I never knew or met my father. AMA

[skippy67]

Fire away!

What's the backstory?

How does this make you feel? Why did you never meet him?
Interested to follow this as...... neither did I! Meet/know my dad that is x

I don't really know much of the backstory. I have an older sibling by the same person. Dear old dad left my mum when she was pregnant with me. they were never married. She never really spoke about him.

Following .... my DS has never met his Father and is never likely too

Has this had an impact on you as an adult?

Growing up, it never really bothered me. I got used to saying "I don't have a dad" when other kids used to ask. As I got older, I gave it less and less thought. I'd occasionally wonder if he lived nearby, or even knew about me. After I had my own DC, I started to think about it more, because i couldn't imagine just up and leaving them without ever looking back.

Hmm, I don't think it has. It's a bit tricky when doctors ask if there's any history of this or that in my family, because I've only ever had 1 side. I know he had other dc after me and my sibling, and that he was in their lives. (I Googled his name and got a hit) that stings a bit...

I never met him ,because all I knew about him was his name, and that he lived abroad.

Following as DD's dad died before she was born.

Did you have any 'father figures' in your life, OP? X

No father figures. just a truly amazing mum.

Do you feel a part of you is missing or given your mum amazing (I’m so glad she is) is it possible to still feel completely complete without knowledge of him?
i am lucky to have a really lovely dad but ask because a relative wanted to have a baby with a donor but fretted over this and I didn’t have any experience or wisdom to reassure her

ps I didn’t mean my question to be insensitive as send such warm wishes to anyone in this situation especially when a dad has died . That must be really hard.
Also i guess there are so many variations possible, one of my friends said her DD was more stable and confident when her dad wasn’t in touch and was abroad

My situation is similar. I found it hard growing up, as I felt different from my peers but in adulthood, I've been pragmatic about it - better to have not known my father than to have had a horrid/abusive one. Agree with it being awkward when asked about family medical history. Apparently he died during my childhood and had no other children, so that's that.

TBH it's never occurred to me that I didn't feel complete! It's one side of my family history that's missing iyswim, not anything to do with me!

I've never felt incomplete. Never. Mildly curious at best, but never incomplete.

@skippy67 I know what u mean.... I was so used to saying 'I dont have a dad' it was fine.... til it wasn't .... and ppl questioned me on why? And even in my 30's my partners uncle presumed I was so spoilt being and only child with 2 parents, one being a 'daddy' to spoil me rotten 🤣 of only he knew the torture he out my mum thru mentally and the hardship we faced because hie had another woman 🤬

Do you have his name ?
Did you ever meet any of his family, your granny aunt's ECT ?
Good AMA to start well done

How'd you feel about the "punchline" of not knowing your dad being used in jokes? Since family member became a solo mam I have noticed this trope / meme / joke crop up in Bad Education, in Francisca Martinez's stand-up routine, in Finding Nemo, etc. It seems like it's an acceptable thing to joke about.

I've never met any of his side of the family. When i was born, I had my mum's surname. She changed it via deed poll to his so that me and my sibling had the same surname at school. Add i said upthread he left before I was born, so she had to register my birth on her own.

How'd you feel about the "punchline" of not knowing your dad being used in jokes?
Not bothered by this at all.

Exactly. I know I have 2 half siblings by him. I have zero interest in meeting or contacting them. I was in my forties when I finally saw a photo of my "father". Which is all I ever wanted to do. My sibling is the absolute double of him.

Do you think it’s easier because you never knew him compared to him perhaps having been part of your life as a child and then disappearing?

@MySweetBaboo, definitely.