AMA
I’m a 30 yo virgin, AMA
anonama · 19/01/2021 03:22
For various reasons I’ve never had sex - ask me anything !
anonama · 19/01/2021 03:40
@tuttifritti
I’m too scared .
I was raised to believe sex was a shameful, evil thing that you put up with in order to have children, not something you’d actively want to do - and that to put yourself in a position where you might have sex was dangerous .
As an adult I realise most of that came from my mum’s own traumatic experiences and anxieties, but find it almost impossible to let go of that fear .
minmooch · 19/01/2021 06:29
Have you ever been in a relationship?
I'm so sorry that your mother has made you feel this way. For most people sex is an expression of love and a way of bringing you close. Sex with the right person is exciting, comfortable, trusting, unifying, it's giving and receiving pleasure. I hope you are able to experience it at some point in your life.
custardbear · 19/01/2021 06:36
How do you feel
About it all?
In all honesty, I didn't have the best childhood, problem parents - not terrible like some others, but scarring foe me and especially my brother who hasn't moved on.
I decided about 20 years ago that I wasn't going to allow this to 'make me' or carve my life for me. I was not far off your age then to be honest. I've not looked back. I make Christmas and birthday nice for my children, put them first and sometimes put myself first too. Nothing drastic, but different, me, what I want.
What I'm saying is please don't let your mums life or experience make you, actively change this ... but don't go too mad lol 😆
anonama · 19/01/2021 09:13
Yes, I do want to have sex . I came out as bisexual a few years ago which sort of further complicates things; but yes, desperately want to feel more normal for want of a better word !
I’ve been offered counselling but struggled hugely with it - it was sex therapy I was sent to and seemed a bit like being thrown off the deep end . Never went back 
.
I’ve had a sort of relationship with a female friend when we were seventeen that never went beyond a lot of flirting . Similar with a male friend in my early twenties, that was a lot more intense emotionally but nothing came of it in the end.
How do I feel? Isolated I think - and often wonder what’s wrong with me . Wondering if I’ve missed out on the chance to relax and let my hair down a bit - surely once you’re thirty people expect you to be settled down !
anonama · 19/01/2021 09:13
@custardbear
About it all?
In all honesty, I didn't have the best childhood, problem parents - not terrible like some others, but scarring foe me and especially my brother who hasn't moved on.
I decided about 20 years ago that I wasn't going to allow this to 'make me' or carve my life for me. I was not far off your age then to be honest. I've not looked back. I make Christmas and birthday nice for my children, put them first and sometimes put myself first too. Nothing drastic, but different, me, what I want.
What I'm saying is please don't let your mums life or experience make you, actively change this ... but don't go too mad lol 😆
That makes sense - thank you x
LockdownLove · 19/01/2021 14:23
I have several American friends who waited until marriage in their 20s or 30s. You may be less unusual than you think. Which I hope reassures you.
If face to face therapy was hard have you thought about maybe doing a self led counseling course? If one exists.
anonama · 19/01/2021 14:51
[quote SoDiorDarling]@RAOK convo killer...
[/quote]
😂 have been in uni lectures all morning so couldn’t answer !
Answer - yes . But with a side order of guilt unfortunately !
I will consider the counselling I think ...
binkyblinky · 19/01/2021 15:44
I think counselling would be a good thing. Because it would be awful for your first time to come with lots of guilt and this big event in your life being ruined because of that. Xxx
Newnamefor2021 · 26/01/2021 20:46
Were you religious growing up? Is that where the shame came from? If you were are you still?
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