I have OCD - AMA

[FenellaMaxwell]

Inspired by the fact that there have been a few threads recently where OCD seems to be really misunderstood, go for it - if there’s anything you’d like to ask, AMA.

My partner has OCD. He can't just leave a subject once his thoughts are there, even when the conversation has naturally moved on, he cannot stand more than one toy out at a time, so if kids are playing shopping but they get pens out too make labels he will start tidying up the shopping. He tries not to and goes into kitchen to busy himself, after I tell him they are playing with both. It clearly stresses him out.
Is there anyway I can help him feel less stressed. I have 3 children so sometimes lots of toys are out at once. I want him to feel relaxed in his own home.

I actually don't do any housework or laundry etc because he always gets to it first. Even when I say 'I am going to put the washing out', he says 'no I will do it' because he can't stand the way I do it. It doesn't cause arguments but he makes himself so busy it is heartbreaking

Honestly, From my perspective there’s nothing you can do to make him feel less stressed because the stress is inside his head, the 3 toys or whatever aren’t the real cause.

Does he take any medication or do any CBT?

How does OCD affect you day today? My partner is exactly like what @Idroppedthescrewinthetuna describes above but I thought OCD was something more severe involving rituals to control anxiety, so I've never seriously considered that he could have OCD.

It doesn’t have to be about severe rituals at all @hotpenguin - people often think of OCD as being about washing your hands until they bleed of turning the lights on and off 11 times every time you leave a room, but at its core, OCD is about compulsive thoughts or behaviours which drive the way you live your life to the extent it’s disruptive.

For me, it can be quite a struggle. I have trauma induced OCD, combined with PTSD and anxiety as a result of my son nearly dying when he was a baby and having to perform CPR on him.

I’ve always been prone to compulsive thoughts - when I was little I used to pack a bag of my favourite things before bed every night because I was worried the house would catch fire and I’d need to be ready. But after DS nearly died I became very anxious about his health, and would have to check he was breathing multiple times a night, check the monitors and things were all working, and even have a spare set of £££ monitors and sensor mat in case the first set malfunctioned. And 2 separate sets of baby monitors in case I didn’t hear one properly. I was convinced he’d die if I wasn’t vigilant and even though I’m now on medication and have had CBT I still can’t go to bed without checking him and I still have to check if I wake in the night, but I am much better than I was. I also have a big issue with compulsive thoughts, so I’ll get fixated on an idea, usually around a milestone or event - and if it doesn’t play out exactly as I have planned for I get very anxious and upset because I feel I’ve let everybody down. So for example I’ll meal plan Christmas dinner repeatedly from September, listing out all the ingredients multiple times and if it didn’t go exactly to plan on the day I would be convinced I’d ruined Christmas for everyone by not doing it properly, even if it was something tiny like a few lumps in the gravy.

The last thing I get is intrusive thoughts and images, so out of nowhere I get very clear pictures of DS or myself getting hurt or injured.

As you can see from the fact I have most of them, there are lots of different kinds of OCD!

Good idea to start this thread OP.

Hugs to you, I have similar OCD to you, it’s a horrible condition. . Mine is usually well controlled with CBT and meds, but everything has gone a bit hay wire recently with Covid.

Can you have a mild case?

I definitely have had intrusive thoughts and images for as long as I remember and I also have to check on the kids often, if I dont it makes my intrusive thoughts worse and I cant think of anything else till I check.

@BillStickersIsInnocent hugs back to you. I’ve actually been really lucky on the COVID front in that I work for the NHS in an acute hospital so I’ve a. Been kept busy and b. Life has sort of carried on a bit for me. Be kind to yourself. Are you doing your CBT exercises?

@fluffedupferretonsteroids yes, I think so. Or it’s more that events can happen which escalate the condition, if you see what I mean. I think you either are or are not a person who is prone to compulsive thoughts, and if you are, those can certainly be triggered to more significant OCD by events outside your control.

@FenellaMaxwell

Honestly, From my perspective there’s nothing you can do to make him feel less stressed because the stress is inside his head, the 3 toys or whatever aren’t the real cause.

Does he take any medication or do any CBT?

He doesn't take anything. It has been diagnosed. He has been working on his past, we believe it stems from a narcissistic parent.

Like just, it was time for my DDs bedtime, but he got into his head he needed to cut her toenails. This is never an easy task with DD, she did need them doing though. She kicked off about it, so I said tomorrow then, lets go bed. He then started to potter doing something else. Dd then said she would get her toes done. We then stood there waiting for a few mins waiting for him to finish what he was doing ( this could have been done after DD went to bed)
I hinted and said 'its already past bedtime, where are the clippers' he showed me them in his hand. I said come on then lets get this show on the road. Still no movement, so I said 'give them me and I will sort toes out' immediately he stopped and started to do them.
Its infuriating for me, but I know through reading up about it, no matter how annoying it is for me it is 100x worse for him cos he doesn't want to be like this.
The example I give is so small but it is constant. 8 years today we have been together, I have learned a lot about him and his ways, but with kids it seems to have highlighted all his ways even more.

Have you tried ERP as part of your CBT? My sister is suffering really badly at the moment and I’d love to help her. She already takes an SSRI but still becomes overwhelmed at times. I’ve been wondering if this form of CBT might help.

Hi @FenellaMaxwell, from the thread tonight I've realised that I have harm ocd. From a bit of googling in the past I realised it was intrusive thoughts and ocd that I had (I thought I was going insane and had turned into a monster) and now I know the actual name. I don't like to google much as I struggle with triggers so like to keep research to a minimum of these things so I am thankful for tonight's thread. It first came on about this time last year and I go through good and bad periods.

So my question, how did you go about getting help for it in the first place? My GP atm seem to not want to allow anyone in and the receptionists tend to want to know the problem, normally I wouldn't mind saying but I'm terribly embarrassed of what's wrong and I don't want to tell them. I've looked at local private cbt (as I understand that and meds are the best help) however if I don't know if I can afford it long term and I have no idea how much it costs. I've contacted mind this evening who are going to call me back but I'm guessing this is just online self help stuff.

Sorry @Pomegranatemolasses I’m not familiar with ERP - what is it? I’ve had talking therapy, CBT, and was supposed to start EMDR when COVID kicked off.

Good on you to start this thread OP, thank you. Was on the thread just deleted and was really sorry it went, so much important info.

There are many forms of ocd, compulsive though ocd is not that well know, you always see ocd depicted with cleaning and handwashing.

Hi @toffeelatte I’m so pleased you found the thread. You actually just took the first step towards help - the absolute hardest one. You acknowledged what was wrong, and that you needed help. It took me 2 years of feeling like I was going insane to do anything about it at all and another year to be firm enough with the GP to actually get help. In the end, I made a telephone appointment with the nurse practitioner and once I started talking to her it all spilled out - it was much easier talking to her on the phone than in person.

The first thing is to get on some medication. I found that the single most helpful thing. The first few weeks are awful as they can make your intrusive thoughts worse whilst things balance out, but once they do it’s like magic - the images go away.

Contacting mind is a brilliant step, maybe try getting a phone appointment through your GP to start some meds? Hugs to you

Thanks @giantangryrooster - the one thing I’ve learned is how important it is to talk about it. And that’s the same reason I didn’t NC for this thread - if people didn’t feel so ashamed about it and could be more honest, everything would be so much better.

Does it drive you insane when people say I have OCD or I’m so OCD when they are talking about liking things nice and tidy, clean or just done their own way. I think it’s an insult to use it as some sort of desirable quality.

I had therapy for OCD years ago I could barely function, it took 2 years to get me to a place where I can manage it. I can’t tell you how anxious I was when my therapist gave me tasks to do, (or not do) I had panic attacks but persevered. Now I have what she called OCD traits but it no longer rules my life though I can still overthink and over plan to the point of inaction.

Mine was never about hand washing.

Thank you @FenellaMaxwell, I'm going to give them a ring tomorrow. I've been too scared to speak to anyone about this before as I have intrusive thoughts of hurting my children and I've felt so incredibly guilty about it - the only person I've told is my boyfriend of 2 years and I haven't even told him what thoughts I have, just that I have them. I feel so much better after tonight's thread, knowing that it's more common than I thought makes me feel so much better. I kept thinking I was going to have my kids taken away from me if I told anyone. Thank you for starting this thread.

@BessieSurtees god I HATE it. Particularly because my house is usually a mess because I’m busy fixating on other things, and quite often because people go on about it being about being clean and tidy I even feel like I can’t do OCD properly

@toffeelatte with intrusive thoughts it’s often the last thing you would actually do that forms the intrusive thought. Something your brain is so horrified by, it uses it to torture you. They wouldn’t be taking your kids away for seeking treatment

@Pomegranatemolasses I’m an inpatient at the moment undergoing ERP. Ifs horrifically hard but the only thing I’ve ever seen to really help me. I recommend it.

Thanks for starting this thread OP. Aaaanything to break down the stigma of cleaning addicts, please!!

My daughter has diagnosed OCD. As a parent, it is very hard to deal with. I cant help her. I cant make the voices go away. It is horrible, but to the wider public it is something to joke about. And no, she doesnt clean all day. Quite the opposite. Her bedroom is so disgusting it makes me cringe, but she sleeps in the middle of it all, sometimes on the floor.

When did you first notice the intrusive thoughts? My 6 year old has intrusive thoughts of violent things happening and I don't know whether he'll grow out of it or if there's something to worry about. Is there any way I can help him?

Thank you for this thread. My DH has been affected, but has been ok for the past few years. I’d like to know how to support him better if it rears its ugly head again.
He is actually quite obsessive about tidying things a certain way, but not how it’s perceived to be by others.

@Thunderbolted I think the best thing to do is to set in practice good mental heath maintenance, so encourage him to talk freely about any worries he has, anything that’s scaring or worrying him, and look at some relaxation techniques you can do together too to help him clear his mind?

And I think I was about 4 or 5 when they started, but it didn’t really become a big thing until 4 years ago, and it’s only in the past year or so that I’ve realised it was anything ‘wrong’ or ‘different’ back then and this isn’t something that’s just started with the trauma I went through, it’s always been there and this just triggered it to new levels.