i have 4 under 5 AMA

[Mrsphilmiller]

daughter just turned 5 xmas eve
twins 3 years 4 months
youngest 20 months old

they are all 20 months apart :)

What do you and your partner do for a living? Must be loud in the house. Do they all get along? Do you have much family help?

I’m struggling with my two under two so big kudos to you!!

i don’t work (thankfully) i understand how lucky i am in that respect.
My husband has a very good job.
No family.
They are very loud and nonstop.
They fight, but also hug it out.
We have routine so makes everything easier.

It’ll get better, trust me.

Do you think you will have more children? I'm only asking because my mum had four under five and went on to have several more!

How do you find getting out the house for the school runs? I struggle with 2 let alone 4

Do you ever think "wtf have I done?!"?

no more children for us.
we are happy with 4.
Getting out takes a lot of organising, but our school is 2 mins up the road so makes it a lot easier.

Were they planned?!

(You did say AMA…)

How old are you, OP? I'm just curious about whether you had kids close in age because you felt you might be running out of time.

sometimes we are like 🤯🤯🤯🤯
BUT it’s dialled down quickly if you can deal with the situation calmly.
and no, not all were planned.

First born was ivf
twins were also ivf but only had 1 transferred so therefore only expecting 1 baby.
Number 4 was a surprise baby.
Then DH had a vasectomy.

@PacificallyRequested i turned 40 last year

Are 4 much harder than 3? I have three 3 and under and would love 4 but I'm not sure if I could cope.

What's the hardest bits been?

Do you think it would be doable if you both worked FT? From a time perspective if you set aside childcare cost.

i think because the youngest is only a toddler it is a lot harder with taking all 4 out. When it’s the 3 oldest ones it’s a lot easier.

i couldn’t do this if i worked P/T or F/T, simply because for me, it works better if i can just focus on the kids, cleaning and cooking. if i had work to go to as well… the extra stress definitely wouldn’t be worth it (for me).

Do you have time for hobbies? What do you do for fun? Do you get much down or alone time

Does it impact you being able to work or do you share the childcare with your partner? Just wondering if it meant you had to take a lot of time off work and if so was that frustrating?

I've heard people say large families get harder as they get older, do you see that happening or do you have a plan for that?

Do you worry about not being able to provide emotionally for them all?

How do u do housework?
I struggle to do housework with 1 21 month old 😳
I do work FT, so does DH. But even when I am off work I still struggle to do housework because I don't like leaving him too long (plus he can be clingy), he stays in 1 place quietly if I put the TV on but I don't want him sat in front of the TV too long either. On the weekends were both off work so we go out the house. Then Monday morning rolls back round again and still no housework done 🙄
Nightmare

Not a question but just to say how envious I am! I'd have loved four but DH is adamant the two we have are it!

I am a terrible pregnant woman too, so grumpy and sick that he's probably doing us all a favour!!

No questions as I've been there. I had a 4 year old, 16 month old and newborn twins.

I've just come to say hats off to you 😊 💐

We had 4 in 5y 10m all singletons and a few losses too. Eldest is 18 now. Absolutely loved it when they were all young, they are very close they have their moments of course but they have a close bond. Definitely found the teenage years the hardest give me 4 under 6 any day. Not because my DC are necessary tricky or difficult just that life demands more from them social media, exams, friends, boyfriends, covid, bullying, mental health issues. I would love to go back to the days we all sat building mega blocks or playing tea sets life was much simpler. I’ve never regretted having four they never missed out on anything being one of four.

no time for hobbies, everything is completely about the kids at the moment.

i to get time to myself, my DH offers to have them whilst i go out/ sit in different room with my laptop/ just go for a walk.

Housework is never ending.
never ever stays tidy. clean yes, tidy no!

@justcouldntthinkofausername as i said before, i would find it very difficult to balance work/home life, in many ways i understand that having just 1 DC and working would be perhaps harder. So don’t he hard on yourself, i’m definitely not, i enjoy my kids BUT i count the minutes to when i give them ipads because even when they’re in bed, it doesn’t guarantee “me time”.

@headache oh gosh!! i do not look forward to teenage years, thanks for the heads up 😂

just that life demands more from them social media, exams, friends, boyfriends, covid, bullying, mental health issues.

That was my experience of teenage years as well, and I just had the one. Teenagers need you much more on an emotional level than small children do when a just kiss and a cuddle makes things instantly better. The stress of GCSE and A levels, UCAS and the expense of supporting students through university makes me wonder why some people want to go through it several times.

@Mrsphilmiller dont get me wrong I love having four but it is harder now they are older. DH and I get more freedom certainly we even get to go out for meals alone together now!

Cost is another factor DS is 12 and has gone from a size 4 to a size 6 overnight all my trainers and school shoes. Oh and his legs grow an inch a week or so it seems. When they were young they were much cheaper, hand me downs, they are less, they didn’t want iPhones.

luckily I was able to be a SAHM for 11 years as unless you have family to help childcare with 4 would be very expensive, I went back to uni and retrained and now have a decent career to help with the costs

Hats off to you @Mrsphilmiller
I come from a small family whereas DH has 4 siblings and they're a solid family unit. It's really hectic at Xmas or parties as they all have partners and kids so can be 20 people at one time but it's also nice as there's never a quiet moment I suppose!

Yes, cost will be a factor. 4 phones, 4 laptops - you can't get away with them sharing once they are at secondary school as all homework is set online on the school's VLE, clothes, hobbies etc.