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AMA

TW, abuse...I'm a gay woman/lesbian who almost lost her life after 5 years in an abusive relationship

17 replies

Sherryandbright · 02/12/2021 07:33

AMA :)
(The reason I've decided to do an ama, is that so many people are surprised to learn that women loving women experience this. A lot of support groups are heteronormative also. It throws up different issues for people involved and for victims and whenever it comes up I'm asked a lot of questions. My Counsellor was even surprised and kept referring to my ex as 'him' at first.
So if anyone has any go ahead (I'm fine and won't be triggered by anything) :)

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LadyCampanulaTottington · 02/12/2021 07:35

No questions OP just solidarity.

My gay DD was terribly emotionally abused by her last girlfriend so it’s not as uncommon as people think.

Greaterthanthesumoftheparts · 02/12/2021 07:36

Sorry you went through this. I think my cousin might be in an abusive lesbian relationship and it’s really difficult.

Looking back, what do you now realise were the first warning signs that maybe didn’t register as such at the time?

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 02/12/2021 07:38

I’m an HCP, so I’d like to know whether there is anything HCPs could have done to support you better? I’m thinking in general, but especially anything related to you being in a lesbian relationship and possibly abuse being overlooked or minimised?

Sherryandbright · 02/12/2021 07:39

@LadyCampanulaTottington

No questions OP just solidarity.

My gay DD was terribly emotionally abused by her last girlfriend so it’s not as uncommon as people think.

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope she's okay? No, it isn't and it needs to be known I think.
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Sherryandbright · 02/12/2021 07:42

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow

I’m an HCP, so I’d like to know whether there is anything HCPs could have done to support you better? I’m thinking in general, but especially anything related to you being in a lesbian relationship and possibly abuse being overlooked or minimised?
Hi, thank you. I was very secretive about it when visiting HCPs and she was careful to not leave marks where they could be seen. I think things are constantly improving. I guess the main thing is to not make assumptions that someone is okay. I experienced a lot of that form everyone around me in professional capacities.
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Sherryandbright · 02/12/2021 07:44

@Greaterthanthesumoftheparts

Sorry you went through this. I think my cousin might be in an abusive lesbian relationship and it’s really difficult.

Looking back, what do you now realise were the first warning signs that maybe didn’t register as such at the time?

It's often a drip feed isn't it. Starts off with them being dismissive of feelings and making you feel awful for trying to be nice, so you tru harder and they realise this, so take advantage and become worse. I didn't see it as I guess I really didn't expect it and just felt awful about myself. I wish I had have realised and escaped very quickly before my head was infiltrated.
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Sherryandbright · 02/12/2021 07:46

Another thing I wonder is, if the historical and current hostility toward gay people contributes to a lot of the abusers psyche. I'm late 30s and my ex was older and I think her family disowning her and her general awful life experience, while not an excuse, was a contributing factor to her personality developing as it did.

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MolkosTeenageAngst · 02/12/2021 07:47

Im sorry this happened to you, well done on getting out. Do you think you stayed in the situation longer/ took longer to recognise the signs of abuse because it was a female partner inflicting the abuse onto you?

Sherryandbright · 02/12/2021 07:47

@Greaterthanthesumoftheparts

Sorry you went through this. I think my cousin might be in an abusive lesbian relationship and it’s really difficult.

Looking back, what do you now realise were the first warning signs that maybe didn’t register as such at the time?

What makes you think this about your cousin if you don't mind sharing?

I have to go out shortly but will answer in between travelling and be back on thread as soon as I can.

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Sherryandbright · 02/12/2021 07:49

@MolkosTeenageAngst

Im sorry this happened to you, well done on getting out. Do you think you stayed in the situation longer/ took longer to recognise the signs of abuse because it was a female partner inflicting the abuse onto you?
I think so yes. It was shocking. I made excuses for her. I know this is common in all abusive relationships and I've not been with a man for many years, but I think I'd have probably sympathised less with a male partner. I'd have also probably felt i was in more danger, so been more prepared to leave? If that makes sense. I didn't realise how dangerous she was, as I just never imagined a woman could be(this wasn't a conscious thought process, rather internalised norms).
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FAQs · 02/12/2021 07:53

I grew up with a violent ‘mother’ women can be just as brutal, it just goes against many people’s beliefs that woman can be sadly.

Sherryandbright · 02/12/2021 08:02

Sorry to hear that, FAQs. I've two close friends who experienced maternal abuse, I think it must be so hard to accept and to live with :(
My ex was awful to her children to be honest. They were removed and the youngest was 13 when i met her. I hadn't realised how bad she was and managed to help her get back in touch with them. She abused me for that and it contributed to her physical abuse in the end.

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MyComputerGetsSadWithoutMe · 02/12/2021 08:09

My sisters girlfriend has beat my sister up, I only know that because my sister went home to my mum to stay that night and had black eyes etc, we hoped she wouldn't go back but she would. I want her to leave her but I don't want to alienate her, so I've offered her a listening ear and a place to stay no questions if she needs it. It worries me even more that this woman is a mental health nurse, I hope she wouldn't do anything to her very vulnerable patients, but the woman has no shame, she's come back to see my mum since and acted like nothing happened.

Sherryandbright · 03/12/2021 01:28

@MyComputerGetsSadWithoutMe

My sisters girlfriend has beat my sister up, I only know that because my sister went home to my mum to stay that night and had black eyes etc, we hoped she wouldn't go back but she would. I want her to leave her but I don't want to alienate her, so I've offered her a listening ear and a place to stay no questions if she needs it. It worries me even more that this woman is a mental health nurse, I hope she wouldn't do anything to her very vulnerable patients, but the woman has no shame, she's come back to see my mum since and acted like nothing happened.
One thing in life that fascinates in a very wrong way is how many truly awful people gravitate toward the caring professions :(

Aforementioned violent abusive mum of one of my friends is one of those. So worrying..
I hope your sister sees the light soon.

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madamceladon · 03/12/2021 18:23

@Sherryandbright
So so sorry you went through this.

If / when you feel strong enough you may find this memoir an empowering read.
Carmen Maria machado survived an abusive relationship and wrote this. It's genuinely remarkable read but you might find it too much right now.

She wrote a lot about the dynamics of lesbian relationships and hidden history of lesbian abuse in it.

carmenmariamachado.com/in-the-dream-house

Sherryandbright · 04/12/2021 04:49

[quote madamceladon]@Sherryandbright
So so sorry you went through this.

If / when you feel strong enough you may find this memoir an empowering read.
Carmen Maria machado survived an abusive relationship and wrote this. It's genuinely remarkable read but you might find it too much right now.

She wrote a lot about the dynamics of lesbian relationships and hidden history of lesbian abuse in it.

carmenmariamachado.com/in-the-dream-house
[/quote]
Thank you so much, I will read that :)

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TheBabyBoo · 04/12/2021 06:21

Thanks for posting, want to offer some solidarity and shared experience.

I’m bi and I was emotionally abused by a former girlfriend. There would have been sexual abuse too if the attempt hadn’t been the absolute final straw for me.

I totally get what you mean about the emotional enmeshment that comes from being sympathetic to someone’s traumatic past.

You end up giving them so much leeway out of sympathy and empathy that you’re in a really deep water yourself before you realise. So glad you managed to get your head above water and get out before you drowned.

Also, unfortunately, also share your experience of how difficult it can be when you seek support from groups who work in the DA area. Like @FAQs I was also abused by my mother, physically, emotionally and financially.

My family turned a blind eye although they knew what was going on, and I didn’t seek help until much later in life, after I noticed a pattern of being attracted to people who were similar to my parents (my dad was also abusive to my mum physically and emotionally and was emotionally abusive to me).

One of the support workers initially assumed that when I mentioned being abused by a parent that it was my dad. She was very apologetic when I spoke in more detail and went on to be very supportive.

However, another support worker, one who was very senior in the organisation, whilst she said all the right things at the time I spoke about my mum’s abuse, became very sarcastic and bullying later on.

She was very much of the opinion that women never abuse, only men abuse and if a women ever gets caught up in abusive behaviour it’s because a man is controlling her in some way.

It was very, very hurtful to be treated like that by someone to whom I had been so open and vulnerable with, having spoken about sexual assault and rape as well as DA as both an adult and a child.

There are so, so many assumptions made about the nature of DA and it really makes it difficult for DA survivors who don’t fit a certain mould to access support. It just promotes a feeling that there is nowhere to turn.

So, thank you, so, so much for being open about this topic. You’re not alone and you have helped me so much not to feel alone.

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