AMA special guardianship order

[Specialguardianshiporderchild]

Inspired by another thread, I was a special guardianship child. In the care of my grandparent from the age of 10.

There's not much talk about this. I think there's a wrong perception that where immediate family take on the children, all abuse ends. For me, a lot of the abuse continued despite being 'safe'.

Happy to answer any questions!

I'm creeping up to 35 now but my childhood haunts me.

I remember going to the solicitors with my grandparent because my abuser wanted custody.

He bought me a bed when my mum lost custody. Used it as proof he could provide for me and my siblings. At no point were our feelings and thoughts gathered. It was a very difficult time.

What did SS miss when they assessed your grandparents as being appropriate guardians?

I understand that in many situations where relatives are not approved for SGOs, it’s because it was felt they would be unlikely or unable to keep the child/ren away from abusive/addicted/parents — is this what happened to you?

Do you have a happy life now?

No, I'm very aware of my parents addictions so I can't enjoy alcohol or anything else that may be addictive.

I overcompensate with my children because I want the best for them. It's exhausting. I have no guidelines for parenthood.

@Lehenaghmore They simply weren't involved until my abuser tried to get custody.

I found that out through a SAR.

The abuse continued for years. My grandparent wasn't aware.

She was the greatest person. I miss her every day.

She wasn't ready to take on me and my siblings. She done the best she could. That included accepting a payment for a bed from my abuser. He used it to try and get custody.

Hi all hope this is okay to post here new ti this so not sure if I’m posting on right place 🤣🤣

so my youngest are on a SGO with their fosters, now I do trust the sgos holders hence why we agreed to it! after Wednesdays contact I’ve been a bit on edge , so my daughter has had anxiety since she went , there’s been a few contacts now where she’s very mindful of what she’s eating or what presents we buy her in case her guardian doesn’t like it yesterday she told my mum ( her nan) that my mum wouldn’t like me eating this ( McDonald’s ) last time we seen her and my son (2) she was still referring to her by her name now they both call them mum and dad it’s only been 2 months!! , I’d say about 5 months ago maybe longer the potential of them calling them mum and dad was on my mind so obviously I made the SGO holders aware and I had back that wasn’t their intentions their sole reason for having the SGO was so they could stay together and still see their family which I will FOREVER be grateful for! But I do feel like they have completely undermined/ disrespected us that may not been the case but given the conversation we had I was very taken back by my daughter Caling her mum now I know 1000% my daughter knows me and her dad are her mum and dad! But my son who’s 2 I also said before I was worried he would get confused etc so that’s the main worry now! We are very consistent in their life Im we are going back to court November to try get them home at some point I’m so worried now that this could effect us getting them back if they say ‘ awe well they call us mum and dad etc ‘ as you can imagine a million thoughts are going around in my head! What if they have done this on purpose what if they are going to try start slowly getting rid of us all them horrible thoughts and I’d be absolutely devastated even after over a year my daughter clearly isn’t settled end of the day we don’t know them well we don’t know what type of people they are I know they adore my kids and they love them but I’m worried about how they are going about stuff , my daughter also told me she’s been crying for me which absolutely breaks my heart I’ve been crying on and off since Wednesday thinking about it 😔 I’m thinking of making an appointment with my solicitor Monday to let him know what’s been said I have no intentions of like trying to get them from them because of it as that would just be petty and effect my kids! And iv alwasy said that I’d like them to remain a part of their life removing them from their guardians isn’t even something I’ve thought about doing anyway , I’m just a bit broken hearted at the sgo holders really 😔xx