I home educate by choice, AMA

[Spiderplantwidow]

My DS is 6 and would be in Y1. He attended reception at a state primary for a term before we withdrew him to home educate (a couple of months before covid hit). AMA!

Hi op ,I don't need to ask you anything because I also home educate through choice, the only struggles I'm finding after covid is that most of the classes and groups they attend have now closed .

Yes it has been a real pain hasn't it! We were relatively lucky in that respect because our DS isn't one for needing loads of day to day contact with other kids (part of the reason why we home ed). Some stuff is getting started again now thankfully.

What made you withdraw him? Do you ever worry that he's missing out on 'normal' social life with peers, independently from you?

A few things. Largely the fact the class sizes were large (30 kids per class, 90 kids per year) and he found it overwhelming. He's a very introverted child - struggles with big groups and always has been despite having been in nursery 3 days a week since the age of one.

As to socialisation - he has ample opportunity for that (covid aside). He goes to a childminder one afternoon a week and mixes with the 3 after school kids she has there, he attends forest school one evening a week with a variety of kids of different ages (which BTW I think is important, I don't think the insistence that children can only socialise with their own age group is particularly useful) , we still keep in touch with some of his former classmates and meet them in the park/swimming and so on. Home ed groups are also now starting to open up again and some are drop off sessions. Plus he has an enormous extended family with many children of different ages. So I don't worry about the social side but it is always the first question I get asked when people find out we home ed.

I also dislike the current school system though I have no issue with teachers. My son's reception teacher was lovely and I am still in touch with her.

Are you very academic? If there are subjects you'll struggle with as he gets older will you get help in the form of tutors?

I am fairly academic, yes. I have both an undergraduate degree and an MA, as does my husband (in different subjects, which is very useful). At the moment I am totally open to him attending school at some point if he would like to, but also happy to engage a tutor(s) to help him with subjects he would need to cover in a more in depth level when he is older. Quite a few home educated children successfully acquire GCSEs and A levels.

Apologies for typos, have fat fingers and am on my phone!

How long do you think you might HE for? Do you plan to do so for the duration of his education?
Also do you teach structured lessons or do you have a more free approach to it, perhaps led by your son?

Do you have just one the child? I always said I would home educate if I thought it was right for my children’s personalities but schooling at home my 4 year old with a wriggly toddler was hard work.

I have no plans on length at the moment, we will keep reviewing it with him. I'm prepared to go for the long haul if he wants to, but equally if he turns round at the age of 8 and says he wants to try school that's fine.

We follow a fairly structured but not rigid approach - most of our formal "learning" time is done in the morning (we have a morning time routine which is the same every day) with afternoons for outings, groups, longer or more in depth learning projects/big craft projects. Certain things we cover as part of day to day life - handwriting for instance. If I sat him down and told him to do a handwriting worksheet he would not be interested or engaged but he will happily write a shopping list.

I spend a lot of time planning (on a monthly and weekly basis) so I know what topics we will be covering and can organise my resources accordingly (and our time, as some months are busier than others).

Yes, we just have the one child.

I home ed too and I'm always curious about other people's experiences!

Do you regret having sent your DS to school? Do you feel his term at school was a positive/necessary step in getting to where you are now?

Did you consult your child about leaving school, or did you feel he wasn't mature enough to make that decision at 4/5 years old?

Did you notice any changes in your child after he left school?

As to socialisation - he has ample opportunity for that (covid aside).

OP, careful! A self-appointed home ed "expert" may be along soon to impose their own "10+ years" experience on you and tell you this is just a 'platitude'; that home-ed parents lie to themselves about socialisation opportunities and how well home-ed is going.

Anyway, I have no questions really except to say hello from another home-ed family. We've been HE-ing for over 10 years many years and as you say, Covid has put a little dampener on things. It's going well, on the whole.

I suppose I have a question: Are you in any online home-ed group and if so how are you finding the community especially around these Covid times?

Do you regret having sent your DS to school? Do you feel his term at school was a positive/necessary step in getting to where you are now? I do, yes - I always felt uneasy about him starting school as I felt strongly it wouldn't suit him. I was right about that so wish I'd listened to my instincts from the start.

Did you consult your child about leaving school, or did you feel he wasn't mature enough to make that decision at 4/5 years old? we spoke about it but I felt he wasn't mature enough to make the decision per se at that point.

Did you notice any changes in your child after he left school? his behaviour and energy massively improved and just generally he was happier.

Are you in any online home-ed group and if so how are you finding the community especially around these Covid times? we are - the community is generally v supportive I think!

Lovely to hear from other home edders

what would happen if you had to move to a country where home education is illegal?

what would happen if you had to move to a country where home education is illegal?

I can't see a reason why we would ever have to do that tbh!

Are you in any online home-ed group and if so how are you finding the community especially around these Covid times? we are - the community is generally v supportive I think!

That's great to know you've experienced the same. I had to ask from a neutral pov.

Used to co-run a few - including local meetups and activities - but had to step down due to personal engagements irl and becoming really busy. We've not needed the support for a while so good to know the online community is still thriving.

What makes you think short bursts of time with different children is enough for him to socialise? How are you going to enable him to face challenges with you? Do things he doesn’t want to do but persevere?

What makes you think short bursts of time with different children is enough for him to socialise?
Surely that's a better description of school than of home ed? When my sociable eldest child tried school after years of home ed, they found that to be one of the main drawbacks. Noise, distractions and interruptions are a natural feature of a crowded environment, and that made it hard to settle to play or have a long conversation with anyone. And then of course the teachers seemed to think that playing or chatting for hours on end was not a top priority, and that children ought to be listening in class or coming in from the playground to learn geography! From my own school days I certainly remember the phrase "We are not here to socialise, young lady!"

How are you going to enable him to face challenges with you? Do things he doesn’t want to do but persevere?

Why would you want to teach a child to persevere at things he doesn't want to do?

Or do you mean self-discipline, where he learns to delay gratification and work towards some long-term goal of his own? That doesn't come from being forced to follow someone else's agenda. By having choices, my kids learned to plough through the boring passages of a book if they wanted to reach the interesting bits later on... but they also learned to decide for themselves whether to persist with a particular book or put it down and find one they liked better, and that too is a useful life skill.

www.alfiekohn.org/article/downside-grit/

Why would you want to teach a child to persevere at things he doesn't want to do?

because that's life? there are plenty if things I have to do which I hate. including things at my work which I otherwise love. but I have to do them or I would face dire consequences.

How do you decide what topics you're going to cover on a daily/weekly/monthly basis?

Were you already a SAHM or did you have to leave work in order to HE?

How do you make it work financially? I'm assuming you don't work? Do you know any less well off families that home educate? What do you do to ensure you're confident he's not missing crucial parts of the curriculum? How do you distinguish between learning/ school and the rest of the day?

Would you ever decide to send him back to school even if he didn't want to? For example if you needed to go back to work or had another child, and couldn't continue to home educate.

What makes you think short bursts of time with different children is enough for him to socialise?

Well firstly they aren't different children, we generally see the same children in different groups. Secondly they aren't short bursts, it's a good few hours at a time (like school!)

How are you going to enable him to face challenges with you? Do things he doesn’t want to do but persevere?

These are very strange questions. Do parents of schooled children not teach their children these things? Do you leave it all up to the school?