I was bullied in school - AMA

[Tayloru]

Ask away…

Do you have anger feelings towards your bullies now?

What do you wish your teachers had done differently?

What do you wish your parents had done?

Not mostly, in some ways yes. I don’t even really know how I feel, it’s hard to pinpoint it.

I wish they took it seriously and helped me. I felt very much alone. They normally did it when a teacher left the room or when they were out of eyeshot but the times they did see, they didn’t do much at all.

the one time I retaliated to a bully, I was the one who got told off for it which led me to not trust my teachers even more.

I wish they took me out of school and put me somewhere else despite my protests. I truly believed I would be bullied anywhere and that taking me out of that particular school wouldn’t have helped. I didn’t want them to even complain to the school at the time either because I just thought everything would make it worse.

Do you think the bullying has affected your personality at all?

I had the same thing. A teacher told my parents at parents evening that I was being bullied (I had no idea she knew) so my parents asked me if I wanted them to go to the school and see them about it. That just sounded like the worst thing - the bullying was bad enough when I hadn't got them into trouble, god knows how bad it would have got if I had!

Growing up it definitely did. I went from a very confident little girl, I was very extroverted - to shy and timid in every way. Scared to speak out. My confidence was shattered and mixed with my home life I became a people please, always wanting to keep the peace.

You just feel stuck don’t you, you want something to be done but shit scared of doing anything in case it makes it worse!

Exactly!

I was horrendously bullied at school OP, so I can sympathise with how it affects the rest of your life.

I recently came across one of my bullies in a shop, and still felt the fear I used to feel...even 20 years on! For a few seconds, I was my 13 year old nerdy self, eating my sandwiches in the toilet because I was so frightened.

Obviously, I have nothing to be frightened of now...I'm a 36 year old woman, who wouldn't take her shit...I could floor her now I am, however, still a nerd and proud of it!

I was horrendously bullied by someone at school and recognised her when she came into MY shop. All the memories came back but she didn't recognise me and expected me to be polite and nice to her. I was! but it was soo hard 😞

Do you feel that it has affected any romantic relationships? I was horrendously bullied at school. My mother did go into school a couple of times and spoke to hoy. All that happened was they told them to stop but they never did. A teacher told my mother I was 'different'. My first relationship and marriage was with a man that abused me so very badly and in every way that when it ended I had no clue who I was anymore. I then had another relationship that was abusive but less so. I now have a great DH. I had no clue though what a normal relationship should be like. I have BPD and I have been told by mental health professionals involved in my care that it's very very likely I autistic which fits most of me. OP I just wondered if you being bullied had an effect on you relationships and did it make you unsure of what a normal relationship should be like.

thats awful you had to go through that :(

It has in that I’ve become a people pleaser and ended up in some not nice relationships, I was with a very abusive and manipulative man in my first long time relationship and at the time I didn’t even realise it. I think because back then I didn’t realise that domestic abuse was more than just hitting someone, though he did do that years later. Now I’m married to someone who isn’t like that at all and looking back I realise I was in an abusive relationship.

I seem to attract more dominant people. Im aware im a people pleaser and im trying hard to not be as much now, but even in the dynamics of my marriage now - im still a pleaser and I think being bullied has deep routed that in me in a way as I always want the people im with to be happy. Probably so I get left alone.

Not sure if that makes sense! I have a lot to work through.

I haven't RTFT. I'm really sorry OP anyone else who has experienced bullying. I was bullied and very badly humiliated at school - put in a situation where I couldn't even feasibly defend myself against appalling damaging gossip.

However, I've thought about this a lot since. I don't know if I'm correct. From my experience childhood and adulthood- bullies very much like controlling the narrative. They hate it when YOU control the narrative and end up minimising your attempts to control the narrative. I've also found they've got a tendency to leave you alone more if you lie about aspects of your private life, as they think you're taking the piss and they really don't like bring humiliated.

The other thing I will say as someone who was severely bullied and humiliated in school - I've thought a lot about this and I hope this in a way is a consolation to at least one person on this thread - bullying is pantomime in a way - I hope this'll help people take it less personally, perhaps. Bullying is pantomime and they almost want a pantomime villain.

Sorry to all the people that went through this.

Can I ask what they did you to you OP?

And any advice for parents of children who are bullied?