Considered myself heterosexual, now married to a woman - AMA

[LipstickAddict]

Hi,

Just that. Please no sarky "what made you think anyone was interested?" type comments. If you're not, fair enough, but no need to respond. If you are, fire away.

🙂

Do you now consider yourself bi or was she just the one? So if you split or were widowed, would you deem yourself to be lesbian or could you ever envisage a relationship with a bloke again?

How old are you OP?

Only asking as I know some other women like you but they aren't young.

Jackie Clunes was gay then straight, so did it the other way round (then rounded upon for being a "hasbian."). Did you have any inkling yourself/same sex attractions earlier? Pan/demi they call it now for not ruling anyone out/being soulmates. How did your family and friends take it?

I'm glad you're happy.

I don't have anything to say other than this is the reason why I keep conversation open with my teen (who says they're bi) - it isn't always a good idea to label yourself. Attraction isn't always about the sex of the person, but more holistic, and just because you have previously been straight doesn't mean you always will be

@KatyPerryMenopause initially I thought that I must be, as I was clearly attracted to her, but had been/am still attracted to men, so what else would that make me? Now, I dont really know. Had I not met her, I suspect I would have gone along in life assuming I was hetero, with the odd 'girl crush'. Didn't necessarily think that made me bisexual in the past, as most of my friends were the same, but only a few would identify as bi.

To answer your second question, I honestly haven't got a clue. In a way, relationships with men are easier - less drama and not so much intensity. That intensity is as lovely as it is frustrating, however.

Family took it well overall, although my parents were/are quite Conservative and were certainly quite shocked in the beginning. My friends were great, but definitely intrigued in some cases.

@Reugny I'm in my late 30's.

@TeabySea I agree overall. However, my DW would label herself as 100% gay and so would be quite offended if I suggested she could ever be attracted to a man. She has been with men in the past, but that was at a time she felt unable to be herself.

Oops posted too soon.

.....and has said she was never physically attracted to any of them. Not a nice thought.

Understood. In the case of my teen, they and their friends are into supporting one another but have all 'labelled ' those choices since age 10/11. They're all young (not much in teendom and finding their way through so many things, I remind them to keep their minds and options open.
Whist yes, some people seem to be just gay or straight, I was suggesting to them that they don't need to commit to an identity in that way.

A friend of mine, after being staunchly straight recently ended a relationship with a person of the same sex. It took them ages to tell me that's what the situation was (they had been tenants in a flatshare), and even they told our friendship group nobody was judgemental or horrified as they had imagined. Ultimately they wanted different things in life, and friend is now easing back into dating - back to the opposite sex.

Less drama and not so much intensity
Ha! That's put paid to my "not just met the right woman yet" fantasy of a same sex relationship being so much easier then! I thought there'd be less drama, not more. How did you two meet?

@TeabySea yes, labels do seem to be very important in the early teen years especially now. My DD was all over the place with how she identified at one stage. When I used to say she didn't need to over think it or make weekly announcements, she thought I was being old fashioned, even bigoted (forgetting her mum was married to another woman 😂) but now she understands what I was saying, thankfully. She just is who she is, as are we all.

@KatyPerryMenopause haha well, it depends how you view easier I suppose. At the risk of over generalising, women tend to be more emotional and more open about their feelings, so when you combine two together, it can be a bit overwhelming at times and full on. Not in a bad way necessarily. It can be really amazing, as the connection is much more intense. I remember talking to friends about how different the dynamics were in the beginning. It took a while to get used to 😂

We met through friends. Hit me like a thunder bolt and I honestly didn't know what to do with my feelings at first. I kept thinking, I can't be in a relationship with a woman, that's just not me, but at the same time I couldn't bear to be apart from her. It was an exciting, but scary time. I wasn't confused by the physical attraction, but the emotional attraction.

I know someone who was with a woman for years, had children via sperm donor etc and is now with a man and has been for a few years (early 60s).
My eldest child (21) is bi, although to my knowledge never had a sexual encounter with a woman.
Ive always thought sexuality is a spectrum so some people are either 100% gay/straight but I reckon most aren’t. I am straight but def find some women physically attractive although have never wanted to have sex with them nor ‘fancied’ one IRL. Was it weird being intimate the first time?

@Goatymum yes, I think it's called the Kinsley scale isn't it? Although I genuinely don't know where I see myself sitting.

It wasn't weird at all....weirdly 😂 I did wonder if it might be, because it was all new and I was essentially a rookie (bar the occasional drunken kiss). I thought I'd be really nervous, but at the risk of sounding mushy, it just felt completely natural and right. I massively over thought it beforehand, when I could see where it was going. What do I do? How do I do that? Will I be any good? But it quickly became very instinctive. Is that because I was compatible with DW specifically or compatible with women generally? I'll probably never know.

Kinsey scale, after Alfred Kinsey, the scientist who devised it

I have wondered if I’m attracted to women sometimes…I’m basically straight. Had the odd ‘girl crush’ over the years and have always thought I’d be open to same sex relationship, but I’ve just never met a women I fancied.

Looking back, do you think you suppressed your true feelings? Or has this really been a bolt from the blue?

and did you feel sexually inexperienced when you first became intimate with your wife?

@MalcolmTuckersSwearBox ah, yes - that's the one.

@Threecrows It's definitely a possibility that I did suppress feelings subconsciously, as my parents were quite clearly homophobic, but I definitely did fancy boys, so just assumed that any thoughts about girls I had were nothing to over think, as like I said, I certainly never saw myself in a relationship with one. I could only see myself with men, in terms of long term relationships. If you'd have told me as a young teen I'd marry a woman, I'd have laughed at you. Very hard 😂

As I said in my last post, no - I didn't feel inexperienced...thank goodness! 😄

@LipstickAddict - I had no idea it was a real scale!!

@LipstickAddict , what age are you and how did you develop and know that you were in love with a woman?🤗🤗🤗

I think some people are just attracted to the person. This has happened to me. I don't think about bodies, it's the souls!

@firesandrivers yes, I think that's much more common in women.