pastoral care for them both. I remember that I was able to see the dress rehearsal of the nativity as my op was on the day of the show.
It certainly wasn't all sadness and they don't mention it now really at all.

I'm glad you got tested and are on top of these polyps too (the ones that come from your dad's side!) Good that you have fond memories of that time too as it could have been a very scary time for you if you weren't as included. X