I'm asexual

[Amarayt]

Ask me anything

Why are you still having sex with your husband? Does he know you’re not into it?

Would you mind if he had sex with other people as sex doesn’t mean anything to you?

Op I’m quite shocked that you are asexual and yet you are having sex. How can you enjoy it? You say you don’t enjoy it so why are you doing it? :(

You say you read erotic fiction at a young age so it sounds like you have gone through a lot op. Have you ever seeked therapy for all of this?

Most women have sex drives that go up and down!

how old are you op?

are you ‘out’?

This. Also do you mean asexual? Or not sexually attracted to others in which case or either case I don’t the need to tell everyone

This.

This is my question too, the idea if this is really upsetting. A man who has sex with a woman knowing she isn't really into it and in fact would prefer not to be having it doesn't strike me as a good man. At all.

I'm 35 and as straight as an iron board thank you very much.

Of course our sex drive goes up and down. Some women it just so happens to be more down than up. But that doesn't mean you're LGBTQ 'asexual' 'demisexual' what have you. It's just normal.

Not that being gay isn't, but is there a need to label everything these days?

Why do you need to label yourself? What’s the point? Why come 'out' with it? I would never dream of sharing how much/ often I have sex. I would assume that people didn’t care, plus it’s no one else's business.

I think you are within the scale of 'normal' and that’s life. No more interesting than that. But, hey, we're all different.

You should see a physiotherapist about the damage you'll have done to yourself with that reach. Bizarre.

Hmm. Some of these questions and comments are rather awful. 😳🙄

Those questioning why people "have to label" clearly have had no journey where they've discovered or come to the conclusion they're not in the majority in some way. Figuring that out, whether it's sexuality, neurodiversity, etc is part of knowing, understanding, and loving yourself. It's not about "insisting on a label" it's about being comfortable with who you are. Understanding why you've felt different your whole life and realising your not the only person in the world wired that way.

Suggesting asexuality is caused by trauma is the same as suggesting being gay is caused by child sex abuse. 🙄🙄

OP: how do you view the situation you have currently with your husband? Are you happy having regular sex with him despite having no sexual attraction or desire?

When you were a teen, did you know then that you were different? Did you have celebrity crushes?

Why do you think everyone feels the need for a label nowadays? There have always been people who are asexual and they just get on with it. The group at Pride this year marching for 'human rights for asexuals' just screamed look at me. I mean so what. They have the same human rights as everyone else. There was even a self appointed leader or master of the asexuals.

do you ever have an orgasm when having sex with your husband? Sex you don’t enjoy. Does he care that you don’t enjoy it? It is straightforward sex with no foreplay as he knows you are not into it?

I'm a lesbian who came out later in life, and am in therapy to deal with the traumatic after-shocks of past sexual encounters with men. This thread is really upsetting to read - experiencing sex you don't want isn't a good thing, regardless of your sexuality. 😔

Do you masturbate OP? I’m not asking that to be crude, I’m just interested as to whether you can get/want sexual pleasure with yourself but you don’t feel the urge to have it from anyone else?

Also, you say you have a child. Did you struggle emotionally with the concept of needing to have sex to conceive but it not being something you wanted to do?

And I’m also very intrigued like other posters are in terms of how you could/can have a sex life with your husband when you don’t feel sexual attraction to him? Do you just lie back and think of England or do you actively participate but only to please him?

This thread is really distressing to read. What you're describing isn't common or garden asexuality but past sexual assault and (arguably) present coercion. How far is your husband aware of how you feel?