I've been through a criminal trial and the perpetrator got put away. AMA - TW, refs of SA

[Biscuitsandpeanuts]

As title says.

I was assaulted in 2019. Went to police. A 2 year investigation ending in a gruelling trial in 2021.

He is in prison for 7.5 years. AMA

Congratulations (is that the right thing to say??) and I totally applaud your courage.

Do you feel it was worth it?

And is the sentence harsh enough?

I don’t know that I have any questions but just want to say I’m so sorry that happened to you, and I hope you received good support during the investigation and trial.

Thank you. And thank you for asking if its the right thing to say, I appreciate your sensitivity.

Was it worth it - this is so hard to say. The investigation was so re-traumatising. And long. I felt like my life was on pause and I felt totally overwhelmed and powerless. It felt like the police had so much of me, my personal life, and yet I knew nothing of him (he was/is a stranger) it was particularly hard that he would have access to this info and knowledge, via the trial process. And the trial was one of the most horrendous experiences of my life, his defence grilled me for 2 hours.

It was worth it, in the sense that I am so lucky that it worked out well for me. But it cost a hell of a lot. I just can't imagine what it's like for the majority of victims who don't get this outcome. I feel a weird sort of guilt about that.

The sentence - the judge gave him as much as she could, im grateful for that. I'm pleased he is being punished, that there is 1 less sexual predator / offender in the world, at the moment. But the sentence wasnt the most important thing. It was the guilty verdict, the fact I was believed.

Thank you. Support was patchy and sparce, tbh. Same old thing of not enough funding for these kinds of support services. But the people involved were kind.

Thank you for doing this, and I'm so pleased your were believed and he was put away.

Did you come across any police in the process who did anything particularly supportive and what was it? Most people I know who have been in your situation have generally had a very negative experience but a couple found an officer in the process who was incredibly helpful

I've got a friend going through the legal system right now re a serious crime (as a victim). It's really good to hear of a positive story with regards to justice.

I commend your courage and perseverance.

Do you have any advice gif anyone in the midst of the CPS / courts etc ?

Many thanks. Also raising a glass to you this evening

@Echobelly thank you.

I didn't have a great experience with the police unfortunately. Communication was pretty poor, some of the things said and done felt tactless / strange. Probably a combo of them being desensitised, not trauma aware/informed and having high work loads. I must say this was peppered by moments where I felt heard and respected though, so wasn't all completely bad.

Hi @itsmeafterall, and thank you.

Advice around the trial specifically or the whole process?

Generally, ask for what you need and don't be afraid to ask questions, take people with you to meetings and tell them (the police) how the process is making you feel, its important this is fed back.

Ask what to expect re media coverage after the trial, I wish I had been prepared for this.

Re the trial

• when it's their turn to give evidence, take all the measures offered to protect you, (curtain etc) you can decline on the day, but best to get it put in place ahead of time.

• Speak slowly when giving evidence. Think of it as your time to tell your story, you've been waiting long enough and now you take all the time you need. (Defence can ask you qs quickly as a way to try and get you to trip up)

If I think of more I'll put them. Really wishing your friend luck and strength. Its gruelling.

Thankyou so much. That's all really helpful. I'll pass it on.

Did you find victim support and help ?

Victim support were helpful and supportive yes, but I couldn't have as much of them as I would have liked! I got a phonecall a month to check in, and that was the max they could offer. (They did do some chasing of police in-between this if I asked them to)

I got put on a waiting list for counselling at the service shortly after the assault happened. 4 years later I got an email saying I'd reached the top of their waiting list! I'm really fortunate in that I could afford to get private therapy, but it feels abysmal that there isn't this support for people at the time they need it.

Hi OP. Well done for being so strong.

Did you have evidence other than your statements? Forensics etc?

If not, how did you combat "his word against yours" and ensure the jury were convinced to the appropriate level?

@Worriedmum159 thank you

Yes, I was so lucky that there was actually a lot of other evidence - forensics and a video even. I imagine it wouldn't have got as far as a trial if it was only my statement and that of my partner and friends. I feel so lucky for this. Equally, it's really hard to come to terms with the fact that the least reliable 'piece of evidence' is me, my word. I understand the reasons why, but it felt at the time belittling and demeaning. He would still be walking around and posing a risk to women, had it not been for the scientific evidence. Lucky is how I feel. I think because the evidence against him was so strong , was the reason his defence went for me like they did. They tried to get the forensic and video evidence thrown out. They couldn't so they tried their damnest to discredit my account.

Xxx

My stomach clenched when I read your title. I am about to appear as a witness of the trial of my perpetrator (an ex-partner). I have special measures in place and I have had a good experience with the police (still taken ages though). The cross examination is filling me with dread.

I hope you get plenty of support during the trial @Avalovelace. Wishing you all the best. You are doing a very brave thing. 💐

Very best wishes, @Avalovelace.

OP, how do you think you would feel now if you hadn’t been believed? I absolutely admire and applaud your courage, but, given the rape conviction rate, it feels like such a long shot to be heard, and your story of your experience legally upheld and validated. (I’m coming at this from the POV of someone sexually assaulted as a child — I never told anyone, as I knew no one would have acted, including my parents.) Would you have coped if your case had been thrown out, or he had been found not guilty? Would the therapy have been enough to help you feel heard or believed outside the courtroom?

My very best wishes, @Biscuitsandpeanuts

@StrangePaintName

That's a really difficult question as I honestly don't know what I would have felt had I not been believed. My police force has a (slightly) better than average rate with such cases so I assume they have had good training. There are times even now however when I still doubt myself and wonder if I have done the right thing such is the damage that that level of gaslighting can do. I know rationally that the CPS would not have authorised charges had they not thought the evidence strong enough. There is still the possibility that he may be acquitted although there are multiple charges. I know what he did though but ultimately it will come down to the jury believing me or him.

Sorry to hijack @Biscuitsandpeanuts

@Avalovelace and @Biscuitsandpeanuts you are both so brave.

@Avalovelace I once saw in a documentary a lawyer say to a rape victim that "if he's found not guilty it doesn't mean the jury think you're lying or that he definitely didn't do it. It just means that they didn't think the burden of proof is high enough to meet the threshold." The victim said that really helped her to feel calmer about it and feel less like she was "on trial" herself or that the jury would be sitting there thinking she was making it up. Not sure if that is helpful but thought I would share. Good luck for the trial.

@StrangePaintName thank you for your kind words. And I'm so sorry you experienced this as a child, and that no adult could be trusted to protect you, its beyond awful.

In answer to your qs, as @Avalovelace said its so hard to say.. what I thought when I was going through it was 'I'm a mug, why would I put myself through this' - in reference to the appalling conviction rates. What got me through and helped create some distance from how personal it felt, was the motivation to do what I could to prevent him doing it to someone else. It was such a horrible process to go through, but the thought of my daughter and my friends and sisters living in a community where he didn't pose a risk, for a while, kept me going.

I can only imagine I would have struggled hugely and not coped well, had the guilty verdict not been found. How that would have looked, is hard to say. I do have a weird survivor guilt though. Alongside my huge relief when the verdict was found, was a huge sense of sadness and just overwhelm, about the majority of victims who don't get this outcome.

@Avalovelace please don't apologise! To find yourself at the centre of a criminal trial is one of the strangest, most difficult experiences.

I dreaded being cross examined too. Anxiety through the roof, I was shaking and tearful all day. Take supportive people with you, speak slowly, remember this is your time, don't let them rush you. Ask for clarity - they can ask questions ina roundabouts way, so be sure to ask for clarity if your not sure what they mean. Breathe, go slow, take a break if you need. You got this @Avalovelace you can do it 💪 we are rooting for you

I'm sorry to hear of your awful experience and I hope that you continue to get help in your recovery.

My question is, do you feel relief that he got a fairly long sentence? When I read news stories and see the sentences for such men, I often think, "Is that all?"