I'm a carer

[erpo]

I've worked with elderly people in care homes, residential and nursing for over 20 years. I am now a self employed private carer. AMA

How do you feel when care work is something that is pushed by the Job Centre for any Tom Dick Harry to do?

That's exactly what happened to me many years ago. I had very little choice but had to give it a go. I was 18 and had no idea what care work was actually about. It was terrifying, you soon learn if you can stomach it. I learnt on the job and luckily found it was something I loved doing. Definitely not for everyone.

I did meet others who had also been pushed into taking care jobs and it was soon evident that they were there for the wrong reasons. Sadly this showed in the 'care' they gave. Some didn't last the day others stayed far too long, some sacked.

You can't fake genuine care. I haven't come across anyone for several years now that have been pushed into the role by a job centre. I do have experience with working with people who have been sponsored to come from abroad to work in care. Some people have degrees in absolutely nothing related to care and are here just to make money, again this shows in their attitude. I have also met some beautiful people who are brilliant cares.

*carers

@erpo What differences do you see in the lives of people with and without children? As a childless woman, I do have concerns about ending up alone when I'm elderly...

I actually see childless people receiving more visitors than those with children. Quite often families can't bear to see their loved ones deteriorate. Friends feel more duty bound I suppose. Also those who have had bad relationships with their parent tend to stay away.

I don't see a difference in the care people get. Not in care homes. Nowadays people are having to work until they are older or look after grandchildren and just can't afford the time or money to take in a parent to care for. I've worked in a home where on Mother's Day every resident receives a present, children or not.

If you were in charge of social care, what would your priorities be?

What words of wisdom do most elderly people have?

I'm a self employed private carer too, fell into it after children.
Lovey job but I'm wondering if I'm reaching the end of my care life, when I lose a client now, it seems to hit harder and take longer to get over ..
Also if I'm honest, im really done with the sacrifices of working evenings, weekends, birthdays ..
This Sunday is my Sunday on so on mother's day I'm working 6.30 am- 9pm .. won't see my 4 kids at all...
Do you ever get totally fed up?
I'm not sure if it's a phase that will pass or wether I really do need to start looking at some other choices

When the time comes, would you rather have a carer in your own home or go into residential care and why?

I'd rather have care in my own home. The main reason is that I would get 1 to 1 care. It's impossible to get that in a care home when there are 40 other residents and only 3-4 carers who are stretched to their limits.

I have found I am getting very attached to some of my clients, more so than when I worked in a care home. I think it's because I work so closely with them and can get to know them properly because I can give them all of my attention and time.

It's normal to get in a rut. Little time off to do things for yourself does wear you down. It's very easy to take to much on. Could you possibly cut back a bit? I'm sure you'd rather do that than leave the job completely. Set yourself boundaries and stick to them.

I'd rather have care in my own home. The main reason is that I would get 1 to 1 care. It's impossible to get that in a care home when there are 40 other residents and only 3-4 carers who are stretched to their limits.”

Thank you. Would you worry about isolation, though?

Do you think your life is mostly surrounded by sadness (your clients dying, incapacitated, dependent etc) or not really? I guess I’m asking if your day job impacts your mood or (after 20 years) personality? Is it the opposite of being a midwife, do you think?

Edited to sound less abrupt!

How much do you charge and do you charge more for evenings and week-ends?
How many hours a week do you work?
Where do you find your clients?

I'd don't know about wisdom. I've been told several times how short life is. How to value your health. How you don't age in your mind. There you are young forever. I'm aware that some people feel life has just passed them by.

I think I'm inspired by them to take in moments more deeply and be more present. Stop and listen to the birds, take in small details, talk to everyone and actually listen to other, give people time, make a difference, enjoy the small things. It's all simple but you get caught up in the day to day dredge. It's good to stand back from it all and look at the bigger picture. Take everything in.

I'd prioritise the health and wellbeing being of carers. So many carers are overwhelmed and over worked. They put their all into caring for others, it's a very physical and mentally demanding job. I'd like carers to be paid better and not looked down on. I think because they are and have always be underpaid they are undervalued. I'd like the ratio of carers to residents to legally increase. How can 3 carers safely and effectively care for 30-40 residents of varying needs?

Actually I've found because carers have time to interact more with someone in their home they aren't as isolated as say a resident in a care home of 30-40 other residents. Your carers will still change shift and you can still go out with their help.

Isolation happens more in care homes because quite often other residents have very different needs and abilities and are unable to interact. Also staff just don't have the time to sit and chat, they barely have time to meet people's basic needs.

What's the best way of finding a carer for a loved one? Should we go through an agency or look for a self employed person? Is there anything that will identify the good ones?

Also, would you recommend training for family members looking after loved ones? If so, what sort?

I've found that since caring for people in their own homes my life is mostly filled with joy.

I can make huge differences to people's lives by doing the smallest of things. For example taking a lady out to get new glasses, her world has now re-opened. I spent time recently with a lady in her 90s showing her the wonders of the internet. We looked at the home she grew up in and found details and photos of her great grandfather, we were both in tears. It took her right back. We've visited a farm to as she was a farmer. I can really personalise the care I provide. Unfortunately I couldn't do it so much when working in a care home. It was frustrating to not have the time to give to people that they deserve. That made me miserable. I wasn't able to give the best care that I wanted to.

I did and do spend time with people at the end of their lives, it is emotionally draining because you put so much in and I've always seen it as a privilege to be in that position at that time to provide comfort and support to everyone in such a vulnerable moment.

I charge £18 ph. I don't charge more on weekends etc. I know some people do but I'm still getting to grips with changing that much and it's the side of the job I'm most uncomfortable with. I think changing between £18-£22 ph is reasonable.

I found some clients through other carers who also moved to private work. Word of mouth seems to work well, once you know someone they always know of someone looking for a carer. To join a team. It's always nice to be recommended for work and once you know people you can help them out to by recommending them by personality etc I have joined several local carer facebook groups and look on area facebook groups where jobs are sometimes posted. There is quite alot of work out there, be careful not to take on too much.know your limits.

Thank you for this reply. You sound like a rare gem. Such a thoughtful, considered response. So caring. If I ever need a carer, I hope I'm lucky enough to have one like you.

Also, would you recommend training for family members looking after loved ones? If so, what sort?

I would look for personal recommendations. Talk to others in similar situations. Some nurses might point you in the right direction of places to look. I don't rate agencies unfortunately. Staff are paid so poorly and the agency takes a huge chunk of the fees. I've not found many quality carers working in agencies, I'm not saying they are all poor but that's what I've found.

Advertising on Facebook. You will have lots of replies and can have plenty choice. Go for those who can provide recent and old references. Definitely follow up on them. Also those who are fully insured, DBS checked and have been self motivated to get care qualifications. Ask to see proof of all these things.

Training for family members and private carers can be found online. It depends what care you are going to give. First aid and manual handling are very useful. But if you are caring for someone with a specific condition it can be useful to specialise on that subject.