I'm a counsellor ask me anything....

[askaway2023]

Not sure if this has been done before, I am a counsellor and happy to answer questions about counselling or being a counsellor.

Which professional body to you belong to and why?

Also: how do you market yourself and what forms of marketing have been most effective for you? What do you charge and where (roughly speaking) are you located?

What qualifications do you have? In what ways does the service you provide differ from the service provided by a psychologist?

I am with BACP, mostly because my training was accredited by them and I because they are probably the best known professional membership organisation.

What’s your opinion on the different types of counselling? Do you think one is better than the other? Eg gestalt v psychodynamic. There seems to be so many types it’s bewildering.

I advertise through online directories but don't do any other marketing. I am in the north of England in an area where the average fee is around £50 per session. I have a degree in counselling and other assorted CPD quals in specific areas.

My friend and his wife are having marriage counselling. She has had 10 sessions alone, he has had his sessions alone and now they are having joint counselling. All with the same counsellor. I was surprised as thought it wasn't the done thing. Would you consider that the norm?

Do you ever have a client/patient that you really want to give a good shake and tell them to pull themselves together and stop being such a passive wet blanket? How do you fight that urge and show empathy/validate them?

Re Psychology, that is a different discipline although it does overlap with counselling at time (there are counselling psychologists for example) but psychologists are usually more assessment based and behavioural in modality, theirs is also a regulated profession whereas counselling is not (yet).
There are a lot of different types of counselling, my modality is person centred - research tends to show repeatedly that it is the quality of the relationship between the counsellor and the client that is the most important factor (rather than the type of counselling offered).

Do you ever judge? Even a little bit?

Do you genuinely like your clients? Miss them when they leave? If they admit to an attachment with you, how does that make you feel?
Thank you for starting this thread.

Dozy - that is not the norm from what I know about couples counselling. The usual practice would be to always see the couple together but maybe offer a one off single session to each of them, if that would be helpful. Not uncommon for couples to have separate therapy before or even alongside joint therapy but this would not usually be with the same counsellor. However there are no rules about it and counsellors do work in very different ways.

Ted - that made me laugh, but no it doesn't happen. Once I sit with and 'tune into' a client it doesn't take long to understand what they are feeling and why and so this empathy does stop a "pull yourself together" type response from arising.

what is a bigger problem that we realise?

I have had extensive counselling and found it hugely useful. My abusive ex-husband also had counselling after we split. My therapist validates my feelings and without her help, I would not have seen how abusive he is. Will he have had his feelings validated too? He often accused me of being abusive when the reality was far different to how he portrayed it.

Yes, sometimes I'm aware of judging internally (I think it's only human) but if that comes up I would reflect on that and maybe discuss it in supervision as it would be about my stuff rather than the client and I would need to be aware of how it may impact my work with that client.

Yes, I genuinely care about my clients (not quite the same as liking, but I almost always like them too or find a likeable part of them). I miss some of them, particularly if I have had a long therapeutic relationship with them but that passes quite quickly - it is part of the training to be okay with endings.

If they 'admit' to an attachment, that's okay we can look at that in therapy and it can often be very helpful.

cutesl - sorry, I don't understand your question.

ricekrispi - that's a really interesting question, I can't say how your ex's therapist would have responded to that. I always start from a place of believing what a client tells me but would notice with them if there were inconsistencies and be curious about that, maybe offering some challenge around it too where appropriate. I think there is a difference between validating feelings and validating behaviour if that makes sense. I am glad your counselling was helpful and that you are away from that abusive situation now.

Have you ever become friends with a former client? What's your position on said friendships ?

Do you make a good living from it?
How many clients would you see a week and is that consistent?

the question is... is there a bigger problem that we realise. For example with rape, domestic abuse etc. One other counsellor I spoke to did it for NHS and said she things 90% of the problem is lack of finances.

As a follow-up then, have you become aware that you are counselling an abusive man? If so, what steps can/do you take in therapy to address that?

We also had two bouts of relationship counselling and one of the counsellors took the opportunity to tell me he was abusive when he stormed out of a session. I didn't listen to her and stayed for another ten years.

Would you like to see the title of counsellor be a protected title?

80 - I have never become friends with a former client, this is a potentially complex area where there are a lot of ethical issues to consider - my view is it is almost always inadvisable.

Highqueen - it is not my sole source of income but I do know other counsellors in private practice who make a good enough living from it.

Cutesl - D.V is a complex issue and I'm sure socio-economic factors can play a part.

Rice - I can't talk about any of the clients I have seen. The therapist response to being made aware of abuse happening will vary according to the individual therapist and whether they work for an organisation or in private practice. If working for an organisation then often safeguarding policies would guide response and actions. In private practice this would usually be dependent on the therapist's contract or initial agreement with the client.

Roses - yes, I would - currently anyone can advertise themselves as a counsellor and for obvious reasons that's worrying.

@askaway2023 what I think @cutesl is asking you is whether there is an frequent issue that you encounter when counselling that isn't something that is well known as an issue.

What did your training consist of? I've benefited enormously from counselling and was considering retraining in the future so I can help others.