I’m a big family mummy

[Devonmum2022]

So whist talking to a random mum at soft play she was surprised at our “big family” 9 children (full time custody of 3 step children) l. Never thought of us as a big family lol but ask away

@lemons44 I am for real, but you are wrong about how seriously I take climate change. I take it extremely seriously, which is partially why I get so frustrated with well meaning but ultimately misguided attempts to reverse it by huge efforts at the personal level which won’t have enough of an impact quickly enough. See my very long response to @hifiive for my reasoning on that. I’m certain people who make these changes are probably somewhat politically involved but I think their efforts would be multiplied if it was solely focused on the really effective activity. Pearl clutching is understandable, but ultimately useless.

It's not dehumanising; it's looking at the bigger picture.
Can you not see that bigger population = bigger consumption?

Ach, you were making fair points, up until the old pearl clutching insult!

Ultimately we need both legislative AND personal efforts. The two are indivisible, in a sense.

@Itwillworkifyoutryit2222 possibly, there was a bit of snarkiness. I think most of the disputes came when people started outright denying any impact. Honestly, that's just plain dumb and statements like that will piss people off.

So yes, that definitely is bizarre to me. I made the choice to have children and accept the environmental impact, not sure why it's so hard for some. That doesn't mean OP singlehandedly caused to end of humanity, it's just a fact. Apathy tend to rub people the wrong way.

Devonmum2022 doesn't deserve any rudeness. Although again, it's AMA. About nine children. So the environment question was bound to crop up, it was never going to be about laundry and homework.

What do you spend a week on food? You're OH must earn an absolute fortune to support all of those children (having been a TA I know your wage must be minimal). Do you have family to help with childcare or do you pay for childcare too?

It amazes me how horrible people on this website can be

I think it’s a bit silly to ask what about the environment. As I said before, if someone has a lot of children, they either don’t think about it at all (I didn’t) or they thought about it and decided they want a baby more than they care about the environment. It’s not rocket science.

9 is a huge family

And as someone else said no one I know in real life would talk about having another baby and the impact on climate change. Maybe it’s a class thing and maybe everyone just says it behind my back but no one’s ever said it to me and I have 8, and live in a very “naice” area

I thought this was AMA not 'listen to me bleating on about how you've had more children than I want you to' fgs

Well tbf the OP started an AMA and then has barely posted. Not surprising it's gone off the rails a bit.

@Pumasonsatsumas I don’t iron underwear, socks or bedding 😂

Op did say the poor bloke has to work 14 hours a day.

@UnnecessaryFennel Well tbf the OP started an AMA and then has barely posted. Not surprising it's gone off the rails a bit.

She's got 9 children. Not surprising she's finding it hard to fit MN in

I know this isn't the point of your thread, but can I ask about what it was like to discover at 25 weeks that you were having a baby when you weren't aware that you were pregnant?

@Louise0701 I'm glad you know where to draw the line 😂

@Pumasonsatsumas thank you 😂 are you already expecting number 3?

Holds hand up (well apart from the last bit, assuming wine isn't essential).

Interesting thread OP. I'm an only. What is your biggest challenge with it all?

Do you manage to get 'me time' and practice any self care, spend time on yourself at all?

Very random question, but did you holiday in Scotland last year? I remember meeting a massive family in pitlochry and I’m sure the dad had his own building business.

if it was you guys, DH and I were massively impressed with your family. The amount of energy and patience you have: and how well behaved the kids all are

Well she had four when they took on the other kids full time. But would you really expect your DH to let his kids go into CARE rather than take them on? Or are you saying you'd have broken up with him if he took them on full time?

Well this has turned into a giant scrap hasn’t it? I usually try and resist wading in, but @Tillsforthrills as someone else has pointed out, Italy had one of the lowest birth rates in Europe. It’s better to check facts rather than reverting to long outdated stereotypes before you call people’s posts “moronic”. And I note that OP appears to be evading the environmental impact question. Sorry OP, you do sound lovely and I’m sure that your family is loving and fun - not being goady but I’d love to hear your opinion on that as it’s genuinely not something I could ask my friends IRL who have bigger families.

Who’d want to answer up to being blamed for Armageddon

How on earth do you manage 6 different schools?

Ha everyone picked on Italy and Ireland. World wide people choose to have 6 children and can if they want to.

The OP doesn’t deserve this pile on on the basis of having said ‘AMA’.

@ScreechingEchoChamber I definitely agree it should be discussed, and sincere questions about “did you worry about the environmental impact? What made you go ahead anyway?” Are totally fair game in my opinion. Or even comments like “I’d be worried about the carbon footprint aspect of having so many children, what are your thoughts on that OP?” Tbh I’m surprised how prominent a concern it has been on this thread, i thought almost all the comments would be focused around how OP manages and prioritises day to day, with a few rude ones about benefits etc for good measure. It didn’t occur to me initially that this would be a primary concern, maybe if OP was contemplating a big family- but not when she actually has a big family.

There is, to my reading, quite a nasty edge to some of the comments regarding her children, and “population control” as a solution to various crises through the centuries has a long and storied history with many of the roots of recent arguments to this effect stemming from the ecofascism movement in its various guises (Godwin’s law holds true yet again! - but for good reason I think). So, I think it’s important we also acknowledge what it is we’re implying or outright advocating for when we suggest the solution to climate change is “fewer people”, which people is always the key follow up question, and on what basis do we decide?

These arguments are often verging on anti-natalist (the idea that there’s so much suffering in life it would be better to never have been born and having children is a cruelty to said children) which is widely accepted to be a preposterous position for reasons which are hopefully obvious. Add into the mix that often comments on the thread aren’t even making just a general point about “more people” but rather are implying that @Devonmum2022 should not have had the specific living, breathing, children she has now I think this starts to breech decency- and we should acknowledge that as well.

Decency and the whiff of the fascistic aside, I genuinely don’t think these are compelling arguments to win people over to discussing climate crisis effectively, especially if people doubt the importance of climate change to begin with. I consider myself to be on the same side as people who are hugely concerned about climate change, but throwing out the odd “you’re selfish for having 9 kids”, which happens to also be unhelpfully sandwiched between comments about birth control and government benefits does help me to see us as the other side might see us- as essentially inhumane and worryingly unconcerned about humanity.

People get really stuck in denial when they see no way out of a problem, and the idea of deliberately curtailing people having children is many people’s idea of “no way out” because such a world is so undesirable as to seem impossible.