I grew up with an alcoholic father

[justforgiven]

Ask me anything, if this is of interest to you.

[Nodney]

Bumping for you 🌸

[oohnicevase]

Me too

[catchyjem]

When did you realise that he was an alcoholic?

[Iggypoppie]

Did you feel shame or a need to keep it secret?

[TwistyHair]

Did you know his behaviour was wrong when you were growing up? Did your parents/relatives try to keep his drinking a secret?

[justforgiven]

Thank you for bumping the thread.

I was probably about 4 when I realised he had a problem. He started drinking long before I was born so it's all I've ever known with him. I was very young and could already tell the difference between sober daddy and drunk daddy.

Everyone knew he was an alcoholic. I tried to hide it from my friends but I think a few of them saw him swigging from beer cans in the street.

It was extremely embarrassing.

[FarquarKumquatsmama]

Did your mum stay with him and if so do you hold any resentment towards her for that?

Did you have SS involvement and if so were they helpful?

How has it shaped your attitude towards alcohol?

[RainbowBalloon]

What time would he start? Was he a kind drunk?

[justforgiven]

Unfortunately my mum is still with him. I don't blame her as she always thought she had nowhere else to go if she left him. She got very bad advice from our family.

SS were involved very briefly but it didn't help in any way.

His first drink would be before I got up. I was often woken up to the sound of a beer can opening. Sometimes he would act silly when drunk, but mostly be eager to start an argument.

I don't drink alcohol and get very anxious if my Dh does.

[TwistyHair]

Wow 4 is really young. But I guess 4 year olds are really starting to make sense of the world.

[SkaLaLand]

Me too op, shit isn't it.

[justforgiven]

Yes 4 does seem really young but it was at that age when I understood that my mum was kind and loving whereas my dad became scary after he'd been drinking. Maybe I didn't realize he had a problem, just that the beer changed how he acted.

@SkaLaLand sorry to hear you experienced this too.

[Ichayetheneu]

Did he hold down a job?

[Ichayetheneu]

How's his health? My alcoholic grandfather died at 55, the other died at 57. The younger one hadn't worked in 10 years up to his death. The other worked 24/7 and had a heartattack.

[justforgiven]

Sorry to hear that @Ichayetheneu.

He worked on and off when he was younger but hasn't been able to for at least the last 20 years.

His physical and mental health are both very poor.

[oohnicevase]

Does he drink every day all day? My dad was a functioning alcoholic but died at 74 due to complications of the drinking ( heart and diabetes) .. how is he still alive if so?

[justforgiven]

Yes he drinks daily. If he can afford to he will drink all day, if he's low on money he will space out the drink but drink most of it in the evening.

Don't know how he's managed it. He's been drinking since a teenager and he's late 60s now.

[Infused]

Are you still in contact with him? If so, how often do you see him and what is your relationship like now?

My Dad was also a big drinker and I spent a lot of time being carted around from pub to pub with him as a kid. It was really shit

[justforgiven]

I will still talk to him now and then. He never visits and I very rarely visit him. I think he's seen his grandchildren 2 or 3 times. The eldest is nearly 10.

[TutorWoes]

Hi Op, What's your relationship like with your Mum?

[justforgiven]

Me and my mum get on great. I don't know how she could ever live with my dad for as long as she has. She did her best for us as children and still goes out of her way to help us as adults.