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AMA

I'm bisexual, married to a woman, living in a conservative area - AMA

19 replies

MargaritasForever · 16/06/2021 09:23

Hi,

So no big deal in 2021 right? You'd be surprised...perhaps.

OP posts:
Tal45 · 16/06/2021 10:03

I remember reading about the two lesbian women on a bus who were abused by a group of men on there, so what's the worst thing you've had happen to you due to being in a same sex relationship?

MargaritasForever · 16/06/2021 10:20

I don't want to be too specific, because (no pun intended) it would potentially be very outing, but we have experienced verbal and physical abuse. Not in this area we live currently though.

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Whatflavourjellybabyisnice · 16/06/2021 10:32

Do you feel it's more socially acceptable for 2 men to be gay than 2 women?
This could easily be a projection from my mind, but I'm not really sure.
Did you grow up in a household that was accepting of sexual diversity?
I did not, my mother is and was very homophobic which is very sad.

ODFOx · 16/06/2021 10:50

Are you male or female?

MargaritasForever · 16/06/2021 11:10

@Whatflavourjellybabyisnice, hmm I'm not sure I can answer that fairly, as I've never experienced life as a gay/bi man. However, I hear many more homophpbic slurs directed towards men than I do women.

I didn't unfortunately, no. My parents were very bigoted and wouldn't even allow me to watch anything that contained gay relationship, in soaps for example. They were very anti indeed.I still struggle when I remember the vile things they used to say.

@ODFOx, As you've probably worked out now, I'm female.

OP posts:
Tal45 · 16/06/2021 13:40

With regard to your original post - what would we be most surprised at?

ODFOx · 16/06/2021 13:45

What prejudice impacts you in your everyday life as a married woman in a same sex relationship?

The first thing you say about yourself is that you are bisexual: if you are married and presumably monogamous why does your bisexuality matter?

Does being in a same sex marriage affect your relationships within your local community? Do you feel that being in a conservative area makes a difference in how you are treated?

2020isnotbehaving · 16/06/2021 13:45

I presumed you were male. Why would you say you are Bi as opposed to In a same sex relationship? Are there times you describe yourself as gay/queer whatever term you prefer. Or do you like to make clear that while you are currently in same sex relationship you may not aways be?

MargaritasForever · 16/06/2021 14:24

@Tal45, well I suppose what would surprise one, may not surprise another. For example, you might be surprised that in this day and age I would be physically attacked for having a female partner or you might not be surprised at all, depending on your personal views and experiences I suppose.

@ODFOx, I suppose in terms of every day prejudices, it would be the "low level", perhaps unintentional, exclusion that people often don't realise they are doing. As an example, I have had a post man ask why it says Mrs and Mrs on a letter. I didn't feel they were meaning it in a hateful or homophobic way, more that they couldn't get their head around it and so pointed it out, in a, that must be a mistake kind of way. That or he was just a nosey arsehole.

With regards to why does my bisexuality matter, it matters in the same way your sexuality matters. If you are heterosexual, presumably you still identify as that, even if you are married/in a monogamous relationship. You don't become 'sexualityless' once you are in a committed relationship.

I made the point because people will often assume that I must be a lesbian because I have a wife (although I don't "look gay" 🙄) so if someone I don't know well, again, as an example said, 'oh have you seen Ryan Reynolds in his new movie? 😍......Oh sorry, he's obviously not up your street is he' , then I will explain that I'm bisexual, not because I'm offended, but simply to correct them.

@2020isnotbehaving, I think I've already answered that above. To answer your second question, no, not really, because that's just not who I am. Saying I'm bisexual isn't to signal that I could potentially be in a straight relationship again, more that that is just how I identify.

OP posts:
MargaritasForever · 16/06/2021 14:29

@ODFOx, oops - missed your last question.

I think we would feel much more at ease in a more inclusive and cosmopolitan area, but I don't feel under any threat. I suppose you could say that we feel welcomed, but at arms length.

OP posts:
Sleepyquest · 16/06/2021 15:06

Is your partner bi? If not, were they worried at first that you were?
And I don't want to sound rude, just there seems to be a lot of stigma around bisexuality!

MargaritasForever · 16/06/2021 15:28

@Sleepyquest, no, she is gay, although she used to identify as bisexual, but she now realises that was just a kind of, easing people in, process iyswim. She doesn't worry at all about my sexuality, as far as I'm aware. I will admit though, when we were first together, I would play down my bisexuality more. I.e, hide any male celeb crushes and just admit the female ones. I almost felt like it was disrespectful, weirdly. One day I realised I was being ridiculous and so I'm just very much me now. It was my problem, not hers.

You're right. There is a hell of a lot of stigma and misconceptions around bisexuality.

OP posts:
BiscuitLover09876 · 17/06/2021 20:24

When did you realise you were bisexuality?
Did you find it different dating women vs men?

BiscuitLover09876 · 18/06/2021 19:16

Also what makes you identify as bisexual as opposed to pansexual say?

MargaritasForever · 19/06/2021 12:50

@BiscuitLover09876, I realised when I met my wife. Before then, yes, I'd have crushes here and there on women, but never really thought of myself as bisexual. Tbh, I could describe myself as either.

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FernGilly · 19/06/2021 12:55

Who is your favourite, Rose or Rosie?

MargaritasForever · 19/06/2021 13:21

@FernGilly, haha do I need to have a favourite?

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FernGilly · 19/06/2021 15:10

Ha no! I thought you might have been Rosie at first!

RiaOverTheRainbow · 19/06/2021 15:21

When your married did you and your dw keep your surnames, double-barrel or something else?

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