Hi,
First time on here and new to this all but as I scroll the internet I always find forums to be the most truthful and helpful even though I know this is my own mind and decision to make.
I’m 30 and I have never really had a desire to have children of my own, I always said when I’m 30-32 but it’s just not been in my vision as strong as say seeing the world. I have adorable godchildren and all my friends baring 1 have children so I do enjoy time spent with them and enjoy giving them back to the parents or stepping away when a tantrum kicks off!
I’m only two years into a relationship with my partner but we click very well and have this amazing passion for one another. He has a daughter already which I welcome open arms and adore her so much but I also enjoy mine and partners free time to do whatever we like when we like.
We discussed children in the beginning and just thought it would be something that naturally progressed however about 7 months ago my partner opened up that he had been carrying around a weight that he is 99% sure he doesn’t want anymore children, this rocked me as I thought it was going to happen and we would settle down etc. I also felt if I stayed with him my choice had been taken away?. However over this period of time with no negative input from him I have questioned my own reasoning for having children and the two reasons I can only think of mainly is that I would like to carry a child and I would be curious to see what my child would look like..
it’s a tough call as I know if I do want children it isn’t going to be with my current partner and although heartbreakingly hard I know that we would separate to give each of us the best outcome in life. That’s what brings me here is that he is worried I am wasting time with him essentially if I do want children.
The pressure of age, family, friends and society questioning when is it going to happen and is it going to be fear of regret has just got me stuck in this constant loop and feeling like I need to make a decision now, I know I don’t want children within the next two years but then am I essentially letting time slip by in a relationship where I know he doesn’t want anymore children..