I'm Korean, AMA

[NightsIn]

I'm a Korean mum of one. I used to live in the UK for two years.

If you have any questions about culture, life, coronavirus, education, politics, language, child rearing, food or amything else in Korea, let me know!

(I'm not really up to date with the latest music/dramas, so might not be able to answer much about that but I can try!!)

@leeloo1 I don't know anyone who has never had a boyfriend or girlfriend til that late, that would be really unusual. People usually start dating like crazy at 25, trying to find someone to marry.

We sleep in pyjamas like everyone else, of course. The clothes is just to show they aren't having sex. A lot of Koreans are very conservative and don't want to see that on TV.

People do hit each other more quickly here I think. My parents don't hit me though.

Scrubbing each other's back is really normal and being naked together in the bathhouse (men and women separately). No one even thinks about it being weird or something.

The qwerty keyboard is just the same but with Korean letters on it so where q is, we have ㅂ and where w is we have ㅈ and so on. The phone system is a bit different but hard to explain unless you know Korean.

Not sure if Koreans are particularly more respectful than anyone else, it certainly doesn't feel that way on the subway at 8AM.

@NightsIn - thanks for the reply. I took ages to post, then looked up how to spell thank you, so I missed your tutorial on that. 🤦‍♂️

I think it's the slight bowing that made it feel respectful, plus characters talking about others needing to be casual /formal in their speech and being more polite to elder relatives. I guess there's always the difference between TV & real life though.

Oh my gosh I want to go to a Joriwon!

Your way of spelling "thanks" is probably fine too, it's not an exact thing. I never think about how Korean words are spelled in English letters really so no idea if my way is right.

I suppose the bowing looks respectful but it doesn't actually always mean we respect that person really! You can bow to someone and then call them motherfucker when they leave haha. Speech levels are important, but I found it quite similar in the UK really, you say "thank you" to your manager but "cheers" in a shop...it's not so different really.

@roarfeckingroarr

I was so shocked when my British friend said she went straight home the day after the birth with no one to help her. That's almost unthinkable in Korea. We really think women need to sleep and rest and eat well after birth.

@NightsIn I'm due to give birth in a couple of weeks. Do you think I could sort a visa and maternity care in this time 😁?

@MrsTerryPratchett

Vapid shmapid. I'm a fully paid up feminist. I still want to bloody glow.

I wanted to ask an even more shallow question about Simu Liu but stopped myself...

Yeah me too, I have the glow but it's kind of menopausal sweaty 😭

Thank you NightsIn. First of all, how exciting to have such a brilliant AMA! I have posted on the kdrama thread. We have about 25 regular posters and a fair number of lurkers who occasionally dip a toe in. Are you OK to receive questions on many, many topics? Some of us are trying to learn the language, others are working through Korean cook books, some of ys are planning trips to SK and then we have many questions arising from our drama viewing about Korean culture, society, work place culture, politics. You name it, basically.

Here’s a starter: how realistic are Korean dramas? Obviously they are dramatisations, but do some play on tropes and stereotypes than others. Are some networks more gritty and realistic than others? How do they shake down compared to UK networks? OCN is always very gritty, especially the crime dramas. I imagine they are on a par with HBO.

Might be tricky with the quarantine.

Someone should start a joriwon in the UK. I feel sad when I think of people struggling to learn how to feed, clean and calm their baby without any help. Our nanny taught us everything, so even though it was hard, I never felt panciked because I could just ask the nanny what was normal. And she did all the cooking and cleaning so we could rest and spend time with the baby.

What’s your house like? Are you quite well off?

Sorry - sounds rude! Nanny sounds like it’s more normal over there after birth. This whole thread is really interesting, thankyou!

leeloo C’mon over here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/streamed_tv/3975635-MsLatte-s-Daebak-Cybercaf-Kdrama-addicts-17-I-need-suits-and-dimples-and-questionable-morals?pg=1

How hard do children have to work at school and in additional lessons outside of school? Are they taught just to listen and learn what they're told, or are they encouraged to ask questions, debate and work in small groups?

@Slat3 We just live in a normal flat, two bedrooms, on an estate. I guess 90% of people in Korea live the same way.

We're not rich, not poor, just normal.

Following on from what you posted about single mothers, from my many hours of drama there seems to be quite a complicated weighing up of marriagable qualities and a degree of not marrying up or down too far, in terms of wealth or social status/class. Single motherhood seems to make you untouchable, but a single father less so. Divorcees seem to have a hard time of it too. Everyone seems to fight over the chaebol sons, but less so the daughters. How much of it is for dramatic effect, or are there really some factors that make you unmarriageble?

Also, I was surprised that a single woman could not (legally) get donated sperm to have a baby, only married couples. What do lesbian couples do if they want children?

"How hard do children have to work at school and in additional lessons outside of school? Are they taught just to listen and learn what they're told, or are they encouraged to ask questions, debate and work in small groups?"

It really depends on where you live. In Seoul, especially Gangnam, it's crazy competitive and children are already practicing for the university entrance exam in elementary school.

Normal high school day: get to school for 7, study til 4, do homework til 6 (in school) and go to afterschool academies til 10, then go home and study more (I used to finish around 2.)

There's not much space for debate or questions.

In some ways, it's not great, but it does push children to work hard and they mainly take education very seriously.

@boatyardblues

People are absolutely judged by those things. I found it amazing that my British friends would be in serious relationships with men who had no savings, no stable job...just unthinkable for most Koreans. We never get married to someone just because they're nice. Even many families forbid marriages if they don't think he has a good enough job. Even if his job is in a bank or something, that might not be good enough for some.

People think about family, job stability, savings, pension. My British friends were quite critical about it but our parents almost all grew up with nothing - my father slept with his six brothers and sisters in one room - as in the whole house was one room. Having money and stability is so new for us, it is not something we are keen to throw away so I don't think people should judge. I don't think we're any less happy than anyone else.

Anyone would marry a chaebol daughter in a heartbeat. They'd walk through fire for the chance.

I don't think lesbian couples would have children. It just wouldn't happen. Their child would get picked on so badly, I can't even imagine. I've never thought about this before so it's hard to imagine.

There are very few who would marry a single mother or divorced person. After 50, a lot of people get divorced, then it's more normal to remarry or just be partners. But maybe secretly.

@boatyardblues

And dramas are almost nothing like reality. The same as the UK isn't like Eastenders!

[quote NightsIn]@boatyardblues

And dramas are almost nothing like reality. The same as the UK isn't like Eastenders![/quote]
I assumed as much, but even so it is surprising how much you just pick up about ‘taken for granted’ culture and society. One of the things that most surprises me is how much sway parents have in the lives of their adult children, but also how much families continue to stick by one another through thick and thin. A couple of things really shocked or surprised me, like debt being passed on from parents to children when the parent dies to the extent of creditors showing up at funerals to harrass bereaved family members. Does that really happen? Also, in a police procedural/slice of life drama, some of the police officers didn’t pursue criminals or intervene because they feared being sued personally for causing an injury or car accident - debt which coukd follow them for years & impoverish their family. Is it really true that police officers etc aren’t indemnified by their employer when undertaking their duties? The whole suing thing has put me right off hiring a car to tour around if I ever travel to SK.

Can you tell us a bit about the issues around weight? Is it true that being really slim is the ideal? What would you say the average weight is and what's the average height for men and women? Thank you.

This is such an interesting thread!

Can I ask what you think of the chaebols? Do you think they will ever stop having such influence in South Korea?

Yes there could be debtors at a funeral. Not usual but possible.

Family is everything to us. Everything we do, we think about the good of our family, not just ourselves. Our family reputation, money and happiness are the most important. There is a term, hyo, 효, which is basically respect and loyalty towards our elders. But it is much deeper than just respect or loyalty. It's hard to explain. When I go to my grandfather's grave, I cry so much thinking of everything he sacrificed and suffered so I can sit here in my warm house with enough food. So to respect him, I try to treat my parents well.

No idea about how police stuff works at all.

It's pretty easy to get sued here. We have a stupid new law that everyone hates that if you hit someone with your car in a school area (???) you are immediately to blame even if the child ran out in front of you or your car slid on rain or something.

"Can you tell us a bit about the issues around weight? Is it true that being really slim is the ideal? What would you say the average weight is and what's the average height for men and women? Thank you."

Being slim is ideal sure. Average weight/height, no idea but ideal weight is 50kg for women and ideal height 160cm or so. Men 180cm minimum. If men are short, they get teased a lot. It's pretty normal to get hormone injections to make your children taller

"Normal high school day: get to school for 7, study til 4, do homework til 6 (in school) and go to afterschool academies til 10, then go home and study more (I used to finish around 2.)"

When do they sleep?😱

Following on from Boatyardblues question re police, do they really sort out disputes such as someone being hit? If it was effectively gbh do they really get off if the pay compensation?

Are hospitals cheap? Lots of drips going on and people going to hospitals for cuts and sprains in dramas.

With regards to reality and dramas, I could tell you a story or two which if you watched on Eastenders, you wouldn't believe it was true it's so unbelievable!!! 😂😂😂

"Can I ask what you think of the chaebols? Do you think they will ever stop having such influence in South Korea?"

We kind of need them. If Samsung went down, the economy would collapse. I don't think they'll ever disappear really.

We have a lot of small businesses too though, I think I read we have the highest number of small businesses in the OECD. So while Samsung and Hyundai have a lot of power, there are other small companies too.

"When do they sleep?😱"

Sleep is not necessary for high schoolers haha. 4 hours a night is considered enough. It's so normal for us. But sleeping on your desk in school is normal too.

"Following on from Boatyardblues question re police, do they really sort out disputes such as someone being hit? If it was effectively gbh do they really get off if the pay compensation?"

You can pay money and get away with a lot of things. It's called 합의금, hapuigeum. We sometimes joke about wishing we could be hit by a Ferrari ha.

"Are hospitals cheap? Lots of drips going on and people going to hospitals for cuts and sprains in dramas."

We go to hospital for everything. I was surprised that British people don't go to hospital even if they feel really sick. It's cheap, I think. Maybe 5 pounds for a visit? Obviously it depends on treatment too. Drips are common.