I have 13 siblings- AMA!

[1ofMany]

I've seen this done from parents of large families before and thought I could do mine as a child of one.

Is there an oddball/ outcast that you don’t all get on with?

How did you eat meals? Was your house quite large with a very big table?

How did your mum manage a job when she was pregnant for 20years?! She just have had near back to back mat leaves, even if only short?

This is so interesting, thanks OP!

You say that you’re all closer to some siblings than others, did you form ‘allegiances’ growing up?

Like if you had favourite siblings, would you stick up for them automatically against less favoured siblings or secretly share things with them that you wouldn’t with the others?

Was there ever any ganging up on certain siblings or people getting involved if two had a falling out? How did your parents manage conflict between you?

Are your kids close as cousins?

I only have one sibling so find the inner workings of larger families fascinating!

We're all odd in our own ways and we all have specific things about us that annoy the rest that we just have to let slide.
Some don't speak much to most others apart from our family events but all have at least 1 they are closer to and see often, so although they aren't in the center of things they are still close to somebody and we all still keep updated on family group chats.

Your parents sound so savvy!

Minimal mat leave. She had to be asked to please take her leave more than once because she worked right til the end, and nursery/childcare at an age most would never consider sending their babies at.
That is one regret they both have- the very early age we started nursery at. My mum especially says that is one thing she would do differently when she looks back.

How could they afford to have so many kids in nursery at once?

Growing up there were no solid allegiances though sometimes were 2 on 1 arguments, but who those 2 were would change.

We sometimes had secret snack stashes and would share with one, but that was usually because they'd done a favour or needed cheering up or had shared with us recently.

Ganging up sometimes but never the same ones, the target would always change and the mean ones would always change. Sometimes it was me. My DC would love lots of siblings and one says they want to have lots of children, so I always tell them the stories of the days it was me so I can put them off 😂

Cousins are much like us siblings- closer to some than they are with others but all play with each other at family events. The ones who are old enough speak to each other on a cousins group chat and play online games together.

When I was younger I always looked at 2 sibling families and thought their house must be so quiet and tidy and they both bake together all the time (now know you only need 1 for noise and mess haha). Apparently, according to my parents and others, the 3rd child makes the difference and then it's all the same after that. So 2 seems like the perfect number to me, but maybe I'm biased!

Did your parents have a favourite?

The same way they were able to afford to feed and clothe us all! I have no idea and am always in awe. I always ask my mum how they managed financially in general not nursery necessarily, and she just says they "managed" or that because they've never smoked or been drinkers life was cheaper. They had income apart from work though so that would have helped.

Starting school at 4, only maybe 3 of us at nursery at once though now I think about it? I'm not sure if nursery was cheaper in those days too? I know there's always discussion on how expensive it is these days, so was possibly more affordable back then. I'm going to ask them about that actually!

My dad had lots of luck when he was younger which helped and my mum has always been really good with money plus had inheritance, so the combination worked well out well for them.

They always said no, but that didn't stop any of us feeling it at different times.

Was it odd for you to (presumably) grow up with siblings who had already left home when you were very young? Did you see them often once they left? Do they feel like equals to you now, or more like aunts and uncles?

I have a friend from a large family who's a nun and some of her siblings were only toddlers when she left home and had very little contact during the early years in the convent. She gets on well with them now, but it seems strange for me to have siblings that don't grow up together.

Looking back, do you not think it was a bit irresponsible? I mean, considering climate change (not to mention declining fish stocks, environmental destruction, mass extinction, and the sheer lack of space). I don't mean to be rude. Your parents sound like good people, as do you, but I don't know how anyone can justify having that many kids.

In 1900, there were a billion people on Earth. By 1960 that had trebled to three billion. In 2000 it was six billion. Now we're at eight billion. People talk about declining birth rates, but that's not true everywhere. Africans, for example, still have five children, on average, and Africa's population is going to double by 2050. If it was up to me, I'd make it a law that no one can have more than three kids. There ought to be a UN agreement.

It was nice because they went to uni and started careers in different places around the country before eventually moving back to our home city. They would sometimes have us over to stay for a weekend/week during school holidays so we got to see different places.

We're more like equals now than when I was a younger adult. When I was much younger they were like the really fun aunts and uncles. Young enough to play with us and know all the "in" things of the time but old enough to lay down the law or lecture us.

It is a very different dynamic when there's such a large gap but as you get older the gap feels much smaller, especially after 30. Probably even more of a different dynamic if one of them isn't around much for a few years like your friend.

How old were your parents when their first child was born and when their last child was born?

It worked well for us for purely selfish reasons. If they hadn't done so, I wouldn't have much family as an adult as we have no extended family.

Climate change- yes, we only have to look at highly populated China to see what damage they do as a whole even though they actually cause LESS damage per capita than countries with a lower population than theirs like USA, Germany, Qatar, Canada and others. So it's not only what we are doing but how many of us are doing it.

BUT, probably a whole other thread but it's been shown that those in poorer countries might have more children on average but that they do less damage to our planet whilst also feeling the worst effects of climate change caused by the people in richer countries with less children, so swings and roundabouts really and you'd be banning the ones causing least damage from having 3+ children because of the actions of the ones who have 3 or less if you did make that law. Over population isn't good but I think there's more to it than that.

I wouldn't personally have so many. Then again, I might think differently and do what my parents did if I knew mine would have no cousins, aunts or uncles. Who knows!
I do see your point though and do worry about the way we farm, way we fish, deforestation etc. I do also believe there are other more sustainable ways to live without causing all this damage but consumers wouldn't like it and the big companies wouldn't like it so it won't happen, though younger generations seem to care much more about these things than previous generations have so it could change.

Ooh interesting op I have 13 siblings too and am also the 12th child.

Early 20s for the first and 40s for the last.

We sometimes had dinner separately (I used to joke that it was like school having first sitting and second sittings) and the younger ones would eat first for an earlier bedtime.

Sometimes we ate together but not at a table! We did Chinese/Turkish/whatever style but actually with 2 coffee tables and loads of cushions to sit on.
Dinner was one I always joked about because we would get called in sets to go and get our plates to take in so would just be an endless stream of names being called like the Brady bunch 😂

Haha, that's amazing. I've never met another number 12 before! Closest has been 13 or 10.

Interesting read. I went to school with a girl who was one of 13. How many grandchildren do your parents have now?

18, I think. I always feel like I'm forgetting somebody when I count them haha. My parents know off head and mention it once in a while, but I always forget!

Are you or any of your siblings neuro diverse. I wonder if it would be harder to grow up neuro-diverse in a large family- much harder to make adjustments to eg. reduce noise, support disorganisation, support fussy eating, spend time coaching for language or reading delay etc etc.