I went through multiple foster and children's homes. AMA

[Seeleyboo]

Just that really. Went through multiple foster homes of different cultures as well as childrens homes. Had to sleep rough at 14. So go ahead AMA

I really feel for you, what a tough childhood you had. How are you now?
Why did you end up sleeping rough at 14 - were you homeless for long?

Sounds tough - I hope you now feel settled and loved? 14 is very young!
I don’t know how to ask the question but I’m interested to know what the differences were in terms of the households of different cultures and how you felt.
Also does the house of the foster family make a difference so would it be better or worse living in cramped and cosy accommodation vs a massive posh house and why?
Thank you.

How has this impacted your life now?

Hello. I am fine now. Almost 50 and have a wonderful life. Back then you had to present yourself to the social services building when on a short term care license. So approximately every 6 weeks. If they had a placement they would accommodate, if they didn't they would just say come back tomorrow. Even if the placement you had been staying at for 6 weeks had a room you couldn't gi back until 6 weeks had passed. Madness. So some nights would mean squats, strangers houses or stairs inside blocks of flats.

That sounds really, really hard and it must have been really frightening at times. Some people experience ptsd from homelessness, I hope you weren't affected like that?

I've no idea what squats are like, I'm afraid. Was it a mattress on a bare floor?

Interesting questions. I am settled and loved now. Almost 50 and very happy. The different cultures was a shock at times i have to say. Just down to the basics of personal hygiene, cooking and discipline etc. One house was really cramped as i had to share a room with the daugher of the family. It was like a hoarders paradise. I don't think the house made a difference to me as such but the people did. The cramped house family were lovely, of a different culture, colour and religion. I also lived in a huge 5 floor Victorian house with very toxic foster parents who rarely did anything to parent. The children's home i went to was amazing. Staff wonderful. Big building, nice food but very troubled kids.

I'd say i am super cautious with my children and very suspicious of people. Not trusting a great deal and i focus alot of importance on home. I love my home. I feel safe and secure. I have a very small circle in my life. I would say including family and friends i have regular contact with 11 family members. 5 kids. Husband. 5 inlaws. And i have 1 friend. So tiny circle of trust and security.

I do suffer with CPTSD now but mostly from the reasons behind going into care. Squats would be an empty building of some description. A mattress wasn't always present. Yes it was scary at times but others in the squat were always very kind to me. I went off with a strange man once. So naive. Anyway he was very kind. Gave me his bed and food and never did anything inappropriate to me. I guess i was lucky on that occasion.

It sounds awful what you went through 💐

I have 2 friends who foster, and I suspect, the types of families you were placed with back then; wouldn’t be “allowed” now? eg, toxic parents, sharing a room?

if you are happy answering, why were you in the FC system in the first place? were you removed from biological parents?

Thanks for your question. I was physically and sexually abused at home. I ran away. Was placed under a voluntary care order. I refused to go home. I first stayed with my friend. Then childrens home then foster and so on until i was placed in my 1st flat alone at the age of 17.

Thank you for your AMA. You sound like you've done incredibly well after a really hard start in life.

I'd like to know what helped you to get to the place you are now - or in other words what do you think we should we be doing to help children and young people in the care system and who have been through trauma?

Oooo tough question. The answer is i don't know. Acceptance and belief is paramount. Patience and empathy. Obviously everyone deals with matters differently and we end up in the care system for many complex reasons but i survived life by be determined that although my past was affected i won't allow that to rule my future.

I'm sorry, op, I lost this thread for a while but thank you for writing it and responding to my question. I'm so glad things are much better for you now.