I was unable to make friends at school AMA

[BluebellBlueballs]

Class weirdo and bullied, couldn't make friends at all until my 30s. Have a few now but it's been difficult my whole life. AmA

Hello, Do you have insight as to why you couldn't make friends? I feel like I am similar to an extent. I have friends but not many.

Same, but my reason was obvious. My parents moved a lot when I was a kid, I went to 5 different primaries and 2 secondaries.

Never felt like I fit in, always felt like the outsider. As soon as I started to get used to somewhere it seemed we were off again. Was also extremely shy, possibly as a knock on effect.

To this day I struggle with friendships. I have lots of acquaintances and a busy social life, but nobody I feel close to and nobody I can confide in.

I'm a closed book, and as I'm nearly 60 now I doubt I will ever change.

Yes, I had therapy in my 30s which broke the false programming. I'd blamed my parents divorce on myself as a v young child. I'd internalised a negative perception of myself as bad/ unworthy and this was then my experience. The epiphany in therapy that this wasn't true was powerful and amazing!

Me neither, but I was a clever child at a rough school where any kind of achievement was viewed with hostility by peers and even by staff, inexcusably. I’d vaguely assumed school was like the rest of life, but of course it wasn’t. University was brilliant, and I’ve never since struggled with friendships, despite a lot of international moves.

Do you feel like it has scarred your life as an adult? Or made you stronger?

As a child all I wanted to do was die. I feel lucky I've survived that. But I had a major fall out with a former best friend last year and she used my past against me she'd known me a long time. That was fucking horrible and she then bad mouthed me to another friend I met through her but was independently friendly with. Or so I thought. They were both nasty to me knowing it would hit me in the cojones given my childhood. I still don't really understand what happened it wasn't like I did anything specific to upset her but she wanted to call time on it, in the worst way

I got through that though and I'd say I have 3 -4 solid friends, some more casual ones and a lot of acquaintances through a social network who i enjoy the company of and some may become friends in time.

I always struggled in friendship groups and am better 1:1 but that can create its own pressures too.

I try to let things go when they are not reciprocal now, in the past I'd cling and cling.

Thanks for your honesty and I am sorry you had to go through that experience, they were clearly not good people. From all the threads on Mumsnet, friendships are clearly not simply the wholesome life-affirming entities that are shown on TV or sold to us on social media.

I have never had much trouble making friends but have in the past put too much importance on them and expected too much which of course led to a sense of rejection when friends did not deliver and emotional burnout trying to be all things to all friends whilst also working and looking after my own family! Now I am older and wiser I still value good friendships but I also value doing things on my own, friendly acquaintances and casual friends - not everyone has to be a bestie or a friend for life!

Have a lovely rest of the bank holiday weekend, OP.

Totally the same for me op, never had any friends at school actually ended up leaving early due to bullying and my mum home educated me but I use the term loosely so I never had any “school friends” people have found it very odd and I’ve always struggled to explain it to people how did people find you having no friends? Did anyone ever judge you on it or find it odd? My ex couldn’t get his head round it.