AMA
WaltzingWaters · 24/02/2023 11:57
Thank you for this thread, it’s been lovely to read. My mum was on ECMO a few years ago and sadly couldn’t come back from her month long induced coma. I have always wondered if she was scared, if she could hear us, especially in those moments where we had to say goodbye. I know of course it’s different for everyone and your experience will not be the same as hers, but it’s been an interesting read.
You sound incredibly strong and love that you see the humour in all your very interesting dreams!
GhostFaen · 24/02/2023 13:40
ThreeLocusts · 23/02/2023 22:44
OP you sound very resilient, generous and you clearly can see the funny side. Hats off.
Do you think that your ICU experience has somehow made you stronger/more balanced/more focused on what matters or any such? Could you draw any positives from it?
I felt broken for a good few years. There was some anger in amongst the pain.
I think it’s made me less understanding of what I believe are small trivialities (I try to tell myself that trauma is relative, but it can be hard).
The positives? I wouldn’t be who I am without having gone through it, or where I am in life. I wish my family hadn’t gone through it, but I wouldn’t turn back time as it would probably significantly change my life, and I like where I am.
GhostFaen · 24/02/2023 13:41
verballyincompetent · 23/02/2023 22:53
Did you have any sense that you could "choose"? I was very very I'll in ICU and I had a feeling I could choose - and I felt perfectly at peace that I would die - but could choose to fight which would be harder. I was 18 at the time... chose to fight and here I am!
Yes, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. You have the choice to fight and we both did. Whilst it was a mental fight, I think if we hadn’t we wouldn’t be here.
So glad you fought ❤️
GhostFaen · 24/02/2023 13:43
emptythelitterbox · 24/02/2023 05:18
Thank you asking. He had a traumatic brain injury and had quite a bit of rehab and had to relearn things. Occupational, physical, and other therapies which he loved.
He had a weakness on one side of his body that looked similar to a stroke. I moved into his bedroom where we co-slept as I felt he needed reassurance and protection. I also resigned from my job to help him recover.
I remember we were outside and it started snowing and he asked me what it was. I told him and he said he thought it was feathers. It must have been frightening and confusing to an 8 year whose world used to make sense and waking up and it no longer made sense.
He still has slight effects today but in our opinion, he had an amazing recovery.
GhostFaen · 23/02/2023 14:42
Gosh, only 8? How was he recovery wise, if you don’t mind me asking? I hope he’s happy and healthy now ❤️
emptythelitterbox · 23/02/2023 14:35
What a very interesting thread.
I recall after my late husband's cancer surgery him being in the ICU on heavy doses of morphine. He was definitely hallucinating.
He knew who I was and all but he insisted there was a cat in the room and the litter box needed emptied!
My son was in an induced coma for nearly a week after an auto accident. A month later I'd received the police report and the report was a death report. Needless to say I lost it reading it.
After they removed the breathing tube and brought him out of the coma he said he was thirsty, had a bad headache and sore throat and asked me why he was in the hospital.
He didn't really say much about it as he was just 8 years old and I was super focused on his recovery.
He's mid 30s now!
Gosh, so see snow for the first time. Insane!
He’s so lucky to have you. How are YOU doing? As I’ve said earlier, I honestly think it’s worse for the family to have to go through.
I’m so glad he’s recovered so well
GhostFaen · 24/02/2023 13:49
WarmestRegards · 24/02/2023 06:21
I send my love and admiration to any of you who have been through this. 
Fascinating thread OP. I hope it’s not offensive to say that I’ve found it uplifting to read. The experience sounds traumatic and heartbreaking, but what really comes across is your resilience and the strength of the human spirit.
The battles you endured, not only physically but through the trials in your dreams sound completely overwhelming.
For what it’s worth, from one mum to another, you passed all the tests. X
My question is, have you changed your opinion on death/the afterlife/religion, particularly after what you were put through by a ‘god’?
@WarmestRegards this is such a kind post, thank you. I’m so lucky to have had such wonderful family around me. My step mum took a sabbatical from work, took over my role and had to hit the ground running. She says my not even 2 year old looked at her on night 3/4 (don’t think I’d ever been away from him) and she could see his little brain going “ok, you’re mummy now”. The fact that the boys have kept such a healthy mental health I think is 100% because they were people they loved, and who they knew loved them.
I worried we’d have serious problems show as time went on. 9 years later…I think we’re ok.
I haven’t changed my mind about god/afterlife. I’m agnostic, I think spirituality is important to a point, but that importance is not it’s how you live your life, not when you die. I wholeheartedly believe it was my brain trying to figure everything out.
GhostFaen · 24/02/2023 13:54
Sophoclesthefox · 24/02/2023 07:43
Fascinating thread, OP, thank you.
Am a bit embarrassed for the posters who appear to need you to know that your chosen terminology for your experience is not “correct”, (seriously, way to utterly miss the point you total numpties) but hats off to you for telling them to GTF. Wholeheartedly agree.
I’m unfortunately having a crash course in the workings of an ICU this week and this has been really timely and helpful. I have made a note to steer well clear of Radio 4, my loved one has a vivid enough imagination without providing further ammo…
Thank you. I’m not going to argue with anyone but you’re right, I think it says more about them. All I can hope is that they just haven’t read the post and are happy with their decisions.
I’m so sorry you’re currently in the ICU bubble. Einaudi is very calming 😅. I wish a speedy recovery. Look after yourself. Your loved one is in the best hands so remember you need looking after too.
GhostFaen · 24/02/2023 13:54
Thatcatisdrivingmenuts · 24/02/2023 07:49
@NewBrightonEel
My father was in a coma once and wasn't fearful at all. Please don't extrapolate from one person's experience; it's unlikely to be your dds, and in fact I expect it's uncommon.
Yes please don’t take my experience as gospel. It’s an important message.
GhostFaen · 24/02/2023 13:56
Chillyallday · 24/02/2023 08:07
I have a relative going through similar in ICU - this thread is very helpful thank you for posting. Could I ask - what did you family do that helped with your recovery?
I genuinely don’t think my family could have done more. I worry that they should have looked after themselves more, in hindsight, but feel I’m the moment it was a one foot in front of the other situation.
i think it’s very important to realise that you’ve both gone through trauma, but that the traumas where very, very different and to be understanding with each other.
GhostFaen · 24/02/2023 13:57
WaltzingWaters · 24/02/2023 11:57
Thank you for this thread, it’s been lovely to read. My mum was on ECMO a few years ago and sadly couldn’t come back from her month long induced coma. I have always wondered if she was scared, if she could hear us, especially in those moments where we had to say goodbye. I know of course it’s different for everyone and your experience will not be the same as hers, but it’s been an interesting read.
You sound incredibly strong and love that you see the humour in all your very interesting dreams!
I’m really sorry for your loss. ❤️
mysunandstars · 24/02/2023 14:00
GhostFaen · 23/02/2023 21:25
It’s absolutely worse for the loved ones. You went through far worse than we ever could, because you had a full brain and consciousness throughout. Sending you all my love
mysunandstars · 23/02/2023 21:01
My husband suffered a cardiac arrest last year and after 3 shocks from an AED with some CPR they managed to get him back. He spent some time in ICU in a coma. He remembers absolutely nothing the day of the arrest and a good week after he woke up.
Post ICU delirium is a real thing though, he absolutely wasn’t himself for a while after he woke and we weren’t sure if he’d suffered brain damage from his down time. However he was convinced he was at the beach and his nurse had been in the sea. Thankfully he fully recovered.
I would say at times he feels frustrated that he can’t remember anything and wishes he knew more, other than black nothingness for that time. I sometimes feel jealous he doesn’t remember how traumatic that time was for us all. His nurse told me the hearing is the last thing to go so to talk to him when he was in the coma - I played him videos of his daughter in his ear, convinced it anything would stir him it would be her. Guess we will never know if he heard her.
Thank you so much. He ended up being diagnosed with a genetic heart disorder, not a single symptom for 40 years, just straight into a cardiac arrest one day with no warning. We now face a wait to see if our daughter has inherited it too.
I do think things like this change you, forever, the trauma. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us, we definitely live for the moment now which is one good thing to come of it, we never take our family time for granted anymore. Lots of love and best wishes for the future to you too.
Minteraye · 24/02/2023 15:12
Nannyfannybanny · 24/02/2023 13:49
You don't "only die once". If you're in cardiac arrest and not breathing you are dead, and will stay that way if no one performs CPR.
Any medical definition includes the condition that it’s irreversible and permanent
Hear what you’re saying tho
Nannyfannybanny · 25/02/2023 12:23
There have been cases of young children falling into very cold water, been down... pulseless for 30 minutes and resuscitated successfully. I nursed quite a lot of people in coma after accident or head trauma...(they weren't ventilated)we were always told,you don't speak in front or over them. To them,yes, some did remember me talking to them. They thankfully didn't have the bad dreams and hallucinations. People really don't know how brutal it is,and the toll it takes on the body. Am glad you came out the other side.
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