I raised a child with antisocial personality disorder

[Poodlean]

I was not sure about doing this but I did wonder if it can help to clarify questions and maybe misconceptions that people have.
My child is an adult now, and I am
looking back at some experiences and wish I had had more information back then. I’m happy to answer questions if I can.

How are they doing now?

What are your thoughts on nature vs nurture?

Do you think your parenting was a factor? Not judging by the way, just wondering if that's where you might be headed with this thread, or at least you are probably quite a reflective person to even be here in this way 😊

How interesting. Will read your replies.

At what age did they first show signs and what were those signs?

How quickly did you manage to get a diagnosis and support?

What traits did your child show in childhood?
Are you the parent from birth or was your child adopted/ fostered by you?
Did your parenting have an impact on them developing a personality disorder or was it another trauma in childhood?

I think they are more stable now than in the past, but I admit that our contact is not as frequent as it would probably be in other families. I believe there is a lot I don’t hear about.

The nature vs nurture question is one that I wish I had clarity on. I know that I raised 2 children the same way, but they turned out very differently, so I really lean towards the nature answer. I know that this might be more comforting to me though.

Regarding parenting. He was our first so I wonder if we made some grave mistakes that caused it but there wasn’t any major trauma. As far as I know we raised our child the same way others did. There were some relationship problems but absolutely no abuse.
We probably missed some signs when he was younger because we didn’t know better, but by 9/10 it was impossible not to notice them.

When they were young what would you say to other children or adults when they totally blanked them? Mine ignores other kids, doesn't do hellos or goodbyes or answer any questions if asked. It's quite awkward at times as I don't want to tell strangers his diagnosis but am a bit of a people pleaser so never sure what to say other than 'he's a bit shy'.

What signs did you have? what was he like as a toddler?

What kind of things did you notice?

What were the signs aged 9/10?

Thank you for sharing.

What were those signs at age 9/10 @Poodlean ?

He was a very easy toddler, much easier than his younger sibling even. And he was always rather quiet and I thought shy until around 7 or 8 when he started to show signs of aggression, bullying and lying.
By 9/10 there was some overly aggressive behaviour and we never fully got to the root of it despite getting him therapeutic care. He did hurt other children and his sibling, and he hit me, but he never tried to attack his father until later. I think I took the brunt of it.
We did have some problems at the time so we initially thought that he might have been picking up on it and reacted to it. Obviously that’s still a possibility.

Was there support available to you after their diagnosis?
And how do you think it affected their sibling?

What’s his life like now? (Job, relationships, medication, personality)

We didn’t get a proper diagnosis until he was older and there wasn’t much support really.
And his sibling was impacted, and is still struggling with interpersonal relationships and boundaries.

When was their diagnosis given, and did they have any (differing) diagnoses in childhood?

I’m convinced my eldest son has ASPD, inherited from his father who was (is) an abusive narcissist. I’m NC with DS and it hurts so much, but he’s not safe to be around for me or my other children. We also parented them all the same, the biological father (and his input/impact/influence, however we can understand it) is the only difference.

Have you maintained a relationship? Were you ever estranged, and if so, what ended that?

Sorry for the million questions. I’m quite raw about my son at the moment.

It’s difficult to answer what his life is like now. We have regular contact at the moment and it sounds like he is in a stable work and relationship situation, but I also know that this can change at any moment. I did get my hopes up in the past and don’t want to allow this any more. All I want is for him to be happy but I don’t know if he can ever find this peace.

Has he commited crimes as an adult?

Thanks for throwing this open.
When you said he hit you, did he do this as a toddler or as an older child? Are we talking slaps or more focussed aggression?

I'm sorry for everything you have faced and yet to face - you're very brave to post.

You sort help for your son and it's hard to manage the devastating ripples within the family.

My question is have you sort therapy / counselling for yourself to try to make peace with guilt, PTSD symptoms, etc?

What is an "antisocial personality disorder"?

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder/

Antisocial personality disorder is a particularly challenging type of personality disorder characterised by impulsive, irresponsible and often criminal behaviour.
Someone with antisocial personality disorder will typically be manipulative, deceitful and reckless, and will not care for other people's feelings.
Closely related to sociopathy/psychopathy I think.

He was only diagnosed as an adult and I think that nothing can be diagnosed beforehand. He was diagnosed with a conduct disorder as a child.

We had several years of nc but got closer again as he matured and wanted contact. Contact is generally on his terms which hurts but I don’t think he can see things from my side.

Is there an anger/ jealousy sentiment against your other children? @LeviOsaNotLeviosaa
Because that’s what happened in our case, and sadly also early onset puberty