I am a British born Indian woman

[brownbeauty80]

I am born in uk but parents from Kenya and india...
I have knowledge on Indian culture..
Ask me anything...
food...
Clothes..
Beliefs..
anything at all...
😊😊😊

Slightly different question so I hope that's ok - I was wondering how you found it growing up in a different culture to your parents.

I'm from rural Scotland, my husband is from Himachal and so our daughter is having a totally experience to both of us growing up in very homogeneous cultures and I worry about being able to support her to navigate that in 2022 Britain.

My grandparents from one parent were also living here so I had no issues of learning the culture and traditions..
The only part myself and my cousins struggled with was our freedom to go out of the house after a certain time.. this was all in the late 80's.. (I was born in1980) but even that diminished when we proved we could be trustworthy and safe..
another thing that I remember is being able to eat beef.. as Hindus this isn't not allowed but one parent didn't have (and still doesn't) a problem with nipping to Mac Donald's for a hamburger or big mac..
I guess for you n yr child it's having to deal with 2 cultures and I can only say this will make yr child richer in knowledge.. they will pick and choose parts of both sides to adhere to..

What would you say are your favourite and least favourite aspects of both cultures/attitudes?

You describe yourself as an Indian woman. Does that mean that you feel more Indian than Kenyan? Or British? Can you pinpoint why your primary identity is Indian? Was one parent more engaged with passing on culture?

@rooinspace

My favourite aspects about being Indian consist of the colours... the amazing food... the tradition and the respect... the only thing I do not like is how we have many 'vegetarian' days where it's a special day according to what happened in the times of God.. on these days we stay away from non vegetarian food and alcohol...

@Orangio
Well my mum was born in Kenya to Indian born parents... she spent her life there till she was 18/19 then they had to leave... so she is still Indian...

What language(s) do you speak?

A friend from what sounds like a similar background grew up speaking a mix of Swahili and Gujarati. She could speak neither language fully and didn't always knows which words were Swahili and which were Gujarati. So she was bilingual but in a language that was only understood really within her wider family.

Do you identify as just Indian or the part of India you're from? As every state in India has different food, religion, language and cultural beliefs. And I'm always bemused by people who treat it as a homogenous entity because there isn't a singular 'Indian' way of being. A Bengali, Gujarati, Tamil etc person would all have very different experiences, as would someone from a big city vs a village.

How fluent are you in your parents' mother tongue?

Are you married and if so, does your partner have a similar experience as you growing up?

@HumbleApe
I speak English gujarati and hindi... I can understand Punjabi but cannot speak it... I can also read and write gujarati and hindi..

My mum spoke Swahili before marriage as that was the language in Kenya..
my dad has picked up few words and sentences from her as have me n my siblings... I also use a few Swahili words as it's what if known the item to be... for eg pot pliers r called sansi in gujarati but makasi in Swahili... we always use the word makasi.. a few more words r dotted about like this too...

@ganvough
I identify as a British born Indian
I stick to the things I have been taught by my grandparents and parents... I have added the values of my husbands family also... we r a happy mixture of all the beliefs we have all grown up with...

@LoopDiL00p
I am expert level in gujarati speaking reading and writing...
Hindi I am only able to read..
Swahili I am only able to use a few words that we have dotted into our gujarati language ..

I am married.. husband born in india... came here after marriage... his parents were born in india.. he is the only person from his family to be out of the country..

That's interesting you say that as my mum was from Guyana, left to come to the UK in her early 20s, and was the daughter of descendants of Indian born people, but she identified as Guyanese rather than Indian. Just shows how complex people's individual identities are.

For me personally, officially I am half Guyanese, but ethnically half Indian, but I would identify as 100% British - my mum didn't have any ties to Guyana or India (by choice) so me and my siblings grew up surrounded by my dad's white family in a predominantly white middle class area. But if pushed I guess I would be more interested in visiting India than Guyana, as genetically half my roots are Indian rather than indigenous Guyanese.

@ConstanceL
I totally understand ur side....
I think my mum took on the Indian culture as her parents were born in india rather then take on the culture of where she was born..

I love the diversity it has brought to our family...

But is that Indian culture or Gujarati culture? As an example, there are many communities/states where even on religious days they would eat fish because they're coastal communities and fish is a key part of their diet. Some states/communities prohibit alcohol. Point I'm making is India is like Europe - every state is like it's own country and so Indian culture defers state to state. So no Indian can really speak on behalf of a single Indian culture.

@ganvough
Sorry I should have been more specific..
Gujarati culture is what we follow...

Hello - what are your views on the strong tendency towards a patriarchal culture, favouring sons over daughters and all round general crapness towards females, that is all too prevalent in some British Indian communities?

I was born and raised in England by parents who were born and raised in the Punjab and this was very much my experience of Indian communities. Its left me with no desire to force my dd to 'acknowledge her heritage'. That 'heritage' for me personally was almost entirely negative.
On the plus side it's made me scrutinise and want to change how women are treated by society in general.

BUT I totally acknowledge that not all Indian communities may be like that.

I am married to an Indian although he was born and raised in Europe so in maby

Argh! I'm constantly pressing send by accident!
So in many ways my husband is more western than Indian. He will say he is a Hindu but doesn't actually believe in God (or the Gods). He won't eat beef though.
His parents are very Indian, very religious and we've travelled to India several times. I absolutely love India, more so each time I go. Like you - I love the beautiful colours everywhere, the wonderful fabrics, designs, the amazing food. Most of all I love the people - wonderful people! I suppose there's 2 things I struggle with:

1. the caste system and treatment of the poor. My husband's extended family in India are rich and although they certainly don't mistreat their servants I do feel uncomfortable that these people are seemingly on duty 24/7 and it's hard to see how they have their own lives.
2. I see the gender divide and gender roles as being much more rigid in India than they are here. Men and women have very defined roles and are expected to behave a certain way. I think expectations are even more rigid for women and girls. They are there to look after the men. If my MIL catches DH washing up or something it distresses her! I notice how women always serve men at the table. My husband's cousin actually cuts up food for her husband (he's a surgeon!! He doesn't need help). I suppose I just really notice women having a more subservient role. I don't mean to be critical and I hope I haven't offended anyone. Like I say I absolutely love India and Indian culture. There's plenty of things I could criticise avout my own British culture (I could write a book on what's wrong with this country!) but what are your views on the above? Do you agree with me? Do you think I just misunderstand things or perhaps times are changing in India now.

@dameofdilemma
My family immediate and extended have never kept the girls at a lower level then the boys
I know this isn't the case everywhere...
I have noticed the girls in india being put forward for studies abroad and to learn new skills etc etc

@SallyWD
Definitely me n my daughter have noticed the lack of respect and consideration for the females generally in india during our visits there... for eg.. my in laws have a maid.. she arrives at 7am n goes back home at 7pm.. has a cup of tea while washing last nights dishes outside.. then she helps with making the breakfast and lunch.. she then has a bowl of rice with a little of whatever the curry is that day.. she won't be offered any popadoms n pickles or other nice tasty things that r a side dish type of thing.. she drinks water from the outside tap where she washes the dishes and clothes.. no cup or glass.. every time she is eating she is sat on the bare floor while everyone else is on the chair n table..
the men do not take their plate outside.. or even into the kitchen.. they wash their hands in their plate so the maid has to carry the plate full of water.. honestly I could go on forever with how bad maids r treated but for the maid she is just happy to be working in a home that is more lavish then her own hut where she won't even have a solid roof... she does all the clothes folding and putting away.. sweeping and mopping and all this is is with a smile... when we visit we always give the maid an extra wage and lots of goodies from here.. I have made friends with every maid I have met and my sis in law does not agree with this as she doesn't feel the need to be friendly with the maid... I'm like she has free roam of yr home so why wouldn't u be her friend..
in the uk we do all our own jobs such as cooking cleaning all laundry jobs so it's just a habit that we carry in when we r there and that's another thing my sis in law doesn't agree with... it's definitely a culture thing..

in india if u do not have a maid then u r a maid for someone....