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AMA

I'm bisexual, married to a woman, with ex homophobic parents AMA

19 replies

GoFYourselfSanDiego · 06/10/2020 18:00

Hi,

I should clarify, it's my parents who were homophobic, not my wife's. I say "were", they still are a little.

So....over to you. Ask away Smile

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FatArse123 · 07/10/2020 16:38

Can you forgive them for their former homophobia? My brother is an ex-homophobe (I'm still not entirely convinced), and I struggle with it.

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giletrouge · 07/10/2020 17:05

Did you make great efforts to bring them round, or did they come round naturally of their own accord?
Was there much stress and conflict in the process of change?

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TheNewLook · 07/10/2020 17:05

are you male or female?

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AnneLovesGilbert · 07/10/2020 17:07

What do you want for Christmas?

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GoFYourselfSanDiego · 07/10/2020 17:24

@FatArse123, I suppose I had to or we couldn't really move forward. I still hold my head in my hands when I remember some of the remarks they used to make. They really were awful. I actually sometimes notice them do a homophobic swerve or casual back track.

@giletrouge, it was a bit back to front in the beginning actually. They were accepting virtually straight away, but then they (my mum mainly) seemed to go back a bit and struggle. She once asked me not to show affection with my DW in case the neighbours saw Hmm and that was several months down the line. Thing is, they really liked her and very quickly. They could see that I was happy and so they would have been fighting a pointless battle. In the beginning I think they were scared they would lose me if they didn't accept my new relationship, so probably made more effort. Yes, there were tears and awkward conversations. Not really with my dad though.

@TheNewLook, female.

@AnneLovesGilbert, hmm... world peace? That or Chanel Mademoiselle Wink

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TheNewLook · 07/10/2020 17:30

I don’t understand how you are still bisexual once you’re married. Assuming you’re intending this to be your only relationship, aren’t you now gay?

Claiming bisexuality seems like you’re keeping the door open..,

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giletrouge · 07/10/2020 17:34

Thank you, interesting. I've got skin in the game as a 65 year old who was bisexual fighting these battles what feels like a bazillion years ago. Nowadays a bit old and civilly partnered with a bloke (I'm female, we held out for a CP; I couldn't face 'marriage').
Let's all hope for world peace for xmas, yes? Smile

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giletrouge · 07/10/2020 17:35

TheNewLook I'm tempted to answer that but will leave it to the OP and then maybe chip in!

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QuentinWinters · 07/10/2020 17:37

Are you never attracted to anyone else because you are married then, thenewlook? ConfusedHmm

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iklboo · 07/10/2020 17:40

TheNewLook - seriously?

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 07/10/2020 17:44

@TheNewLook Sexuality is about who you're attracted to, not who you're in a relationship with. If a gay man married a woman it wouldn't stop him being gay, and a bisexual person doesn't stop being bisexual on marriage either. It's quite ignorant to suggest otherwise.

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Chicchicchicchiclana · 07/10/2020 17:46

Do you honestly think this is interesting enough for an AMA?

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GoFYourselfSanDiego · 07/10/2020 18:16

@TheNewLook 🤦‍♀️ No, because I'm still attracted to men. Should a straight woman married to a man identify as non sexual, because she is supposed to be committed to one man?....

@Chicchicchicchiclana, absolutely. In fact, Channel 4 have just been in contact to discuss a 4 part documentary. Filming is imminent. Should be out next spring, so you can look forward to that Wink

Seriously Hmm surely it's interesting to the people who are interested and not to the ones who aren't.

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TheNewLook · 07/10/2020 21:03

No, because I'm still attracted to men. Should a straight woman married to a man identify as non sexual, because she is supposed to be committed to one man?

That makes no sense. She would identify as straight.

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Sheogorath · 07/10/2020 22:10

@TheNewLook

No, because I'm still attracted to men. Should a straight woman married to a man identify as non sexual, because she is supposed to be committed to one man?

That makes no sense. She would identify as straight.

What your saying makes no sense. Sexuality is about who you're attracted to.
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GoFYourselfSanDiego · 07/10/2020 23:09

@TheNewLook, I really don't think you understand. My point is, part of my sexuality isn't cancelled out because I'm married, in the same way a straight persons isn't when they're married.

This is exactly what biphobia is.

Why should I identify as gay when I'm not?

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FeminismIsForALLWomen · 08/10/2020 01:10

That makes no sense. She would identify as straight.

EXACTLY! Her attraction to men doesn't disappear just because she is married. Why do you think it's different for bisexual people?

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GoFYourselfSanDiego · 08/10/2020 11:25

@FeminismIsForALLWomen, yep. I mean, it's quite simple really.

It's not about "claiming", it's just a continuing fact. As for bisexuality suggesting "leaving the door open" - again, why am I leaving the door open any more than a straight person in a committed relationship? They're still heterosexual, as YOU say @TheNewLook.

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FatherTedsBankAccount · 15/10/2020 00:53

It is depressing that so many people still don’t understand that bisexuality is (usually) a person’s lifelong orientation, regardless of the sex of the person they end up with, just as heterosexuality or homosexuality is (usually) lifelong.

You sound funny and great, though, OP.

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