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I grew up with an alcoholic father

21 replies

justforgiven · 20/04/2020 18:24

Ask me anything, if this is of interest to you.

OP posts:
Nodney · 20/04/2020 19:22

Bumping for you 🌸

oohnicevase · 20/04/2020 19:23

Me too

catchyjem · 20/04/2020 19:28

When did you realise that he was an alcoholic?

Iggypoppie · 20/04/2020 19:33

Did you feel shame or a need to keep it secret?

TwistyHair · 20/04/2020 19:35

Did you know his behaviour was wrong when you were growing up? Did your parents/relatives try to keep his drinking a secret?

justforgiven · 20/04/2020 20:39

Thank you for bumping the thread.

I was probably about 4 when I realised he had a problem. He started drinking long before I was born so it's all I've ever known with him. I was very young and could already tell the difference between sober daddy and drunk daddy.

Everyone knew he was an alcoholic. I tried to hide it from my friends but I think a few of them saw him swigging from beer cans in the street.

It was extremely embarrassing.

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FarquarKumquatsmama · 20/04/2020 20:44

Did your mum stay with him and if so do you hold any resentment towards her for that?

Did you have SS involvement and if so were they helpful?

How has it shaped your attitude towards alcohol?

RainbowBalloon · 20/04/2020 20:46

What time would he start? Was he a kind drunk?

justforgiven · 20/04/2020 21:06

Unfortunately my mum is still with him. I don't blame her as she always thought she had nowhere else to go if she left him. She got very bad advice from our family.

SS were involved very briefly but it didn't help in any way.

His first drink would be before I got up. I was often woken up to the sound of a beer can opening. Sometimes he would act silly when drunk, but mostly be eager to start an argument.

I don't drink alcohol and get very anxious if my Dh does.

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TwistyHair · 20/04/2020 21:32

Wow 4 is really young. But I guess 4 year olds are really starting to make sense of the world.

SkaLaLand · 20/04/2020 21:35

Me too op, shit isn't it.

justforgiven · 20/04/2020 22:08

Yes 4 does seem really young but it was at that age when I understood that my mum was kind and loving whereas my dad became scary after he'd been drinking. Maybe I didn't realize he had a problem, just that the beer changed how he acted.

@SkaLaLand sorry to hear you experienced this too.

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Ichayetheneu · 21/04/2020 11:33

Did he hold down a job?

Ichayetheneu · 21/04/2020 11:35

How's his health? My alcoholic grandfather died at 55, the other died at 57. The younger one hadn't worked in 10 years up to his death. The other worked 24/7 and had a heartattack.

justforgiven · 21/04/2020 12:28

Sorry to hear that @Ichayetheneu.

He worked on and off when he was younger but hasn't been able to for at least the last 20 years.

His physical and mental health are both very poor.

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oohnicevase · 21/04/2020 14:44

Does he drink every day all day? My dad was a functioning alcoholic but died at 74 due to complications of the drinking ( heart and diabetes) .. how is he still alive if so?

justforgiven · 21/04/2020 15:15

Yes he drinks daily. If he can afford to he will drink all day, if he's low on money he will space out the drink but drink most of it in the evening.

Don't know how he's managed it. He's been drinking since a teenager and he's late 60s now.

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Infused · 21/04/2020 15:29

Are you still in contact with him? If so, how often do you see him and what is your relationship like now?

My Dad was also a big drinker and I spent a lot of time being carted around from pub to pub with him as a kid. It was really shit

justforgiven · 21/04/2020 16:05

I will still talk to him now and then. He never visits and I very rarely visit him. I think he's seen his grandchildren 2 or 3 times. The eldest is nearly 10.

OP posts:
TutorWoes · 21/04/2020 17:14

Hi Op, What's your relationship like with your Mum?

justforgiven · 21/04/2020 18:18

Me and my mum get on great. I don't know how she could ever live with my dad for as long as she has. She did her best for us as children and still goes out of her way to help us as adults.

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