I am a lesbian who was in an abusive relationship with a (unbeknown to me) drug addict. AMA

[Lisibeth81]

Not sure if it will interest anyone but if it does, it may be helpful.
FWIW, I was in the closet.
I was with her for 6 years.

:)

Did you ever have any suspicion about the drug addiction?

Was it a particular drug?

I was very naïve to drugs. I tried cannabis at university but never did anything else before or since and thought just certsain types of people used drugs and of course nobody I would come into contact with, I felt it was mainly unheard of in our circles. My eyes are open now obviously.

Of her, I felt very close to her and it would have never occurred to me that anyone would be in a relationship with someone and hide such (to me) a big thing from them. So no, I never suspect. Others did, including people she worked for (as a labourer) and I lied to them without knowing, said I never saw any signs and they must be wrong. I was mortified and came clean and apologised once I DID realise, which was years later and when our relationship had began breaking down.

To this day, I have no idea what the extent was, but I know it was a lot of amphetamine, cannabis (which I knew about as in knew she used occasionally but no way the proportions of)and I suspect other things.

Suspected, not suspect.

Maybe a silly question but how were you in a 6 year lesbian relationship while being in the closet?

It isn't a silly question. I was closeted to family and people who knew them, but close friends of us as a couple knew we were together (I am sorry, I sometimes forget that there are different 'levels' of closeted).

I came out to family after a horrid argument with my parents. Just blurted it out, so I am no longer closeted. I guess the closet reference felt relevant as to why I could never ask for family support with the abuse, or even close friends because I was so scared of being 'outed'. I think it is a real issue even today as to why gay people in abusive relationships struggle to seek help.

Of course straight people do too-but they don't have that particular issue to contend with as well as everything else.

Just re-read my above answer and felt I must add, someone once sort of outed me to parents and they hit the roof, and I was much more careful after that. Which made things more difficult obviously :)