Tokophobia

[Childbeinganiggtmare]

I have Tokophobia and have had children-natural births. AMA

I must admit that was the first question I wanted to ask. Either that or "Why didn't you explain in your OP what it actually is" 😁

Thank so much for your encouraging words. It is difficult, even writing about the birth is bringing back memories but they are just about o.k now. (Nearly 30 years later). I wish midwives knew more about it, could help so many people. I wrote a letter to my midwife after, the view of a woman who’s had a baby and it got used for training in the trust, so hopefully some good will come of my experience.

Thank you for bringing this to attention. I have what they call secondary Tokophobia .

I was a teen mum with my first, I felt I was deliberately withheld from pain relief, I actually went until 8 cm without any pain relief and I had been in labour over 13 hours. My child ended up in special care, but all.my experiences were put down to my young age and exaggerating etc

It took me 7 years to have another child, I had another long labour and he was nearly 10 pound. I pushed for 2.5 hours and after I had him I knew I wasn't having any more children so it didn't affect me.

Well I had a surprise pregnancy during covid and it floored me. Talks of induction, no birthing partner etc I realised half way to my due date that I was beyond a normal level of anxious and everyone kept saying you'll be fine you've done it before. Well having 3 stints on a labour ward for monitoring sent me over the edge. I ended up opting for a planned section and my god it was the best decision I made. I actively chose to have another child a year after as I had such a different experience. (Not glamming a c section up at all it's still crap) but the experience was worlds away.

People don't realise that there's options. I read today about an epidural shortage and had anxiety even though it won't affect me x

Thanks OP!

Hello. I’m so sorry to hear of your experience, I think the thing I’m so keen to impress and you essentially said it yourself, your birth makes ALL the difference. It’s amazing to hear you chose to have another.

Yes. I should of done. Apologies. It’s an extreme fear of childbirth and pregnancy essentially.

Assuming your reply is to me, my elective wasn't childbirth for me, I didn't have the exhaustion, the unknown, the worry, the loss of dignity, and the general fear that I might not make it. There's always risks but it's so much different to the hundreds of ways it can differ.

I strongly believe that no matter what women should be able to chose their birth option and I’m really pleased it work for you.

@Childbeinganiggtmare such an interesting thread, thanks for sticking your neck out to answer sensitive questions.

I hope it's okay to ask, you mentioned about examinations being a problem and having GAs for that.

I have had several massive panic attacks about vaginal examinations, especially when not consenting/surprised/not expecting. I can't sleep, eat and sob for days at a time.

I have no fear of birth luckily, it's a fear of HCPs touching me. Do you think this could be related to Tokophobia and I could seek help to engage more about making choices for my care? At the moment I have an instant reflex no to all /any intimate anything and run. I can not rationalise the panic attack until much later when out of the situation. Which is annoying. I feel I should be able to be more in control.

For example I could never tolerate a GA for an examination because I'd be terrified what they'd do to me whilst I was unaware. I also couldn't have a c section because they would have to touch me to put a catheter in.

Those that had c sections, was that okay or was it a problem for you too?

So I can only go from my experience, Tokophobia is a fear of giving birth, but for me that includes being touched in that area at all, though it may not be the same for all. I’d absolutely look into counselling, it sounds like something that is very deep rooted for you. I hope you can get it to the point where it’s at least controlled x

Thank you, can I ask how did you find HCPs were/what reactions did you have when you were in situations where they wanted to do touching and you weren't able to?

I'm sorry if I'm asking something too triggering

No questions Op, just solidarity. I didn't know I had this phobia until I became pregnant as I'd never considered having children until my mid twenties and it was out of the blue. I told my GP I was having intrusive thoughts about getting through childbirth and then killing myself in oncoming traffic outside the hospital, my GP saved my life and I will always be grateful. I think you are incredibly brave.