My husband changed his name when we got married AMA

[Devonmaid1844]

So prompted by a few other posts where people seem to be horrified or at least suprised about this I thought I'd post an AMA.

For context we chose a new family name and so both changed our names. This wasn't a family name for either of us but it did have an emotional connection.

also in this club as we did the same, new family name for both of us

Do you feel that you're both losing connection to your families?

Not at all, we've got a very blended family on both sides so I didn't share my mum's surname or some of my siblings. It's always expected the woman would change her name, but no-one questions if they're losing connection to their family, but I get it feels different for families somehow.

I’m very envious - we planned to. My name combined with DH’s name was also the name of someone unsavoury so I didn’t want to change my name so we decided to choose a new one, old family name of DH we both liked.

DH’s family let us know at the last minute they were very unhappy. DH also got cold feet when he realised how much documentation he’d have to change and that he couldn’t change his university certificates so he didn’t want to follow through. I didn’t understand the issue since most married women have to go through this.

In the end I kept my name and DH kept his. DC are double barrelled.

Why did you choose a new name rather than double barrelling?

What process did you go through to choose a new family name?

How long did it take you to get used to using it?

Did you or DH get any ribbing or people trying to talk you out of changing?

We did this - DH and I chose a new family name. So no questions from me!

One of my colleagues took part of her name and part of her husband's name to make a new name, which I thought was quite cool. DH and I couldn't do that as our names are too similar (hence not going down the double barrelled route) but I like the idea.

I applaud this. I think double barreling is so naff, and I question any woman that takes on a dreadful surname (several friends have done so).

Nearly identical situation here. We ended up keeping our own names, daughter is double barralled with two bad surnames so lose lose really

We didn't double barrel because it felt a bit clunky and moving forwards I'd be happy for my kids to choose their own name but they couldn't just keep on double barrelling forever.

To choose our name we first of all tried to combine the letters from our names but it was rubbish. Then I was up for just picking one we liked. My husband wanted something that felt meaningful and had a connection. We went for one that meant something for him as I got it was more of a thing for him to change his and I was comfortable with it. Since we changed (about 15 years ago) he now says he wishes we'd just gone for something we wanted as he was really doing it just to help people understand why we were doing it and there's other names we were talking about he prefers.

Not that long at all - but of course I'd have changed my name most likely either way.

There was a lot of questions and particularly male friends we told and his family were very upset about it. However they've all got used to it fairly quickly

So was the idea that he would change his name to yours not ever on the table?

So sorry for those who thought this might happen and it didn't. I'd have really struggled with that

No, because it was all about us creating our own common family. If he'd have taken mine that wouldn't have felt more fair

I see it as rather.... Odd, I guess. But I do like to keep a bit of tradition.

The only time I would consider doing it is if the surname was hideous : Pratt, pigg, Butt, cumm, dick, cockaday

No questions really. If you're happy so be it!

Yes same, double barrelled surname is a bit strange - DC will certainly be unique! But we’ve gotten used to it. And after almost ten years DH has even said he might change his name to DC surname! I can’t be bothered now myself! 😂

I kept mine and we had a brief discussion after we agreed to get married. I think I said ‘well why would I no one ever asks a man if they are changing their name’ he nodded and then said he was changing his to mine and did I mine that. So I’m Dr X and he was Mr Y and now we are and Dr and Mr X

OP I’m glad your family got over it.

For us it was DH’s dad who was specifically upset and we didn’t want to hurt him. We might have gone with it anyway but the final nail in the coffin was all the admin DH didn’t want to do. I think he probably had doubts tbh but didn’t want to disappoint me, and having his new name not match to his phd certificate was significant enough that he felt he could say no.

Love that!