Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AMA

I had trauma therapy after an abusive relationship

15 replies

funkyspunk · 17/03/2024 18:51

AMA!

:-)

OP posts:
LauderSyme · 17/03/2024 18:58

What did the therapy consist of?

funkyspunk · 17/03/2024 19:11

It was basically dissecting each and every part of my relationship. Why I was finding it so hard to let go despite the trauma that was inflicted on me in respects of gaslighting, narcissistic abuse, cheating, emotional and mental abuse, lovebombing at the beginning but later manipulating conversations to trigger me then blame me for the reaction. The hot/cold behaviour, the love me one minute, hate me the next, making me feel guilty for things I didn't want to do, blaming me for things that weren't my fault, constantly criticising me, always always putting the ex first.

In the end after all the dissecting was done and I realised that I was an idiot for clinging onto something that at one point ended me in the mental hospital because I was having a breakdown, I was taught about being empowered, learning that those things are NEVER acceptable in any situation, standing up for myself more rather than being walked over for the fear of being alone. Turns out, alone, a million times better than being treated like crap for years.

OP posts:
olderbutwiser · 17/03/2024 19:20

Was this privately funded or on the NHS?

LauderSyme · 17/03/2024 19:24

So a talking therapy? When you say dissect, you mean the therapist asked structured, systematic questions and you answered?

I can see how that would help unscramble your head after being abused.

Were there cognitive behavioural therapy elements too?

LauderSyme · 17/03/2024 19:27

I thought maybe EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) would be involved?

LauderSyme · 17/03/2024 19:28

I totally relate to your description of your experiences and I am so glad you got out and are getting better 💐

funkyspunk · 18/03/2024 00:35

@LauderSyme

There were elements of CBT involved, yes.

OP posts:
funkyspunk · 18/03/2024 00:37

@olderbutwiser

Private. I have had funded CBT before, but the trauma therapy was all me.

OP posts:
TooBigForMyBoots · 18/03/2024 02:00

Thank you for talking about this.@funkyspunk.Thanks

LizHoney · 18/03/2024 04:47

Were you diagnosed with PTSD?

How did you find the right specialist?

Did you also do the Freedom programme?

cerisepanther73 · 18/03/2024 05:25

@funkyspunk

Thank 😊 you for starting up this kind of mumsnet thread too,

I just wondering could this kind of therapy be for someone like myself experinced plenty of traumas in my childhood and teenage years too?

funkyspunk · 18/03/2024 10:09

@LizHoney

I spoke to my previous therapist who was amazing (NHS) and she gave me numbers of therapists in this area of expertise, specifically relationship abuse/trauma.

I absolutely was. I was having trauma flashbacks, reliving situations for years before I sought help, at the same time I had PTSD from my son attempting suicide which I had NHS therapy for that...

Thank goodness the relationship PTSD has now gone, I wish I could say the same about my son, but then he's my son so I am always going to worry about him.

OP posts:
funkyspunk · 18/03/2024 10:17

@cerisepanther73

I would 100% recommend it. I was consumed with guilt from the relationship, I blamed myself, it was all my fault, I wasn't good enough, if I was prettier, looked better, did more, partook in his lifestyle he wouldn't have been that way. I was absolutely CONVINCED, it was all me. Turned out, no, no it wasn't. He had choices not to trigger me or gaslight, he had a choice to cheat, he had a choice not to ignore me, give me the silent treatment... he has choices to lie or be honest. He made me feel insanely guilty one time because he had to drive to see me, which was about 10 miles, I don't drive you see and I suffer with agoraphobia (which he knew about right from the start and he said "it's fine, it's not a problem") but he began to resent that and was so mean. I cried more than I've ever cried, I self harmed because I felt so guilty I wanted to hurt myself.....
The relationship was fucked.

OP posts:
Mumtogirlss · 18/03/2024 10:22

Thank you for sharing this. I'm going through it now.

It sound so similar in terms of what my ex did and I've also now been diagnosed with PTSD but still a part of me wanting him back even though I know he treated me so badly.
Our family unit is now broken, feeling like if I was better he wouldn't of been abusive and feeling like I have somehow failed at being a great mum even though I know this is what is for the best, I struggle to shake the times he was so loving and kind.
Like living in two heads constantly.

I needed to hear your story today. Do you have kids with them OP?

funkyspunk · 18/03/2024 10:53

@Mumtogirlss

Sorry you're going through this and let me say THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! Take this as your sign to BELIEVE THAT! It took a lot of therapy for me to realise it.

Thankfully no children, but he did have 2 young ones who I had grown very close to, I adored his children and they really liked me too.... but no family unit broken as such, just my relationship with his children.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page