I'm a counsellor ask me anything....

[askaway2023]

Not sure if this has been done before, I am a counsellor and happy to answer questions about counselling or being a counsellor.

Georgina - I did a degree, but there are other routes - often L.4 diplomas (with option to top up to degree). Courses will usually include academic work, personal development work and practical / placement experience (under supervision).

Georgina - I did a degree which consisted of academic work and placement practice.

Thanks for your answers so far, it's nice to be able to ask these questions. Counselling has been life changing for me.

What do you wish people knew about counselling before they started?

I have complex grief due to the sudden death of my child.

I have tried counselling, but to be honest felt they were a bit out of their depth.

They admitted the only personal experience they had was the death of a parent, which is quite different.

What advise could you give about how to find help for such a specific type of trauma?

Charities are out there, but only do phone or zoom sessions which I don't want. I want to find someone who I can relate to, bond with and see weekly in person.

Where I'm originally from, only Psychologists can give therapy. I had never came across therapy without a psychology degree until I loved to the UK

madcatters - I think it can be useful if people have some awareness of the different types of counselling and have thought about what would suit them best, so for example if someone is looking for a directive and goal orientated approach C.B.T or Solution Focused Therapy would meet their expectaions better than a non - directive approach like person centred counselling. I guess I also would like them to know they don't have to and shouldn't stay with a counsellor they don't feel comfortable with and that counselling is not regulated so checking out the credibility and ethical practice of a counsellor before going to see them is important.

Cuckoo - I am so sorry for your loss.

Counsellors will usually specify on their directory listing or website what experience and specialism they have so definitely look at that, also don't be afraid to ask them (via phone or e-mail etc.) before booking a session if they are comfortable and feel they can help with what you want to bring to counselling.

It isn't necessary for a counsellor to have had the same experiences as a client (in fact research shows that his can be actively unhelpful sometimes as they may revert to their frame of reference rather than yours) but often people do find it helpful to speak with others who have been through an experience very similar to their own, in this case a specific support group or peer support can be helpful too.

Same here. I still don’t really understand the concept of counsellors. I’m assuming it’s some sort of what we’d call ‘coaching’ at home

Exactly, I thought it could be closer to "coaching" (especially considering it's unregulated), so I'd like to understand the differences. BTW Gestalt therapy was mentioned upthread, something that is normally covered in a psychology degree (where I'm from that is).

You can find out more about what counselling is (in the U.K.) here:
https://www.bacp.co.uk/about-therapy/what-is-counselling/

Coaching is different but some modalities of talking therapy will incorporate elements of it.

Not sure if I exactly have a question here but interested to know if I'm missing something.

I looked into counsellor training a while back and did an L2 in listening skills (which I really enjoyed) and started the L3, at which point we were encouraged to think about how/if we would progress further.

At which point it seemed to me that unless you have private wealth or a rich spouse (I have neither sadly) it would be extremely difficult to take the vocational route (if you don't already have a degree and qualify for first degree funding that might be different).

I would have been paying the cost of the L4 diploma, the cost of private counselling, the cost of supervisions, plus the lost earnings of the time devoted to study and volunteering work. I would have been tens of thousands of pounds down (hundreds of thousands of pounds down actually when lost earnings taken into account), and at that point I would probably have had to take voluntary or minimum wage work at an agency (if I could have got it!) to build up experience.

It made me quite cross in the end - it felt like the whole (not-)profession is set up to be available only to the already-wealthy, which presumably contributes to counsellors not being very representative of the people they work with.

Do you recognise any of this or was I just being bad tempered?

Pacific - I agree counselling training is expensive and once qualified, paid jobs in the sector can be hard to come by. A fellow counsellor I used to work with used to call counselling "an expensive hobby" and I have to admit they had a point.

I know someone in London who charges 300per hr approx, poss even more. They are worth weight in gold. Exceptional. Do women counsellors, especially, sell themselves (very?) short.

This is my experience too. I loved it, I did well to begin with but couldn't afford to continue

Is it fair to say that the private counselling relationship is entirely based on the ability to pay? I ask because it seems a bit different to teaching a skill like piano, for example. It's a relationship involving a lot of trust and vulnerability, where the client needs to feel valued by the counsellor, and yet if the client can't pay it's over. How do you deal with this? The financial transaction aspect has put me off training in various therapeutic areas, though the ideas are fascinating and I would like to study them.

Although, just to add, I believe the counselling offered by the Samaritans is fantastic, and I expect there are many free services. I am only asking because it seems most counsellors need to work privately to earn well. I would struggle with seeing myself as genuinely caring, when I know it's conditional to payment. I hope that's not offensive, and would like to know how you deal with such issues.

8state - counselling is available free to clients via the NHS, Employee Assistance programs and various 3rd sector organisations, those who pay for a private counsellor do so by choice (and yes, of course because they can afford it).

The benefits of using a private counsellor for the client tend to be around instant accessibility, being able to choose the counsellor and having a choice about the amount of sessions. Fees and affordability are usually discussed with a client before or at a first session, many counsellors offer a sliding scale fee and / or would look at how sessions may continue should a clients ability to pay change over time (they may offer the client fortnightly sessions for example instead of weekly).

That said counsellors in private practice are performing a skilled job and will usually have spent a lot of time and money to get to where they are, they also have to pay membership body fees, marketing costs, monthly supervision fees and often room rent in addition to ongoing professional development costs, so the hourly rate they charge is not their take home pay by any means.

It is not unusual though for counsellors to feel a tension around charging for their services because as you say it can feel wrong to charge for a relationship, I have struggled with this myself at times but I have come to realise that the therapeutic relationship is not like any other relationship, it can be enourmously powerful and life changing for people, and as such is a real investment in self and wellbeing.

The Samartitans is a great service but samaritans are not counsellors, they are trained listeners with a particular and very important but limited role. Some samaritans of course, do go on to train as counsellors.

I don't find any of what you've said offensive, you've raised interesting issues and similar topics are often debated amongst counsellors in training.

Do you think some clients just cannot be helped? Re anxiety/phobias - Tried all forms of CBT, hypnotherapy, talk therapy - nothing helped- medication has now helped - do you think some people are just fixed and too resistant to be helped?

I've just finished my level 3 and loved it

Now not sure whether to do level 4 starting in april or a MA in counselling and psychotherapy starting next September. I'm 56 so worried I'm too old. Also not sure I'd I can afford it although the masters would be cheaper. I wish I'd started it years ago 😔

Where I'm originally from, only Psychologists can give therapy

Counsellors are not therapists.

@askaway2023 That's very helpful, thank you. I completed a counselling diploma years ago, as part of my job, and sometimes think of continuing my training. You have given me more to think about!

Do you believe when people list "too many" out of the ordinary things that have happened to them, or do you think they just have a condition that makes them make things up a lot?
Like how some people can perhaps have had abusive parents growing up, then they have some tragedies or abuse in teen years, more tragedies or abuse in adulthood and never really have many periods of calm.

They can call themselves therapists if they wish

My other option would be an msc in positive psychology, but presumably a psychologist is different to s counsellor...

tilly - I think there's a lot of variables around when and if counselling is helpful, some people may not be ready to change or they may not have found a counsellor who is right for them, or it may be that they will find one type of therapy more helpful than another - or they may just not find talking therapy helpful full stop, it's not helpful for everyone or for everything.

Welliehead - you're definitely not too old and there are lots of mature students on counselling courses and yes, psychologists are different.

Local - in the U.K.* *the terms counsellor, therapist and psychotherapist are commonly interchangeable.

8state - good luck if you go for it 🙂

Stilldre - I believe what clients tell me - many people have had multiple terrible experiences in life.
If a client is not telling the truth then that may become apparent over time and may be something the counsellor would explore with the client, but any challenge needs careful consideration within the context of the therapeutic relationship.

To give a different perspective - I did my counselling training one day a week (was already part time at work due to young children) as an MSc so got student loan as although I had an undergrad I was eligible for post grad loan which covered all of my fees, personal therapy and supervision.

I work for an charity that has 40 freelance counsellors. There is absolutely no shortage of work, I don't have to source it myself just ask the agency to allocate then I arrange and carry it out. The charity pays my supervision and covers all safeguarding issues (its a youth counselling charity).

I bring home around 4k a month for about 20 hours of counselling a week. I don't think any of my freelance colleagues have a rich husband and certainly none of us work for free!