I'm a domestic abuse worker AMA

[DVAMA]

I recently left frontline work but am still in the broader field.

Am doing this as I see a lot of abuse related stuff on the relationships board.

Ask me anything!

Do you think the person being abused is ever at fault ? I've recently been getting help. They have been amazing always saying I'm not to blame but I really don't believe it. Also do you struggle from what you have seen or heard ?

Have you ever thought about setting up a group of feminist vigilantes to take down abusive men?

Have you ever helped a man who has been abused by a woman?

@Hellamegafuckup

At fault for the abuse? Never. That doesn't mean that victims/ survivors are perfect though, they are often as flawed as anyone else.

On the flip side perps can also have decent attributes as well (eg, many survivors say they are good to the kids).

I think many really struggle to come to terms with the abuse they have experienced because they feel they are not the perfect victim. They feel like an 'imposter' when they start reaching out for help. The reality is you are allowed to be flawed, to make mistakes, and to be free from abuse, like everyone else.

Would a qualified and experienced domestic abuse worker / expert put up a t a thread like this without a trigger warning and without safeguarding signposting?

Answer: No.

@DVAMA Please amend accordingly.

@Hellamegafuckup

And yes it can be a struggle!

Would a qualified and experienced domestic abuse worker / expert put up a thread like this without a trigger warning and without safeguarding signposting?

Answer: No.

@DVAMA Please amend accordingly.

Unwatching now.

@infohere

Sorry, I don't know how to amend

Please report to Mumsnet HQ and they will assist.

Unsafe thread.

Unwatching and logging off.

@mimosaaa

Without talking specifics, a very small percentage of those who seek support are males. This is a good overview in my opinion:

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/domestic-abuse-is-a-gendered-crime/

But it says in the title of the thread! Do we need a trigger warning to warn about the title????

I am coming out of an emotionally abuse 30 year marriage. I have received a lot of support from local DV services and am now interested in working I the field once my situation is more stable. My background is in education and some office admin. Where would you suggest I start? Are there any courses I could do?

Apologies, I did think the topic was clear!

@YnysMonCrone

That's great! Many organisations will have guidelines on how long you are to be out of services before you can get involved. I think its very common to get into this field through lived experience.

If you don't have a strong background in health and social care, my advice would be to start volunteering, even if you can only an afternoon or so a week, which will often include free training. Experience is the most important thing when getting into this field. Once you have a foot in the door, organisations should support you in further training. You can also apply to training IDVA posts where you can train on the job. To do an IDVA qualification you need an active caseload anyway. So best to contact your local orgs about volunteering.

Thanks I will look into that when the time is right for me

The topic is clear in the title, cop on ffs.

The topic is perfectly clear, OP. The poster in question is just trying to make a drama for their own ends. Please don’t let it derail you from posting on this thread, I’m sure there could be a lot of good info/insight for vulnerable people, never mind the ‘just curious’, like me.

If anyone reading needs urgent help:

In an emergency call 999.

To report any incident, even if you consider it to be minor, call 101.
It's really important to have records of incidents.

The national helplines are listed here: www.gov.uk/guidance/domestic-abuse-how-to-get-help

To get advice on protective orders: 0800 195 8699

It is standard practice in the field to issue a trigger warning and safeguarding signposting. It would normally be added to the first correspondence as the OP is probably aware.

An OP working in the fleld would know this, other posters may not.

The OP has now amended to best practice and I would advise to continue to post trigger warnings and safeguarding signposting intermittently because it was left out of the original post.

Happy to be of assistance regarding this sensitive subject.
Will now be unpatching, logging off and not responding to Mumsnet emails.

@infohere

Thanks 🙂

@infohere why do you keep saying you are going to log off and I watch yet keep posting?

@WelshNerd

I believe this is sort of how the Violence Against Women and Girls sector emerged in the 70s! It was more of a movement back then with local ad hoc groups that were brought together by Women's Aid. It was really grounded in the feminist movement.

It has now become a sector and is a lot more formalised, regulated, reliant on complex funding streams...probably frowns more on vigilantism 😜