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AMA

I'm a foster Carer - AMA

62 replies

JimBob61 · 13/08/2022 21:26

I've been reading the thread from the child protection social worker.
I have so much respect for SWs they are on their knees at the moment with ridiculous levels of cases.
I've been a FC for 18 years now and happy to answer questions if anyone is interested.

OP posts:
JimBob61 · 14/08/2022 14:49

DoubleShotEspresso

That's a good article. It's true most carers prefer not to talk about finances. I would hate anyone to think I fostered for the money.
When I first started I left a job in marketing and took a huge salary drop because I only received the child's allowance and no salary myself. Over the years and following a lot of training I'm now a level 3 carer and I do earn a lot. But as I said earlier it's definitely not something anyone should do for the money although sadly some do.

OP posts:
JimBob61 · 14/08/2022 14:56

Purpleme12

They usually have a good idea about wether the allegation is true based on previous behaviours.
But the process must be followed. The child is removed and statements taken from everyone involved. We then have to go to a police station and be interviewed on camera under caution. It can be several months before an allegation is resolved and no matter how supportive everyone is it is incredibly stressful.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 14/08/2022 15:01

God I can't imagine what that just be like!

Lilgamesh2 · 14/08/2022 17:46

I think its an amazing thing that you do.

Curious about the impact (both positive and negative) that fostering has on your permanent children?

JimBob61 · 14/08/2022 20:38

Lilgamesh2

Our biological, adopted and long term foster children are no different to typical siblings. They occasionally fall out but can be very protective of each other.
Growing up in a family that fosters has taught them empathy and an understanding that not everyone has a life as privileged as theirs.
When we take new children in we try to make sure they will be a good match for our family. It doesn't always work out but on the whole they are very understanding.

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yummyscummymummy01 · 14/08/2022 20:55

Firstly a thank you for all you do. I have such respect for the job and I hope you know how much you are appreciated!

My question is to ask how you deal with difficult behaviour, how do you get kids to listen to you?

JimBob61 · 15/08/2022 00:13

Yummyscummymummy01

It depends on the child.

Giving them a choice often works.

I don't want to do homework
Ok that's your choice but I'm going to turn off the Wi-Fi for the evening.
Child then needs to choose between doing their homework or losing Wi-Fi

I never, ever make a threat that I'm not prepared to carry out.

I pick my arguments. If it's not something that will bother me tomorrow it's probably not worth arguing about today.

If they don't bring their washing down from their room after I've asked, it doesn't get washed. They soon learn when the top they wanted to wear is still festering on the floor.

Apparently there's a look as well. I always remember years ago a SW asking a young teen why she behaved for me but no one else.
The child reply
"Well JimBob never shouts or argues, she just gives me a don't fuck with me look"
😂😂 I still can't work out if that was a compliment or not.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 15/08/2022 00:15

I wish I could do this look

JimBob61 · 15/08/2022 00:48

Also these young people have often come from incredibly chaotic homes. They might pretend otherwise but boundaries make them feel safe.
Often all they want is an adult to take control.

OP posts:
GladysGeorgina · 15/08/2022 01:18

Thank you so much for all you are doing for the young people you welcome into your home. I am a school DSL and pastoral lead and can just about manage what I see/hear in school. I can’t imagine continuing my job when I return home at the end of the day. What you and your family does is amazing. No questions, just thanks and respect.

Hedonism · 15/08/2022 14:27

I totally agree that it is not something that anyone should do for the money! I have some involvement in setting fees and allowances for carers in our LA so was interested to hear your thoughts on whether what you received was adequate. Thanks for your response - and for all you do.

x2boys · 06/09/2022 20:21

If a child is being long term fostered what happens at 18?
If you care for a child for say 10 years+ ,surely I would think they become part of your family ,would you still provide a parental role if they wanted it even though it's no longer official?

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