AMA with parenting coach, best-selling author and founder of The Happy Confident Company Nadim Saad

[NicolaDMumsnet]

We’re pleased to announce that parenting coach and founder of The Happy Confident Company, Nadim Saad will be doing an AMA this evening. Nadim works with renowned therapists, teachers and children, drawing from the latest research in child psychology. His best-selling books include the highly acclaimed Kids Don’t Come With A Manual, Happy Confident Me Journal series and Raising Happy Confident Kids.

The father of three has an MBA from INSEAD and Masters in Management from European Business School and is a regular speaker on parenting themes for FTSE100 companies. Nadim, his books and range of Happy Confident Company products have been featured in leading media publications such as The Sunday Times, The Telegraph, The Guardian, the BBC, Sky News and The Week Junior.

About The Happy Confident Company
Nadim Saad founded The Happy Confident Company to help children thrive, by offering them the insights and tools they need to face life’s challenges and become the best version of themselves.

The Happy Confident Company is a leading wellbeing resource provider for families and schools. Their mission is to improve the happiness and confidence of children all over the world. They believe that emotional intelligence and life skills such as self-belief, resilience and compassion are essential to help children thrive, and they need to be taught both in schools and at home.

The tools they’ve created are designed to help children better understand and articulate themselves and their feelings and help families develop these skills together to create stronger, deeper and happier connections.

Want to know more about helping develop your child’s emotional intelligence? Or desperately trying to improve your communication with your child but nothing seems to be working? Leave your questions for Nadim on the thread below. Nadim will be answering questions this evening.

As always, please remember our guidelines - one question per user, follow-ups only if there’s time and most questions have been answered, and please keep it civil.

Hi Nadim,

Thank you for doing this. I wanted to ask how to deal with managing the well-being of an introverted child who doesn't share very much even when asked. I worry that he is keeping it all inside. How can I encourage them to share more without crossing the line into being a naggy mum asking 101 questions.

Thanks in advance.

Hello everyone!

I’m delighted to be here to answer any questions you may have about parenting and particularly about your kids happiness and confidence.

Looking forward to your questions!

Nadim

Dear happyhappyhappy123 ☺️,

One of my three children is introverted and I know that it can be difficult to get them to speak without nagging them! It is a delicate balance. I am not sure what age your child is but here are standard strategies that you need to keep in mind to encourage them to talk without becoming overly intrusive:

1. Create a safe and open environment: Foster trust by making sure your child feels comfortable expressing themselves without fear of judgment.

1. Respect their boundaries: Understand that introverted children may need more personal space and alone time. Don't push them to share when they're not ready.

1. Be a good listener: When they do share, actively listen and show interest. This encourages them to open up more in the future.

1. Choose the right moments: Instead of asking many questions, find opportune moments to engage in conversation, like during car rides or while doing a shared activity.

1. Use indirect approaches: Sometimes, indirect questions or casual conversations can lead to them sharing more naturally.

1. Encourage self-expression: Support their interests and hobbies, which can help them express themselves through their chosen activities.

1. Set an example: Share your own experiences and feelings to show that sharing is a normal part of life.

1. Use resources to help your child open up such as a journal or feeling cards. Our Happy Confident Me series of journals allow children aged 5 to 13 to express themselves in writing but they are also a great way for a parent to open up a conversation with their child. Our FEELIT cards allow children to better understand their feelings and be able to better understand what is happening to them so they can share more.

1. Seek professional guidance: If you're concerned about their well-being, consider consulting a therapist or counselor who specializes in children's mental health.

Remember, it's important to be patient and give your child the space they need. Over time, they may become more comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings with you.

I hope this helps!

I just thought I’d also add this article that gives some useful ideas on the type of questions that you can ask your child to help them open up:
https://www.happyconfident.com/2021/05/14/how-to-get-your-kids-to-open-up/

Hi,

How can I help my child express their emotions through words? My child is 9 and she often resorts showing her emotions through actions (crying, screaming, shouting etc) and I would love to be able to help her work through these emotions more and express these emotions better (and help save my sanity as well!). Thank you!

Hi Nadim,

I think you're company is doing great work and it's so important that children develop emotional intelligence and it's great that it's starting to gain recognition for it's importance- especially in schools.

My question for you is, what was key reason for starting The Happy Confident Company? And a second question if I may - what's been the biggest challenge with starting the company or running the company?

Thanks.

Hi Nadim

My four year old gets very angry. He knows he’s angry, he can tell me he’s angry, but he can’t calm down. We’ve tried to talk to him when he’s calm about some strategies (like breathing - lions breath and blowing birthday candles out, or punching a pillow or bean bag) but he’s not really paying attention and certainly isn’t interested. When we suggest he tries these things when he is angry he just gets angrier. I’d love a way to help him calm down. Or do I just let him have his time of rage? Thank you.

@whyisitalwaysraining91 thanks for your question.

Research shows that we only use 3 feelings on average: Sad, Happy and Angry and this is not enough for a child to be able to express the range of emotions that they can go through in a day! So a really important aspect to help your daughter is to help her develop her emotional literacy. You can do this by:

1. Leading by example: try and express what you are going through regularly (we often forget that we don't actually share this with our kids!) and try and use a wider range of feelings when you express this.
2. Acknowledge her feelings when she seems to be going through a tough time. Eg. "You seem to be quite frustrated/disappointed/worried/etc."
3. Use some emotions cards such as our FEELIT pack of cards. These help expand the vocabulary as they have the definitions of 52 feelings (they will soon be in a pack of 100 feelings!) and even more importantly, they allow kids to select the cards of the feelings that they are going through and this uses a different part of the brain than if you ask them 'how are you feeling'. So it helps them navigate better through these feelings and regulate them more.

I hope this helps!

@BlueBlueSky123 I love these questions!

I will keep it succinct as I have a longer version of the story, but I had two main reasons for starting the company:

1. When my usually very positive and bubbly middle daughter turned 8, she went through a tough patch and started being quite mean and negative. I coached her to understand what was happening and she ended up admitting: "I have myself". This really rang an alarm bell as I realised how easy it is to misunderstand kids and to not realise how much they can be in pain, because they rarely have a safe space where they can express themselves when they are distraught. Schools seldom provide this (unless there is a really good school counsellor they can talk to) and in families, we often try and save kids from their difficult feelings. This is why I decided to create resources to help children express their feelings and learn how to regulate them, and have a toolbox to deal with any challenge that they can face in life.
2. The 2nd reason is that I wasn't myself so in touch with my feelings and I realised late in life how important this is. Research shows that when we're constantly suppressing our difficult feelings as I used to do, we're less productive because our brain is busy trying to suppress the thoughts and feelings and this suppression can come back to 'bite you' in the future through different ways that I can explain in another post.

And regarding the challenges of setting up and growing the company, it's the usual: finding the right collaborators, creating the best possible products to be different from what is already out there, getting known, and the biggest challenge was and remains to get schools to be aware of the great wellbeing programmes that we created that are life changing for pupils, and get them to implement these!

@ReeseWitherfork I'm sorry to hear that your 4-year old is experiencing what sounds like more anger than usual. It's great that you've already thought of suggesting some calming strategies to him. What you seem to have already realised is that suggesting this while he's already angry doesn't work because it triggers him even more. It is therefore important to agree a 'strategy' with him for when this happens prior to the event. So I would suggest a 'problem solving' session when he is calm and doing something he likes.
Here are suggested steps to increase your chances of him wanting to hear your advice:

1. Sit down while he's in a calm moment and ask him something along the lines of: "When you get angry the way you did earlier/yesterday/etc., you can hurt yourself or others, so it would be good to find ways to better deal with situations likes this. What can you do next time this happens to better deal with this?"
2. If he gives you ideas, just listen to them and try and get to a point where you can agree on something that can help him. If he answers "I don't know", which is the most likely, you then say: "Would you like some ideas?"
3. He will hopefully answer yes, and this is where you have to come up with 3 ideas that can help him. The 1st idea shouldn't be the best one as kids tend to jump on the 1st idea you give them.
4. You then agree on one or two things that can help him out. By going through this process, as he's the one who asked for help and agreed to it, you should be much more likely to have him be 'interested' and empowering him to find other ways to deal with this.

Apart from this, it is important to also help him identify when he is 'triggered' by something and before the angers becomes unmanageable, so that he can name the anger building up before he 'flips his lid'. Naming the anger at that point will help him regulate it better.

Finally, I would always advise using a set of our FEELIT cards to help him identify what is actually beneath the anger as anger is usually a secondary feeling that comes from feeling powerless (children often do!) or ashamed.

I hope this helps!

Thank you - this was a really helpful answer. Hope it's okay that I'm being greedy and asking another question!

Are there any early 'warning' signs that could suggest that your child is struggling with something emotionally that parents should look out for and address before it becomes a bigger problem? Any advice for how parents should broach the initial conversation when they think something might be wrong.

Thanks again for your great answers!

@happyhappyhappy123 no problem regarding being greedy, I’m here to help ☺️!

This is a delicate question as children are all different but there are early warning signs that you can watch for to identify emotional struggles in your child.

These signs may include sudden changes in behavior, such as increased irritability, withdrawal from social activities, declining academic performance, or a noticeable shift in mood. If you notice these signs, it's important to initiate a conversation with your child.

When broaching the topic, choose a comfortable and private setting. Start with open-ended questions like, "How have you been feeling lately?" or "Is there anything on your mind that you'd like to talk about?" Listen actively without judgment and validate their feelings. Avoid pushing for information but let them know you're there to support them.

If your child doesn't open up immediately, let them know that you're available whenever they're ready to talk.

Another great way to engage in conversations is to offer them a structured journal such as the Happy Confident Me journals and emotions cards such as FEELIT as these were designed to help children open up to their parents and to help them better explain what they are going through.

If you remain concerned about their emotional wellbeing, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counsellor who specialises in children's mental health. Early intervention is key as it can make a significant difference in addressing emotional challenges before they escalate.

Hi Nadim

Is there anything similar to your work aimed at childern in yr10/11? I have a DS who has had a behaviour change and appears to have got into a bad friendship group. He's moody, agressive and defiant but also has moments when he is kind and thoughtful.

Thanks