More of the same but very different AMA. Ask me about Islam

[therealcookiemonster]

Hi guys, I noticed there have been few recent AMAs about being Muslim which have fallen on their faces for different reasons and I thought I would try something different. instead of publicly posting questions, I am inviting anyone with questions about Islam to PM me. I am suggesting this to avoid anyone feeling awkward about appearing 'insensitive' and also the ego battles that often happen on these threads. I promise to answer all your questions and I will do so by PM, so it will be more like a real life conversation with a Muslim person you know. I am a bit busy during the day so please bear with me as I respond.

I also did a normal AMA some time ago (changed my name since then as cookie monster really suits me as a name)... here is the link. quite a few of the common questions are answered here. if you don't wish to engage via PM, you are welcome to post on my old thread.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/AMA/4818978-im-a-practising-muslim-ask-me-anything

for background, I am a late 30s practising British Bangladeshi Muslim female. although far from perfectly practising. I belong to the sunni sufi denomination broadly but explored other religions before coming to this. I am a medical professional during the day (and night sometimes) and am left leaning politically.

don't worry about offending me, ask away!

@EdgeOfACoin hi there. I would really like it if you kept comments and questions that are relevant to this AMA please 🙏 . thanks so much.

Hi, I've got a question but rather than PM you I'll put it on the thread..it might help someone else out.
So my son is 6 nearly 7, and is waiting for autism diagnosis. He sees things very black and white. He has a friend in his class who we walk home with. She is from a practicing Muslim family. I was talking to dad who's English isn't great, but we had a natter, walked past a Christmas tree and started talking a bout Christmas.
I asked him if they do anything for Christmas, he said they do not. I asked if they have an alternative celebration and he told me.a.little about Eid.
We saw them to their door and my son and I carried on the conversation, and I realised how little I know about Muslim traditions and ways of life. I'd like to find someway of simply explaining about it to my boy and obviously learning more myself as they are a lovely family and seem very open to friendship with us.
Could you point me in the right direction for learning?
Thank you.

thank you for the interesting question, it is very welcome 😊you raise some very valid points regarding the evolution of faiths. the fact that cows are holy in Hindu is another great example of the point you made. they were essential for milk and ploughing fields - their manure fertilised crops and are to this day used as fuel and to build houses (mixed with mud). you can easily see why they are holy. similarly Christianity as it moved into Europe adopted pagan traditions - middle Eastern Christianity is very different to European Christianity.

Islam has had similar adaptations, but the core elements of the faith have remained the same as the fundamental texts have not been altered and were recorded contemporaneously (the Qur'an was both memorised and transcribed within the lifetime of the Prophet pbuh) or with strict checks in place. and interpretations are subject to very clear regulations and the validity of interpretations are dependent on multiple factors. this has not stopped bad actors from co-opting the faith to fulfil their own agenda but these remain in the minority.

a lot of the practises that were implemented by the Prophet (pbuh) was very much against their cultural traditions such as treating daughters equally (they used to Bury them alive), rules of military engagement, forbidding racism etc. etc. and the reason he and the early muslims suffered persecution is because the elites of arab society did not want these changes as they would no longer be able to carry on with the status quo. pretty much all of the Prophets faced persecution because God's revelations which are usually along the lines of be nice, dont oppress others dont tend to be well received by those doing the oppressing! so in that sense, don't think we can say the faith (Islam, Judaism or Christianity)is a reflection of the culture. in fact we can see today how women are oppressed in this region because the men are choosing to ignore islam.

not sure if I made that clear? feel free to ask for further clarifications if needed xx

I can't speak for other Muslims, I just treat those of the ahmediyya faith as I would any other human being (with annoyance unless they bear cookies lol)

ahmediyyas differ from Muslims in their belief in the finality of Prophethood hence they are seen as following a seperate religion.

It’s generally proposed that Mary was 12.

But similarly, there is no evidence Aisha was 9, but you seem to take that as a gospel fact. Funny that, eh?

@sadgrizzly bless, I am glad your DS has a nice friend 😊i just found this video on YouTube that I thought might be a good introduction suitable introduction

every individual or family practises differently... I am sure you will get to know more as the kids spend more time together. just to give you a basic summary:

1. our core beliefs are - One God who Created everything. He is independent of space, time, gender or any human characteristics. He is Merciful and Loves us all. On thing that is said is that when God created us, He divided His Love in 100 parts - he distributed 1 part among all the mothers ever to be created (human and animal) and kept 99 parts to Himself. that is how much He loves us
2. we believe all humans are equal, and we will not be judged according to our background or our wealth, but by our good deeds.
3. we pray 5 times a day to Remember God and Connect to Him
4. we fast for 30 days once a year, this is called ramadan. the timing varies as the islamic calendar is lunar. hence no one knows when Eid is.
5. there are two Eids - once after Ramadan and once after hajj (the annual pilgrimage to mecca) around 2and half months after the first eid. this eid celebrates the Prophet Abraham's 'sacrifice' of his son by sacrificing cattle and distributing to family and to charity (1/3rd given to charity)
6. Muslims have to give 2.5% of their wealth to charity every year
7. Muslims should try to attend (if they can) hajj once in their life by going to the holy city of mecca. this happens once a year. you can also do a shorter, simpler pilgrimage anytime in the year (a lot of people do this multiple times in their life). Muslims also visit the holy city of madinah where the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) is resting
8. the Muslims follow the Qur'an which was revealed to the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) who is the final Prophet. we also believe in Moses, Jesus, Abraham, Noah, Adam, David (peace be upon them all) etc. etc Mary (pbuh) is very important to us and we believe she is the best woman to be ever created.
9. Muslims believe that paradise lies under their mothers feet (i.e. can only be earned by being kind to their mother)

hope this helps... feel free to ask more detailed questions! xx

She asked for questions and she gave an answer. However people began arguing with her over her views. That's not asking a question and having it answered.

I'm the first to admit that I find some of the Islamic (and other religions, including my own which I admittedly don't practice anymore) ideologies problematic. But these posters weren't engaging in civilised discussion, they were attacking the OP.

I'm aware of that. Hence why I specifically used the word hounding. They weren't simply asking a question, they (the same few posters) were coming back rather aggressively in their questioning, asking the same question over and over, demanding she explain her views on the matter, even though she had answered over 10 times already.

@SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs hello there. please would you kindly refrain from making this thread into an argument about another thread? this is a seperate AMA which has nothing to do with the previous one. thank you so much😊

I live in a majority Bangladeshi Muslim area and am lucky to have many Muslim friends. I was brought up as an evangelical Christian and often find I have more in common with Muslims than non religious people. We have similar experience in terms of family, marriage and children. However I am no longer religious because I find the Christian belief in hell abhorrent.

I think most of my Muslim friends are pretty nominal in their faith. I think it’s mostly culture and family rather than strongly held religious belief. This I can totally understand as it’s lovely to be part of a strong and supportive community.

My question is do you believe in hell? If you do how do you cope each day knowing the God you love sends people to hell (I would ask a Christian that as well).

Hello there. If someone speaks to me, I will respond. This is the nature of a discussion board. Thank you so much.

Well it will if you have anything to do with, it, clearly!

Why can't a Muslim have life insurance ?
If a Muslim working father for example, with a stay at home wife and mother to pre-school DC, died suddenly; why is it ok for the surviving family without a breadwinner, to accept donations/charity from anybody wanting to do so but forbidden to have life insurance?
This is confusing.

hiya, sorry it took me a while to get back to you. have been doing a few things this afternoon.

I totally get what you say about most Muslims only believing/practising nominally. I think in fairness this has always been the case for the majority of Muslims (and probably many other faiths) - very few have the opportunity or inclination to really delve into or question their doctrine, intentions or motivations. they are effectively told a narrative, and they accept it.

I do believe in hell yes. in Islam we believe anyone who sincerely asks for forgiveness will be forgiven. and many more will be forgiven on the day of judgement. God says, My Mercy overcomes My Wrath, so we trust in what He says and hope for His Mercy. but there also has to be accountability and justice... otherwise we can all do whatever we want at the detriment of others and ourselves. we also don't know the realities of afterlife (in the Qur'an it is described but also said we can't really imagine it while in our current form), but we are told that when we sin, a darkness forms on our souls and this would have to be purified before entry to paradise.

finally, if we take Christian or Islamic perspective out of it... let's say you and I believe in the All Powerful, All Knowing God Who has created the whole of existence - we must also know that He is the Best of Planners, and knows what is good for us. we need His Mercy and Love, but if He deems some of us need accountability- should we not trust that too?

these are questions I ask myself.... and I trust God. although as a sufi, there is another element as the Saint Hazrat Rabia Al Basri said:

If I adore You out of fear of Hell, burn me in Hell!
If I adore you out of desire for Paradise,
Lock me out of Paradise.
But if I adore you for Yourself alone,
Do not deny to me Your eternal beauty.

sorry for the long reply!

life insurance is not forbidden?! I think that's a salafi viewpoint... I explain this in more detail earlier on in the thread... but essentially they are an offshoot of Islam and have a lot of weird and wonderful ideas.

Thank you for this. I will look at that link.
It's a pleasant surprise to me as how much worthiness is placed with mothers within Islam.
It's quit at odds with the image of women being seen as second class that is portrayed so often.
Your summary certainly highlights massive gaps in my understanding!
Would it be appropriate to give a gift to the family at Eid? And if so what would you suggest?
Thanks again.

@Everyhow I called that poster out on their disgusting views about child rape and I'm pretty sure that the poster was a man and not a woman.

@sadgrizzly sadly its all too convenient to paint a certain view of Islam although a lot of Muslims belong to cultures that are deeply misogynistic which further reinforces the view. the Prophet (pbuh) also said "the best of you are the ones who are best to their wives" and also the same to the women. and we believe that we are all equal in front of God.

it's very kind and thoughtful of you to want to give them a gift. I am sure they would appreciate it a great deal. anything really, box of chocolates? as long as its vegetarian and alcohol free, you are good.

Thanks @therealcookiemonster for taking the time to answer my question. I really believe that religion works best when loosely held. Most of my Muslim friends seem very happy and have lovely families and proud communities that support them. I think it’s really beautiful and sometimes wish the UK still had some of the old school CoE culture which was built around a church community.

The only issue is it’s all good unless you don’t want to be a Muslim anymore. I think this is why a lot of people stay nominal and don’t question things too much. From my experience leaving evangelical Christianity was very painful as my family and friends were angry and discouraged. They were also then very upset about my potential eternal damnation! However I have managed to stay close to my family.

As far as I am aware it’s not the same for Muslims. If you check out Reddit ex Muslim pages there is so much fear and sadness. There are many people who have secretly left the faith but can’t tell their family. I find that heartbreaking.

In regards to the theology around hell it seems similar to what I was brought up with. I completely understand the desire to see God as merciful and that most people will be forgiven. To me though it isn’t love and I am so happy that I don’t believe in hell anymore. It’s a cruel concept. However I accept that some people have this theology (including my family). I couldn’t sleep at night if I really thought the people I loved would go to hell because they had committed a sin in the eyes of a religion or are just followers of a different religion.

Hi OP.
I am a teacher and have a lot of Muslim students. Could you give me a bit of practical info about how you incorporate the 5 prayers into your life as an adult? How long does it take, start to finish?
What percentage (just in your opinion)of Muslims don't do the daily prayers?
Can you explain what Du'ah prayers are?
Thank you so much!

@WishICouldSmoke religion is such a personal thing... its your relationship with God, you have to build it according to your connection with Him - and I totally respect that :-), I hope you continue to enjoy the faith you have.

I think anyone from a religious family would find it hard to tell their families, yes - but a lot more people don't really believe or practise, they just go along with the celebrations/communal rituals in order to be part of the culture. no one should be persecuted or tormented because they choose to move away or towards a faith.

Christianity wise, don't have much experience of C of E, but I went to a methodist school and I really enjoyed it and had lovely chats with the pastor.

There's a reason I don't start an I'm a Christian, ask me anything thread because I'm not of the view it's appropriate.

I'm not especially interested in Islam anymore than I expect anyone to be interested in my faith.

It's a bit presumptuous to start these threads imo and a bit arrogant. If people want to learn about Islam they'll do so themselves.

@therealcookiemonster thanks, I am very happy to say I don’t have any faith. I am peace with being agnostic but I still enjoy learning about different faiths. I think the world is better when people are different and freedom of religion is important. I just wish that people kept it as a personal belief. I hate any evangelical preaching, religious judgment or acts of violence in the name of religion.

That applies to pretty much anything posted on Mumsnet. I thought the purpose of the site was for lived experience not google answers

Hiya, thank you for your question.

the first prayer is before sunrise (so they should do it before school)
second prayer can be read around midday (currently it's between 12pm and 2pm and this changes according to seasons)
third prayer is late afternoon, before sunset (now its around 3 - 4pm, but much later in the summer)
fourth prayer after sunset (currently 430pm - 530pm). depends on what time classes finish, they should finish at home
fifth prayer at night so they can do it at home.

the daily prayers (also known as salah) become compulsory after puberty or the age of 12 (whichever comes first), younger pupils may also pray. wouldn't be able to tell you what percentage of pupils pray, depends on if they are practising or not. it only takes a few minutes, but they might also need to perform wudu - 15 minutes is plenty of time for each prayer. if they are given 30 minutes around 2pm, they should be able to read both prayers 2 and 3. on Fridays, it's jummah or communal prayer so would be good if they could have more time maybe. do they have a prayer room? they just need a clean floor space, carpet would be helpful but I am sure they can bring prayer mats from home?

du'a is supplication. usually done at the end of any period of worship (or at anytime, either loudly or within yourself) - usually palms are held cupped together and requests are made from God - various prayers can be read at this point and this can be done in any language.

let me know if you need anymore info and I think it's great you have such consideration for your students!