Im estranged from all my bio family

[LiJo2015]

Im estranged from all my bio family. Zero, zilch, nada contact.

Ask me anything.

What has happened ?

Is there anyone individual in the family you'd like to speak to, but don't because you don't want the connection to the group?

My father in law is estranged from his family, he didn't go to his Mothers funeral and has three siblings that he doesn't have anything to do with. There was a huge fall out over money, is there a similar back story with you and your family?

@Molly333
@WhatTheFoot

Paternal side - alcoholism, grandad murdered grandmother. My dad estranged from sisters, later connected with brother.

Maternal side - dad murdered. Mum severe mental health breakdown. My mum, sister and 2 brothers put into childrens home. All abused. Brother later commited suicide, other brother severley mentally unstable. No idea about sister.

My mum died when she was 35. I was 2.

Dad functioning alcoholic and chronic depression. He was psychological and physically abusive and is a narcassist.

3 brothers - one died owing to alcohol. Estranged from other 2 owing to childhood history (have to be a bit careful with detail on this one).

Growing up i was raped, sexually assaulted, physically and psychologically abused. I remember quite vividly neglect.

Once i left home, i realised my normal was very abnormal. Took a good 10 years to break the cycle. Became a mum and realised i needed to break ties. Everytime i had contact with them i would fall apart. My dad especially is extremely toxic.

@NonCisWoman

'Is there anyone individual in the family you'd like to speak to, but don't because you don't want the connection to the group?'

My niece. Tried more than once. But i suspect she was told to break contact with me.

I know that i have been portrayed by my dad as the problem.

Well done op on your decision and strength. Good for you. I hope you are happy now?

@Fairydustrust

I thick about my bio fam everyday. I wished so much i had a loving fanily. I feel like a leper, despite knowing that the toxicity has been spread by my dad - i feel like theres aomething kntegrally wrong with me. The effects has infiltarted every part of my life, including prpgression in my mesical career owing to dehabilitatjng mental health and a training path that was within itself toxic. I left my meeical training in 2016 and i struggle with the balance of regret but the knowledge i wasnt cut out for life as a doctor.

You are probably right about the career. Way too stressful . With family, I think it's more a case of missing what should have been. Remember, none of this is your fault. Good luck for the future x

Well done you for reflecting on all that has just you and choosing yr type of life. I do understand the sadness attached to not having what u deserve as i too feel that . Remind yourself thoigh that you are amazing haven chosen to break this cycle

Massive well done for taking positive steps to keep away from them. It can be so hard for people to do. I always tell people 'I can't get well in the place that made you sick'

Have you had any therapy, if yes what type?

@Somuddled

'Have you had any therapy, if yes what type?'

Ive had years of therapy, but the most life changing, epsecially in terms of realising i had to break the ties was intensive and specialist therapy i had at a charity called the southmead prpject in bristol - they specialise in adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse and trauma. I had weekly 1-to-1 therapy and group therapy for a year. At the same time i was trying to complete medical school - who only impeded any realistic progress. The faculty were largely unrealistic, ignorant and unsympathetic. I made much better progress psychological when i wasnt training.

I am now in the middle of retraining to become a psychotherapist myself.

No questions just wanted to say you are nothing short of a miracle and I hope you tell yourself everyday that you are amazing!

@foodtoorder

This is lovely - thankyou.

Do you worry about your child sharing genes with these people? I'm estranged from my family and recently became a FTM and it does worry me that my DC will turn out like members of my family with mental health and addiction issues etc, and by having DC I'm prolonging the family misery/should it have stopped with me sort of thing.

You do have a loving family. The one you created around yourself, not the one you’ve broken contact with. And you sound like you’ve done amazingly well. I hope you are happy