AMA with Thomas Curran, author of The Perfection Trap - Tuesday 27th June

[NicolaDMumsnet]

Hi all,

We are pleased to announce that Thomas Curran, professor of psychology at the London School of Economics, will be doing an AMA tomorrow evening (Tuesday 27th June) in the wake of his latest book 'The Perfection Trap'.

More about the book:

'Gathering a wide range of contemporary evidence, Thomas Curran calls for both a mindset shift and broader, societal change. He explores the paradoxical effects of perfectionism on everything from performance to social and financial inequality, and shows what we can do as individuals to resist the modern-day pressure to be perfect - and how we can create a culture that celebrates the joys of imperfection.

If you've ever felt overwhelmed by the soul-crushing need to compete for more or to be the best, The Perfection Trap is for you. Learn to prioritise what's important, meet the world where it is and strive for purpose instead of more by embracing the power of 'good enough' in your life.'

The AMA is now open for questions.

As always, please remember our guidelines - one question per user, follow-ups only if there’s time and most questions have been answered, and please keep it civil.

Thanks,
MNHQ.

Hello everyone, Thomas here. I'm looking forward to this AMA!

Hi Thomas, I am yet to finish your book but really enjoying it so far (although I'm only about 10 pages in!). Do you think there has been a rise in perfectionism recently? And if so do you think this is a consequence of the 'hustle culture' that seems to be more prominent now (especially with social media).

Thanks!

Hello! Thanks for the question and I'm pleased you are enjoying the book.

Indeed, there's a great deal of insecurity in the modern workplace. Old-era securities like long-term contracts, benefits, worker protections, and a predictable schedule are being phased out. In their place is a casualised workplace where contracts are short-term, there are few protections, and workers typically hop from one job to the next with regularity. Working identities in this new place of work invariably get bound up in illusions of "hustle" or "the grind." Its a sneaky way of selling insecurity as something exciting, something liberating and empowering.

But it is anything but. Insecurity means we're extremely apprehensive about how we're appearing and how we're performing. We worry about failure because failure could mean being let go. And we come extremely hypersensitive to other people's good opinion. All these things instil in workers a need to be perfect because, well, if not perfection, then how else are we going to avoid being let go and guarantee other people's approval?

So yes, I do think this new hustle culture is exacerbating perfectionism - especially among young workers.

Hi Thomas, I'm on an external leadership course at the moment that is all about finding "your amazing" and living your best life and signing up to making various changes. I can't quite square it with the therapy work I've done over many years to find joy in the small things, practice gratitude and be at peace with stuff like not chasing a C suite role etc. To be honest I'm a lot more contented since I adjusted my expectations. I suspect the coaches wouldn't agree with my assessment of the course, but I'd be interested in your views on the general gist. Thank you!

Hi! Do you think there can be any benefits to striving for perfection? I sometimes think that by striving for 'perfect', I will achieve something better than if I was just striving for 'good' as I will have a greater focus on the details and put in more effort. If there are some benefits to this 'perfectionist' outlook, do you think it's possible to still gain these benefits without the detriments of perfectionism you discuss in your book, and if so how?

Hello!

Thanks for your question.

There's certainly a conventional wisdom in modern culture that to live well is to do more, have more, be more. So naturally, the wellness industry will ride on the coattails of those ideals, promising to unlock the secrets of the very best life - that life being, of course, doing more, having more, being more, in perpetuity, and with no limits.

This live-your-best-life fixation is submerging us in a thicket of never enough, wondering what all the self-improvement is for, or whether at the end of it all we'll taste something resembling contentment.

That inner conflict, in a nutshell, is the perfection trap. Because if all we ever search for is more, bigger, better, then contentment will forever slip from our reach. Just like chasing the horizon, the closer we get to the "perfect life," the further it'll recede from view.

Only when we recognise that, only when we wash our hands of modern society's fixation on more, only when we appreciate that no one is bulletproof, and that to live well is to live inside all of ourselves, with all of our feelings, and all of our imperfections, will we learn that our "very best life" means simply living, breathing, existing.

Because those things are - and can only ever be - what makes us enough.

Hello!

Really great question. Short answer is no. Here's the longer answer:

When we look at the evidence, we find no correlation between perfectionism and performance. Now that's curious, isn't? Because you'd think that for all the mental health difficulties, perfectionists would at least perform better given the self-imposed pressures they put themselves through.

So what's going on here?

Well, perfectionists work hard, but they work too hard and sacrifice rejuvenating things like a good diet, exercise and sleep. Over time, all this overwork leads to burnout. And that's not especially conducive to high performance.

But there's also something else going on, something way more interesting. Perfectionists recoil from challenge and hold back their efforts if those efforts are likely to result in some kind of failure. Why? because you can't be seen to have failed if you didn't try. So when the going gets tough, perfectionists withhold effort or do other self-sabotaging things like procrastination, to manage the anxiety, shame and embarrassment that is coming down the road.

So, in short, perfectionism is a lot pain, for no gain. Much better to focus on being conscientious, diligent, and, yes, meticulous when that's needed. But not perfectionistic.

Thanks, Thomas, that's a super interesting answer!

Thanks Thomas - really appreciate your response. And your thoughts about self-sabotage are really thought-provoking.